We’re rounding the corner into May, which is when the end-of-the year ceremonies ramp up, so we thought we’d weigh in on some of that.
Not just graduations but other milestone markers as well. As you know if you’ve listened to the podcast before, my kids (Bonnie’s) went to public school, and Renee’s kids were homeschooled, so we will have different experiences here to share.
“Pomp and Circumstance” is a marching song written by Sir Edward Elgar in 1901 for the coronation of King Edward VII. The song’s title comes from a line in Othello by William Shakespeare that says “Pride, pomp, and circumstance of glorious war!” . The phrase “pomp and circumstance” means a formal and impressive ceremony, or a display of splendor or stateliness.
Graduations
If your child has done the work, after 12 years of education in the US K-12 (not counting preschool), he or she will be set to graduate from high school and go on to whatever is next: trade school, university, job or gap year.
It’s a big deal. It’s a huge accomplishment, not just for the KID, who by this point in the year has a serious case of Senioritis, but for the whole family. There have been projects, homework, field trips, exams, years of standardized testing. Maybe your child was involved in clubs, sports, running the school newspaper or holding an office. As a parent, we’ve tutored, encouraged, pushed, and possibly threatened our children to get to this point…not to mention the lunches made, projects helped with, classroom volunteering, and carpooling/taxiing around town.
If they’re like most kids in the US, they’ve been with these same people for several years, and graduation is very likely the last time they will see many of them. And the same goes for many of the parents—who have been friends with other parents, chaperoning field trips and dances, running fundraisers and schlepping kids to and from events.
I so remember my own HS graduation. We had 384 in our senior class and I remember bawling after everyone threw their caps in the air afterwards. All the pictures were terrible because anyone who knows me knows I’m a decidedly ugly crier—but there it is. I was so sad because I’d loved school so much and had a very tight group of friends that were scattering to the winds.
Renee? (your own HS graduation/experience)
When our OWN kids graduated HS, there were definitely feelings of pride and accomplishment that ALL of us had made it to this point! There were some FEELINGS when the first bars of Pomp & Circumstance were played and the graduates all walked in wearing their caps and gowns.…
Renee— Had Sproles Academy. I attended both your kids’ graduation ceremonies and I remember you and David both being pretty emotional.
How did you handle a homeschool graduation? Did you have caps and gowns? Speeches? Were they each valedictorian?
Graduation Parties
When I graduated, we had the ceremony, maybe some folks came in from out of town, and you got a few cards in the mail, but that was it. I don’t remember a big party with all my friends like a lot of people do now. We did that for each of our kids—a backyard come and go celebration with family and friends. Kind of a last hurrah. Their favorite foods, sweet pictures, and a great playlist.
If you’re hosting a party for your grad, (or if you’ll have one in upcoming years), a good tip is to stock up after New Years when things that say the year go on sale.
We made a backdrop for pictures, had some games in the yard and some finger foods. It was a fun couple of hours – quite a bit of work to put together! But I still have some great mems from those days.
I know several families who went in together so it spread out the work/cost on everyone. Great idea! And it helps out those who attend, too….they can drop by ONE house and cover 3-4 kids at once.
Other Rites of Passage in School
Idk if you did this, Renee—and I don’t remember doing anything like this when I was in school—but now in schools, there seem to be many “mini graduations”.
Even when our kids were as young as 4 and finishing preschool (mother’s day out), we had a kind of graduation ceremony. They even had little caps & gowns and pictures and the whole deal.
Sometimes there’s another ceremony/graduation from primary to middle school.
Then in 8th grade, transitioning from middle to high school, there was a ceremony again. With awards and acknowledgements and the whole 9. Also, they had a special “8th grade only” dance, sort of a mini formal, like a pre-prom.
What do you think about this? Is it a good thing to mark rites of passage in school like this? Or does it detract from the final, REAL graduation at the end of the school journey?
In some ways, this seems more for the PARENTS than the kids. Does a 4 yr old really appreciate that this marks the move to kindergarten? Do they wonder why we’re wearing these outfits and marching in a line to get a “diploma”? Is it all just so we can have something else to post about or is it significant?
The 8th grade kids (we’re talking 13-14 yr olds) may understand the transition more, but what does it do for them to go thru a ceremony or an awards banquet etc… when they’re at this awkward age struggling to blend, impress, stand out or not…?
Did you have middle school dances?
Do you remember the awkwardness?
We were wearing jeans and a neon top, with some seriously high bangs and geometric earrings. My parents had zero to do with any of it, and we all showed up in friend groups, rarely paired off.
Now it’s amped up to prom-level, with having to ask someone, get fancy (and sometimes expensive!!!) outfits, corsages, the whole deal, when they’re not even sure, half of them, what the whole “date” thing is all about…. And tbh, as parents are we WANTING them to be sure about that at 13? At 13-14, it’s the school and the parents running the show. We’re the ones springing for the salons and dresses. [also…a lot of ”formal” dresses anymore look like going clubbing. It’s hard to find a dress that covers all you’d like covered.]
But again—it’s a photo op! I have a framed picture of me and my son at his 8th grade formal. It wasn’t too long after that that he shot up and got way taller than me. I do remember it as kind of a time of added drama, tho. And there’s always more than enough of that already in middle school!
Milestone Markers
So there’s are other opportunities for marking milestones in our kids’ lives too, which are worth mentioning.
SCOUTING—both of our sons worked thru the ranks to Eagle Scout. The ceremony for that is really nice. There’s acknowledgements of the parents and there was real work & effort & time involved in getting to that level. They have to complete an Eagle project that’s significant and it’s usually a matter of some years to achieve.
It’s kind of a passing of the mantle from troop leaders to the scouts, hoping down the road they’ll step up and give back in their adulthood.
BLACK BELT
This is another one where there’s years and tons of work put in to reach a level. Passing the black belt exam is no joke—it’s very physical.
PILOT’S LICENSE
SPORTS – signing with a college team or a team out of college
PASSPORT TO PURITY?? (or something similar); Raising a Modern Day Knight
Cultural rites of passage— quincenera
RELIGIOUS — confirmations, baptisms
1 cor 13:11…when I was a child, I spoke as a child, understood as a child and thought as a child. But when I became a man, I put away childish things.
There is value in marking significant milestones in a child’s life. Adults taking the time to do so does communicate something to the child and bestows honor. It acknowledges they’re ready for the next step and you’re confident they can master it.
It’s why we celebrate birthdays & anniversaries. Marking the passage of significant things gives us tangible memories as humans.
How much is too much? Do we need a ceremony every time our child learns a new word or figures out how to tie his shoes? Probably not.
Over gushing, over celebrating, and over praising renders the tasks meaningless. Kids themselves KNOW what has required effort and what really hasn’t. Save the ceremonies for the BIG stuff.