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For today’s episode, we have TWO guests with us who happen to be moms of TWINS. We thought it would be fun (& hopefully informative) to talk through some real life of what it’s like to raise two at once. (Kenny & Bobbi McCaughey in 1997 with their 7… and later Kate + 8)
Famous Twins: from entertainment to politics and the Bible:
- Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen
- Sir & Rumi Carter (Beyoncé’s twins born in 2017!)
- Dylan & Cole Sprouse (Suite Life of Zack & Cody)
- Robin and Maurice Gibb (They are the world famous creators of the band ‘The Bee Gees’ that have won nine Grammy Awards.)
- Scarlett Johansson has a twin brother named Hunter.
- Jenna and Barbara Bush – Daughters of former U.S. – President George Bush and Laura Bush.
- Scott and Mark Kelly – twin astronauts who were selected by NASA to study the influence of microgravity, radiation and confinement in long-duration spaceflight. Scott was chosen for a yearlong mission to the International Space Station (ISS), leaving his brother—a genetic copy of himself—down on Earth.
- Cleopatra and Mark Anthony had Alexander Helios and Cleopatra Selene – At the time of their birth in 40 B.C., the twins were simply named Cleopatra and Alexander. When they were officially recognized by their father three years later, as Antony returned to Antioch (present day Turkey), they were named Alexander Helios (Sun), and Cleopatra Selene (Moon).
- And don’t forget Jacob & Esau! 🙂 Genesis 25:22-23 “But the two children struggled with each other in her womb. So she went to ask the LORD about it. “Why is this happening to me?” she asked. And the LORD told her, “The sons in your womb will become two nations. From the very beginning, the two nations will be rivals. One nation will be stronger than the other; and your older son will serve your younger son.”
I feel like for moms who juggle two (or more!) at once, it’s like that old song “Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better” when it comes to comparing what we had to handle with just ONE baby/toddler/young child.
Abby Rosser (who’s been on our show before! She’s a repeat offender….with adoption and talking to your kids about race. Her first pregnancy was twin girls. ) She’s been married almost 30 years and has 4 children: twin daughters who are 20 and two boys. She’s an author, teacher, and creates curriculum for children’s ministry at her church.
Lindsey Russell . Lindsey has been married 12 years and has lived in several places with her husband, Seth, who served in the military. She has two graduate degrees in counseling and mental health. Her twin daughters are 7 years old.
Interview
3% of pregnancies in the US are twins. This number has been growing b/c more women are having babies at later ages and having fertility assistance, which increases your chances.
Let’s do some definitions at this point. There are a couple of different kinds of TWINS.
IDENTICAL: one egg splits and develops into two identical copies with exactly the same genetic information. You can’t have boy and girl identical twins. Actually, every woman has a 1 in 250 chance of having identical twins. It’s not based on family history or genetics.
FRATERNAL: Two separate eggs are fertilized at the same time. They may look similar, they may not. Just like any other siblings except they’re born at the same time. You can have 2 boys, 2 girls, or one of each.
CONJOINED/SUPERFECUNDATION/SUPERFETATION (weird stuff you learn on the internet)
In 25-30% of twin pregnancies, each baby will have its own sac and placenta–which often results in identical twins being labeled as fraternal.
Lindsey–you have something to add here? (Told their girls were fraternal, but at 12 wks old you discovered differently!)
Let’s start with pregnancy.
Tbh, growing a whole human being is hard on your body. What does growing TWO feel like? (Can you walk us thru some of the highs and lows of twin pregnancy?) While you might think that if you gain 30 lbs with one baby, you’d have to gain twice that with two, that’s not the case! Both women gained only about 35 pounds with their twins, and the babies were around 5 lbs each at birth.
Did you have to see specialists? Twin births are not automatically high risk, but many OBs refer twin moms to MFM (maternal fetal medicine specialist).
Did you know immediately? When did you find out? How did you tell your husbands? Did you find out the genders?
How was the delivery?! Neither Lindsey nor Abby had C-sections and neither were considered or treated as high-risk. They had multiple ultrasounds throughout to be sure fetal heartbeats were recorded and growth was measuring within reason. Abby was almost full term, and although Lindsey’s girls were preemies, they were healthy enough to go home quickly.
Every twin mom I’ve ever talked to says the first year is pretty much a blur and by far the hardest part. What’s your take on your daughters’ first year?
[insert note here: Parent Trap, Suite Life of Zack & Cody, Mary Kate & Ashley… make twins seem fun & amazing! We never see them during the first year! ]Nursing: did you nurse? I can remember keeping track of how much my first born nursed, timing each side, switching to make sure things stayed “even.” How do you manage that with multiples? The female body is an amazing creation!
Schedules/Routines. Surely these were vital?? If they were on different eating/sleeping schedules how could you function??
If they eat, it takes an hour…if they’re premature, you’re waking them to make sure they’re eating enough. You’re probably sleeping in 1-2 hr stretches AT MOST, not counting teething, sickness, growth spurts, etc.
Did you enlist help from family, etc.? What did friends do that blessed you or helped?
Did they sleep together? Or was that a recipe for zero sleep for anyone? Happier together or separate?
Curious about their personalities/temperaments. Were those immediately distinguishable? Could you tell them apart? (Did you have tricks to keep them straight?)
Witching Hour: When both are crying in stereo, how did you deal with that? Just pick your favorite? When both are melting down into tantrums…what’s your solution? (for the record, moms of one-at-a-time kids would love to know answers to this, too.)
Would you say your girls encourage one another more or act as partners in crime?
Logistics: you have to have two car seats, double stroller, two cribs, more clothes, diapers…. (diaper cost!?)
Did you do the identical dressing thing?
Do you have examples of when it’s been a blessing to have a built-in playmate/friend/partner? Ways they “know” each other in ways only they share?
Common Questions Moms of Twins are asked:
- Are they twins?
- Are they identical?
- Can you tell them apart?
- Are they natural? (awkward way of asking if you did fertility treatments or IVF)
- Questions about delivery
- Which one is your favorite? Which one is smarter?
- Are they your only kids? Are you going to have more?
Common Comments or Situations Twin Moms Run into:
- People say “double trouble” or “better you than me”
- It’s very difficult to go places b/c you’re constantly stopped by strangers and asked questions.
- Can’t go anywhere unnoticed.
- Like most babies, people constantly wanting to get in their faces/touch them. Harder to protect when there are 2.
- Nearly impossible to shop when both in infant carriers or at stores without 2 seats on the cart (shout out to Sam’s, Target and Publix!) unless you can push your double stroller AND pull your cart.
- People lump them together & call them “the twins” without trying to learn their names, also constantly comparing–often sharing in your presence. They have ears.
- You are known as the “twins” mom…your identity gets lost
- Teachers/caregivers mix up rewards, discipline, attendance records, etc.
- The struggle when one child gets invited to a party or playdate and the other doesn’t.
- Finding babysitters!
- Mommy & Me classes usually have a 1:1 ratio.
School: Lindsey, yours have fairly recently started school, and Abby, yours have graduated high school and are in college. How did you decide where they were going to go? Whether they’d be in the same class or separated? What helped you make those decisions? Schools actually recommend placing twins in separate classes, and that was never much of an issue with Abby’s girls. They went to same school through elementary, and then branched out and went to different schools for middle and high school. They’re different people with different talents and gifts and shouldn’t be treated as a unit. For Lindsey, her two started school just before the pandemic, and they did start in different preschool classes. Once covid became an issue, she had them put in the same class just to keep her sanity! It was much easier having to monitor/teach the SAME kindergarden assignments and schedules and reduce the risk of having to quarantine differently should they have those issues at school.
Abby—since your girls have been thru high school, did that require any special/different navigation? They’re driving at the same time (learning), getting braces?, taking the ACTs, applying for schools, dating, sports….
Do you think they felt pressure to perform similarly? Or was there a definitive divide: (one does music, one does science) that made it more seamless? Comparison is always something you have to navigate with siblings, and it’s no different with twins.
You also had two other children (boys). After raising twins, did you find that experience exponentially easier? Not necessarily, Abby says. Her pregnancy with her son, Knox, was actually more difficult, and she oddly found she thought it was harder with one, and she missed the back and forth of twins.
Do your girls LIKE being twins? Do they get annoyed with being asked about it? This depends greatly on the age of the kids! While it’s fun or novel when they’re young, when they get older and are trying to be independent and express their own individuality, it can be annoying. They can be resentful sometimes. Now that Abby’s two are young adults, they find they like the novelty again, especially since they have found their own places at colleges in different states and have groups of different friends.
Even though it’s used a lot for weddings, I think this verse from Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 paints a beautiful picture of what life as a twin can be. “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. If they stumble, the first will lift up his friend—but woe to anyone who is alone when he falls and there is no one to help him get up. Again, if two lie close together, they will keep warm, but how can only one stay warm? If someone attacks one of them, the two of them together will resist. Furthermore, the tri-braided cord is not soon broken.”