Back-to-school time is just around the corner, or maybe in your area school’s already started! Our perspective on Just Ask Your Mom is, of course, from a parent’s POV, but we thought it would be worthwhile to hear from TEACHERS. What is it that teachers want parents to know? What can we as parents do to set our kids up for classroom success?
Here with us to talk about some of these things are TWO veteran teachers:
Cindy Patton is a former middle school math & Bible teacher. She taught for 17 yrs, grades 5 and middle school. She’s also in her new life a writer & speaker. She’s part of a team of women who lead conferences for groups based on their book Colorfully Constructed (How God Builds His Kingdom with Unique Personality Colors). Cindy is also the mom of 4 grown children.
Anna D’Herde teaches 4th grade at Middle TN Christian School here in Murfreesboro, and has taught 2nd grade in public schools previously. She’s taught for 7 yrs and has one daughter.
First of all, can we just acknowledge we’re in the presence of greatness for a minute? Teachers, IMO, take on the most precious resource, with great self-sacrifice and a lot of thanklessness (much like moms!!), often face hostility with little support/understanding day in and day out, shaping and molding and forming our kids. What they’ve had to face through the past couple of years has been incredible. **SLOW CLAP** They are Olympians.
Recent article from Forbes states that K-12 workers (a.k.a. teachers) are the most burned out employees in America. With pandemic, staffing shortages, huge numbers of teachers leaving the profession after having taught less than 5 years, visions of school shootings and behavior issues—we ask A BIG FAT LOT of our nation’s teachers.
So, to give you all the floor, based on your experience, (& setting aside the pandemic which knocked everything out of whack), what changes have you seen in being a teacher since you started? With parents, kids in your classroom….???
More technology; increase in character/leadership development
Found this article about 1979 first grade readiness. Thought it would be interesting to compare it to today (40 yrs later). Picked a few from their lists. From 1979:
- Can your child tell where she lives in a way that her speech is understood by a crossing guard?
- Can he ride a two-wheeled bike without training wheels?
- Can he tell the left hand from right?
- Can she be away from you all day without being upset?
- Can she travel alone (4-8 blocks) to store, school, playground or friend’s home?
- Can he count 8-10 pennies correctly?
- Can she try to write or copy letters/numbers?
From today (Scholastic) :
- Have somewhat of a sight-word vocabulary
- Print legibly & write in complete sentences
- Recognize singular & plural forms of nouns
- Memorize & correctly spell btwn 130-150 words
- Count by 2’s, 5’s, and 10’s to 100
- Mentally add numbers to 10, add and subtract to 20
- Tell time to hour/half hour; read thermometer & ruler
- Awareness of current news
- Recognize shared values/goals; participate in group decision making
That’s quite a leap. Is that “progress?” (Notice a lot more focus on academics than life skills.) Who would let a 1st grader walk 8 blocks to the school or store alone these days???
In what ways would you say PARENTS have changed? (Fewer intact families? Fewer parents at home? More or less parental involvement? Is parent involvement more antagonistic towards teachers or more ‘what can I do to help’?)
In what ways would you say STUDENTS have changed? (greater ACEs? Behavior? Motivation/distraction? )
What kind of kids are the most successful in school? (maybe this has an obvious answer, but maybe not)
How can parents HELP teachers help their children to succeed? (don’t negate the teacher’s authority; believe others’ assessments—or at least CONSIDER them—over your child’s assertions: children do lie, they can misbehave or bully or cheat…EVEN YOUR LITTLE ANGEL.)
(Episode re: gifted or IEP child…. While a parent may try to work with teacher to provide extra help or add’l self paced assignments, it’s not always easy to balance in a “normal public school setting” with 25 kids, 2 of whom have severe behavior issues disrupting class time, and 3 whose parents are divorcing so they’re distracted/not keeping up, etc…. Instead of blaming THAT teacher, consider alternative schooling??)
These points are from an article in 2019. Agree or no?
Cut teachers slack about responding to emails/texts immediately. Teachers are ‘on’ from the time they reach campus to the moment they drive home. Between morning staff meetings, requests from administrators in the middle of a lesson, confrontations in the hallways, and surprise drills, there is little time to sit down and provide long, detailed responses to a parent’s specific request about their child. The delayed response is not because we don’t care — it’s because we have so much on our plates with little time to slow down.” — Danielle, high school English teacher in Florida
Kids Need to READ!!! “I wish parents knew just how important it is for their child to read 30 minutes every single day and for struggling readers to read 60 minutes.” — Stacey, second grade teacher in Oregon.
“Reading is not ‘homework.’ It needs to be part of life … If you can’t read, you will struggle in all subjects.” — Diana, middle school math/science teacher in Washington.
You Need to Get WAY More Strict About Their Phones. “Kids in [middle school] need to have their use of electronic devices and social media monitored and limited. A good practice would be to lock the devices up at bedtime so kids won’t tempted by them rather than getting much needed rest. Some of my students come to class exhausted from texting and engaging in social media for hours after their parents think they’ve gone to sleep.” — Ginny, seventh grade language arts teacher in New Jersey.
Your Kid Could Be Living a Double Life. “I wish parents knew that their child’s behavior at home is not the same as their behavior at school. Teachers have the best interest of students at heart and if they report on a behavior, that really happened. Trust us.” — Lauren, fourth grade teacher in Washington.
“When we need to address a problem, it is real!” — Tracey, third grade teacher in Ohio.
It’s OK if They Make Mistakes on their Homework. “I wish parents would not fix homework. A lot of times I have explained how I want it done, which may not be the way YOU would do it! Mistakes also tell me how I need to work with your child. If their work is always 100% correct, I won’t know they need more of my help to understand. It also emphasizes to them that you think they are not capable of doing it — not a good message to build confident learners.” — Mindi, first grade teacher in New York.
Teacher Feedback from Facebook
Encouragement
Missouri: One of my biggest things over the years is “we don’t know what we don’t know.” I understand that some parents wish to keep certain issues/matters private in their life, but shedding a bit of light on why a student is acting a certain way helps us TREMENDOUSLY. Are parents getting divorced? Did someone just pass away? We are human and can only extend so much grace for certain things but you better believe I have a different outlook and approach if I’m enlightened. When we know better, we do better.
And echoing the handwritten notes of appreciation! I hang onto those with the death grip and read them periodically on rough days.
Response from TN: Just like as parents we spend time wondering if we could be doing a better job, if we should have used different words, if we should have seen something coming before it happened, etc, teachers have those same doubts and worries about their students. Teachers take the weight and importance of their jobs very seriously, and knowing that someone sees our efforts and appreciates us helps so much!
Another response from TN: Surprise treats like lunch or a coffee can make a teacher’s whole day! I am so blessed to teach in a place with wonderful, supportive parents. It really helps me get through the tough parts of teaching.
Conflict Management
Tennessee: Also, if you have an issue with your child’s teacher or a question, please come to us directly rather than going over our heads to the principal. Most of us really want to work with you, so please give us a chance to do so before painting us in a negative light to administration. On the other hand, if you send us a positive note or e-mail, it means the world to us if you pass your compliments on to our principals as well.
Elemenatry and Preschool Teachers
Tennessee: Any note sent home about a behavior or incident is never intended to be pointing the finger or calling out a problem. If I’m sending a note home, I’m wanting to encourage families to talk about the day once they get home and I want them to know that we are all on the same team.
Response: Sometimes your child behaves differently at school than they might at home. If we say that we are seeing or hearing something problematic or concerning, please listen to us. We only want to help.
Ask questions before blaming. Often times there are misunderstandings that cause tension and awkwardness between parents and teachers that could easily be avoided by using open communication.
Perspective of Teacher/Student Relationship
Tennessee: I want them to know that we’re on the same side. It is not us against them or us against their student. We’re a team, working together for the betterment of their child and we genuinely care for them.
We really do love your child and want to help them grow! This might look different from student to student, but not all students have the same needs or backgrounds. While some students may need extra time, snacks, hugs, etc, loving other students might look like allowing a productive struggle, encouraging the uncomfortableness while learning problem solving, etc. Not all kids have the same needs, so our responses to situations will not always be the same.
Kentucky: That we love their son or daughter and really do want the very best for them! I will protect my students with my life!
Georgia: Please know we take our jobs home – grading, lesson plans, newsletter, grade book, report cards AND we buy a lot for our students and classrooms.
Skills Training
Tennessee: From a kindergarten teacher here! A lot of parents focus on ABCs and 123s. But really we need kiddos to come in as self-sufficient as possible. For example students need to be able to open and close Ziploc baggies, open all of their lunch on their own, be able to re-dress after using the restroom by themselves, etc. Kiddos miss 1/2 their lunch sometimes waiting on someone to open it for them! The rest will come, but the more self-sufficient they are coming into school the more successful they will be because they will have less stress and more confidence in their own abilities. And that confidence helps them learn new things!!
How to Help Teachers
Georgia:
Sending in supplies throughout the whole year
Sending in bulk snacks for kiddos who’s parents don’t or days when kiddos forget theirs
Send in handwritten notes of appreciation throughout the whole year/ not just during teacher appreciation week
Volunteer (please!)
Ask teacher for what she/he really wants and needs and get it asap
Administrative Wishes
From a School Secretary and Response from a teacher (different states):
I work in the office of an elementary school. One thing we need parents/guardians to do is keep their contact information updated especially their phone numbers. If there is an emergency, we need to reach a parent/guardian as soon as possible.
…and to check their email AND don’t let their voice mail fill up
Also, make sure that the student has the number and knows who to call first.
Again from a school office perspective, when we ask for an ID before checking out a student or to enter the school building, it is for your child’s safety.
And from another administrator: and make sure the pick up list is updated and the person is on it.
I work in a school office and please make an appt if you need to see a teacher. We can’t call them from class to come see you and we can’t send phone calls to their classrooms. Also, make sure your kid knows how to get home and have a plan for if practice/after school activities are cancelled. Outside activities get cancelled and kids are not sure how to get home.
Allowing them to “fail”
Illinois: If your kid is in college, do not call or email their professors. Ever. It doesn’t matter if you’re paying their tuition.
Response from TN: Nor should you call their employer! I have had some recent college grads parents call to ask questions about their benefits
Response from HS counselor: If your child is in high school, please encourage (and expect) them to take care of their own school business (apply for colleges, request transcripts, apply for scholarships, communicate with teachers, etc). Parents will not be going to college with their child. Use high school (or much earlier actually) to help your child learn to advocate for themselves. Independent responsible adults is the goal. A constant mantra in our office is irresponsibility on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
Concerning Grades and Student-Specific Questions
Tennessee: Never have I ever met a high school teacher who has it out for a specific student, nor have I ever known a teacher to fail a student on purpose. Most, if not all, teachers are required to have an updated website where parents can see the textbooks and curriculum used in their class(es).
Grading
Anonymous: Be aware of your student’s grades all quarter long, not just then end of a grading period. School libraries have their card catalogs online and accessible to parents. Teachers really want to help students succeed and be prepared for whatever the student wants to do next: college, trade school, military, work, etc.
Response from TN: High school teachers see anywhere from 100- 200 students a day depending on class size and traditional vs. block schedules. Please make use of parent portals and check your students grades online every couple of weeks. I have found this practice helps to avoid big problems of all kinds.
Response from Wisconsin: If you need more time for an assignment, please ask before the deadline! And please be gracious if an extension is granted. Many teachers have set aside time for feedback/grading, and your extension may disrupt other things your teacher needs to do. Your extension doesn’t just impact you!
Anonymous very emotional response
I wanted to add to your post about teachers, but not publicly because it makes me sound like a sad sack. It’s important to discuss that teachers are having most, if not all, the same anxiety issues the students are having. The past 2 years, I spent many mornings crying in the car before I went unto work because I didn’t know what horrible new thing would happen that day. I dreaded opening my email. Only speaking of last year, I was accused of: closing assignments (after 2 calendar weeks) to purposefully fail students, being a racist, not providing a student with handouts (because I insisted the student walk across the room and get them for himself), being too easy a grader, being too hard a grader, and many more. Also, a student had an outburst (calling me many names I’ll not repeat) and then refused to leave my classroom until both the assistant principal and the SRO showed up. This outburst was brought on because I asked the student why they were late from lunch. Most teachers have one foot out the door for the sake of their sanity. Parents need to take this onto account when beginning a conversation with a teacher. We are all having a really hard time. I give grace to my students, I really need some from parents as well.
Make-Up Work
Also when any work is sent home due to absences/Covid, it is extremely helpful when the parents make sure the child completes it and checks for understanding so they don’t get too far behind. We cover so much every day. Even in 2nd grade!
WHAT ELSE WOULD YOU ADD?
PRAY— not only for your child but for school administration, teachers, classmates
APPROACH teacher first if there’s a problem, instead of going to other parents or principal
Don’t pay kids for grades–all kids want As but not all kids want to WORK for them. (Cindy Patton)
Clearly define CHEATING — copying homework counts as much as answers for tests. (Cindy)
Don’t bash a teacher in front of kids.
Helicopter/lawnmower parents…. let your kids make mistakes, fail a test, miss rewards.
Value learning as much as sports.