Well, it’s that time of year again. A common topic of conversation that likely keeps popping up again and again amongst parents is How does your family celebrate Christmas?
Bonnie and I were BLESSED enough to miss the Elf on the shelf craze. That sounds exhausting!
Some families do Advent activities and bust out the chocolate. Most everyone decorates a tree. The age-old dilemma of white lights (preferred by moms everywhere!) or colored lights (the joy of almost every child) must be decided.
And what about Santa? Some parents like to go all out: fake phone calls from Santa (there’s an app), letters to the North Pole, and mountains of presents.
How should we respond as Christian parents? Is Santa a worldly lie and dangerous affront to the gospel that absolutely must be stamped out? Or is it a harmless piece of make-believe that can live alongside the celebration of Jesus birth?
Explaining Santa Claus and telling your kids about St. Nicholas can be tricky. Each family has unique values, traditions, and convictions and must decide for themselves how to explain Santa Claus to their children.
This is in no way a judgment on what other families do or how they handle Santa Claus. I hate that I have to even say this, but our current cultural climate appears to think someone is inadvertently judging you if they have a different way of doing things. This episode is simply to give an account of how our family of six has handled this cultural topic. If you’re a young family, perhaps this post will give you some ideas on how to handle the Santa Claus question!
Renee: My husband and I both grew up with Santa Claus visiting our houses on Christmas Eve.
Granted, he did things a little differently for both of us. Santa always wrapped my presents and placed them on the red leather footstool of a fabulous 70’s armchair. He also filled stockings with all kinds of goodies. In my husband’s home, Santa brought the “wishlist” things and his parents wrapped up more “practical” things like shoes and clothes.
Bonnie and Bob: Santa visited our houses on Christmas Eve too. I don’t remember ever visiting him at the mall or anything, but we read stories and it was hyped up. What do you want Santa to bring you? What are you going to ask Santa for? It wasn’t until middle elementary (probably 4th grade) that the “rest of the story” was realized.
Some of my (Renee’s) greatest childhood memories were baking cookies and putting out milk for Santa. It wasn’t until I was in SIXTH grade sitting that I (Renee) finally conceded that a man flying around the world overnight with presents for millions of kids was likely untrue. (In my defense, I had younger siblings! I played along!). I defended Santa as fiercely as a 6th grader could.
Were my parents wrong for lying to me?
Dr. Josh Straub has a great article on Lifeway’s website that walks you through handling Santa with your kids. In it he notes:
Research from two psychologists in 2017, suggest that lying to our children about Santa Claus could expose our children to “abject disappointment.”
As Kathy McKay, co-author of the study, said: “The Santa myth is such an involved lie, such a long-lasting one, between parents and children, that if a relationship is vulnerable, this may be the final straw. If parents can lie so convincingly and over such a long time, what else can they lie about?”
If you go along with the Santa tradition like most families do, take heart. I’m grateful my parents went along with Santa. But I also think we should pay attention to the research, and take some caution.
What did Bob and Bonnie do? We didn’t feel lied to. Instead, it was like we’d been let in on a secret that only trusted mature people knew. We then carried a responsibility to keep the magic alive for others. We carried on the tradition with our own two.
David and I both have good memories of believing in Santa Claus and were not traumatized when we realized that he is not real. We never felt lied to or duped. Neither of us ever doubted the existence of Jesus because our parents had told us that Santa was real. We never felt our parents were being dishonest. So, we were inclined to do the same with our kids.
Some years later, as we were growing in our faith, we found this book and used it when we told the kids what we were doing: Santa, Are You For Real? By Harold Lawrence Myra former President of Christianity Today,
This book explains that there really was a Saint Nicholas. Through colorful illustrations and a heartwarming story, children – and parents – will learn who the real Saint Nick was, when he lived, and why he gave gifts. Most importantly, you’ll see how the original Saint Nick set an example for us today by keeping Christ at the heart of Christmas.
Back to Straub’s article and his 7 suggestions…
7 Suggestions for Handling Santa Claus as Christians
1. Follow your convictions.
Gemma Byrd at TGC Australia notes: One argument for outlawing Santa is that we are lying to our children. Proverbs 12:22 tells us that “The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy.” Lying to our children is clearly wrong. But is playing Santa lying?
Most people are rightly comfortable with reading stories and imaginary play when it comes to raising their children. My children love to play crocodiles, and after a game of crocodiles, I don’t need to sit my children down and have a serious talk explaining that I am not a real crocodile. They understand that we are playing, and that there is a difference between imaginary play and reality.
While Santa definitely falls into the realm of imagination and fiction, you might be concerned that your children will be deceived into thinking it’s real. I think this might be less of a danger than we imagine it to be. For example, my four-year-old son loves dragons. We read truckloads of stories about dragons, but he has never asked me if dragons are real. As he grows and develops, he will realise that dragons are not real, and I do not tie myself in knots over whether I have lied to him.
This is partly because children are capable of determining what is real and what is imaginary and partly because of the way I approach the topic of dragons. When I read my son mountains of books about dragons, my intent is simply to engage his imagination; to show him that reading is fun—and nothing more. I make no effort to persuade him that dragons are real.
Our intent when it comes to Santa is extremely important when determining whether Santa is a lie or a game. Is our intent to hoodwink and wilfully deceive our children into a serious, lifelong delusion about the existence of Santa? Or is our intent to play a fun game for a limited period of time? Some parents feel deeply uncomfortable with the concept that Santa is a game—they feel that it is lying, plain and simple. They may fear that their children will feel betrayed when they discover the truth. Others might conclude that it is a matter of how Santa is handled. If parents take care to keep clear of lies and unhelpful elements, Santa could be included as a fun game and nothing more. There is Christian freedom in both approaches. https://au.thegospelcoalition.org/article/the-christmas-dilemma-santa-or-no-santa/
For some, the answer to whether we should tell the truth about Santa to our kids from the beginning is clear. For others, the answer is a little more nebulous. Either way, we must know and follow our convictions. But in so doing, don’t judge others for how they carry out their own Christmas traditions (see Romans 14). Besides, there’s already enough parent shaming to go around today.
2. Don’t use Santa Claus to manipulate your children to behave.
Let’s be honest, who hasn’t used Santa to exorcise a sugar-possessed child from Christmas candy? At the risk of sounding like a scrooge, Santa’s not making a list and checking it twice. God, on the other hand, really does know your child’s heart.
One element of playing Santa that clearly clashes terribly with the Christian faith is the idea that Santa is always watching. Some stories about Santa elevate Santa to godlike status: he is all-knowing, all-seeing and he will make a list of who is naughty or nice.
Only God is all-knowing and all-seeing. Only God will judge. The gospel teaches the exact opposite of Santa. NOT ONE of us is good by God’s standards; NOBODY will make the ‘nice list’. And yet, instead of a lump of coal (or something much worse), God offers us the gift of salvation through the resurrection of our Lord Jesus.
Perhaps this is enough for you to decide that Santa is out. However, it is quite easy to remove the naughty/nice
3. Build relational trust with your kids.
Notice what McKay says in the study, “…that if a relationship is vulnerable, [the myth of Santa] may be the final straw.” Emphasis is mine. Some of my greatest childhood memories with my parents involved Santa Claus and Christmas. Not only did my parents also place high value on the birth of Jesus, I already trusted them. I didn’t question my parent’s love for me. I was emotionally safe. Again, Santa Claus isn’t the issue here; it’s the overall quality of our relationship with our kids.
4. Teach your kids about the real St. Nicholas.
The term Santa Claus is derived from the name St. Nicholas, a real and revered 4th century Christian saint, who became known for secretly giving gifts to others. Note: He gave presents to people not based on their behavior, but to secretly bless them.
5. Focus on Jesus’ birth.
No matter your personal convictions about Santa Claus, spend more time talking about Jesus’ birth than jolly ‘ole St. Nick.
Through Advent, some parents teach their kids about the 25 characters of the Christmas story. If he comes to their school or they see him in a Christmas movie, they talk about Santa, but you can also use him as a way to point your kids to Jesus. You can put out milk and cookies the night before Christmas. But also throw a banger of a birthday party for Jesus.
6. Focus on imagination.
Straub says that what his mother-in-law did with his wife, Christi, and her siblings growing up is exactly what he does in his house. They played Santa. And when it came time for the kids to ask if Santa was real, her answer was simply, “Santa is pretend. And in our house, we pretend.”
This is my favorite answer! (I wish we had done this!)
7. But what about the elf on the shelf, you ask?
It’s too much work. Santa has enough to do this Christmas.
A Final Note About the Virtue of Celebration
The impulse to celebrate as a means to remember God’s provision has ancient roots. After sparing His chosen people from imminent destruction, God specifically instructed them to commemorate His faithfulness through an annual celebration (i.e. Exodus 12:14-20). Whether it’s Purim (marking their deliverance from Haman), Passover (celebrating their deliverance from slavery), or Chanukah (celebrating the rededication of the temple), the Jewish people have created unique festive traditions shaped around God’s commands to remember.
Despite God’s continued faithfulness, our memories tend to be short-term. We so easily get distracted and swallowed up by both the incidental and enormous challenges of life that we forget the many times God has dropped manna or parted the waters for us. When the bank account dips below minimum, the mechanic’s bill exceeds our weekly paycheck, or the pathology report comes back positive, it feels more natural to shake our clenched fists at God than to organize a party.
Which is why celebrations are so crucial to our spiritual life. The very act of celebrating anchors us in a deeper story—one that precedes any current hardship or pain. God’s narrative goes back to the Garden when He formed us from the dust and called us into loving relationship with each other and with Him. It continued when Jesus became flesh and assumed all of our sin and brokenness so that we could enjoy fellowship with the Trinity. It will culminate in, yes, a celebration—the wedding feast of Christ with His bride, the Church.
Byrd: The Christmas season is chock full of worldly traditions that have nothing to do with the birth of Jesus. If your conscience is calling you to trim the fat and focus on Jesus, I applaud you. Trim away! But it might still be worth considering that leaning into the Christmas season can provide us with many opportunities to share Jesus with our friends and community. Churches get together to make puddings, gingerbread houses, wreaths—all for an opportunity to share the gospel. We can do the same; we can invite friends over for Christmas parties and show them our nativity scenes and tell them how much we love Jesus. I want my children to love celebrating the birth of Jesus—and Santa can play a small role in making Christmas a celebration, along with gifts, food, family, friends and lights.
Resources:
Adventures in Odyssey #7: Electric Christmas