None of us likes to imagine it. You’re married, a couple of kids, life is cruising along in the busy lane, and BOOM you get that call or that diagnosis or any number of things we label “the unthinkable.” (which is why we don’t think of them).
You (or your spouse) is left flying solo. We merrily say these vows at the altar (til death do us part), but we imagine that scenario is always some vague future distance away. Until it’s not. All of a sudden you’re in a scramble at the very worst, most emotional time of your life.
How do I pay the mortgage? What about our sophomore’s college plans? What’s the password for the investment account—I always meant to write that down. Do we even have life insurance?
Back in season 1 (episode 25) of this podcast, we talked about being part of the Sandwich Generation—that time of life where a lot of us are caring for both young children and aging parents. When you’re in that situation and become more responsible for someone who’s elderly, you start to realize all the information you need access to—health information/insurance, financial records/accounts, passwords, vital documents, etc. You’re accompanying a parent to a doctor’s appointment and need to know what meds they’re on, what their co-pay is and some family medical history, for starters.
In this podcast, we’re talking about WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW/HAVE ON HAND to be MORE prepared for the worst.
YOUNG MARRIED COUPLES OR YOUNG SINGLE ADULTS
—When we were first married….we didn’t have a lot, maybe one shared checking and savings account, a couple of cars, and a small life insurance policy. I (the more organized one) paid the bills, monitored the money situation, and knew roughly what the budget was at any given time. We didn’t have our cars in both our names. We had ONE insurance policy on just my husband.
Renee? Same shared checking and savings, rental insurance for our apartment. No health insurance and David’s parents freaked out, paid for a 6-month policy to get us to graduation. I paid the bills etc. till the tipping point was reached at age 30 and he took over.
Typically, in every relationship, there’s one person (more Type A) who manages the finances/details and another person who’s happy to follow along. That’s all fine and good unless for some reason, Person 2 has to take over. Then it’s 1000 questions and a lot of frustration. Where do we keep the……? How do I log on to……..? Our checking account’s overdrawn. What’s our online access code?
Basic funeral cost runs about $10k. Life insurance can help pay that. A young married couple & many families with young children may not have that amount easily available. Average cost of a basic life insurance policy is around $30/month.
As each of my kids has left home or gotten married themselves, as part of their launching, I’ve made them what I call a “Box of Very Important Things.” It includes files (& there aren’t many at first) for (1) identify information (passports, social security cards, health records), (2) financial info (past filed taxes, FAFSA, credit cards, bank account info), (3) they each have renter’s insurance—what does this include & why have it? (4) health insurance info, (5) any other important access info (AAA, professional/scholarship orgs)
I explain: This is now yours to have & to hold. If you take something out of here, put it back. If you get something else important, this is where it goes: marriage license, insurance policies, car titles, etc. It can go in a SAFE or SAFE DEPOSIT BOX at a bank, or you can just have it at home (good to have copies elsewhere in case of fire).
**While I did this for my kids, I wasn’t so scrupulous about keeping things in order for my own house. *I* was still the one who knew where everything was filed and how to access everything. A year after we were married, my mother passed away, and I watched my father sift through mountains of paperwork afterward. They’d been married about 30 years..so I guess in my mind I was still imagining that’s the kind of thing “I’d worry about later.” DON’T DO THAT.
Renee?? Were ya’ll on top of it at first? We got insurance to replace my work. Insurance in case we lost David’s income. We talked to my brother about taking the kids if something happened to us. Friend named as executor of will. Once Emma turned 18, we named her as guardian of Houston.
In most states, if something happens to a spouse, the assets automatically go to the surviving spouse, but this will take some paperwork and legwork, especially if some things are not jointly owned. Recommend for ease of property transfer that property is in both names (car, house, accounts).
It’s good to have a WILL in place just to spell things out and have in hand, even if you don’t think you have a lot. (WE didn’t do this.) It’s not a big legal expensive deal to do this. You can easily find boilerplate templates online for each state & then go have it notarized at your bank. Voila. Done.
If you don’t name guardians for your kids, the state/judge decides where they go. (per David)
Check that your beneficiaries are listed at banks, investment accounts, 401k’s, IRA’s, life insurance. If you’re divorced, get that updated.
Another document you need to have on hand (& in your box or file of very important things) is a POWER OF ATTORNEY. (Renee: Ours is in a lockbox and at the attorney’s office.) This authorizes you to handle someone else’s financial affairs if that person becomes incapacitated. In the event one spouse becomes incapacitated in some form or another via accident, aging or terminal illness, bills are still able to be paid from joint accounts. The conflict arises from the ability to sell joint assets such as homes and cars when the titles are held in both names, or the other incapacitated spouse’s name. In the event your spouse does not have a power of attorney, the process to have the necessary authority is long, expensive and arduous. To better protect your joint assets, a durable power of attorney is a fairly easy way to ensure you are ready to handle affairs should the need arrive unexpectedly one day.
You can have a POA for handling assets and another for medical decisions made on your behalf. It’s like a co-pilot document & ONLY takes affect if you can’t make decisions. It also ends upon death….where the will then picks up.
Often, spouses name each other as their POA. After age 65, it can be wise to add the name of a child or other trusted person as a backup. If you’re caring for parents, it’s definitely worth asking if they have POA documents and if not, find a form online and get those signed/notarized!
BEEN MARRIED AWHILE…. (or YOUR PARENTS ARE GETTING OLDER)
Let’s say you’ve been married awhile now. There are a couple of kids in the picture. You’ve managed to buy a house, have some money in an IRA or maybe some investments here and there.
It’s even MORE important now (with kids) that you have that WILL and POA. You need to have life insurance policy on EACH SPOUSE, even if one is a SAH parent. (Renee—calculated the amount needed to pay for child care, home upkeep, etc….)
This is actually the reason we DIDN’T go ahead and make a will … we couldn’t agree on who we’d designate as guardian of our kids if something were to happen to both of us at once. It was a bad decision…anyone we’d picked would’ve been better than a possible foster/state situation!
Now that I’ve lived a bit, I’ve seen my fair share of couples who’ve lost a spouse, including my father—twice.
IT IS A KINDNESS for you to leave things in order for the one who has to wade through all the paperwork! It’s one more way to love your spouse/family well.
After my father’s second wife died unexpectedly, he had to (again) administer all the paperwork and wrap everything up. It was at this point (he was in his 70’s) that he started THE BOOK OF EVERYTHING, which he reviewed annually to make sure it was all updated/current. He let me know who he’d appointed executor of his estate and where his will, etc. was located.
Now that I’ve been acting as executor for the past 4 months, I can tell you that was GOLD. I’ve since made my OWN “book of very important things” so everything is spelled out & accessible. My husband/kids know where the book lives and what’s in it.
If you don’t have one of these for your household, it needs to be on your priority list of things to do! If you’re a caregiver for one or both parents, THEY NEED TO HAVE THESE THINGS IN PLACE.
Here’s what to include:
- Each of you Print your will/POA. Sign & best to have it notarized.
If you have specific funeral/burial wishes, include this information.
List of who to notify: employers, personal contacts, etc. (e.g., military retirement, state retirement pay)
Funeral home. This is who will issue death certificates (about a week or so after funeral…you’ll need several copies)
Whoever will specifies as “executor” will then be responsible for notifying accounts, etc. of death and starting the inheritance process. Court will have to officially appoint you as “executor” & you’ll get an official document (your “golden ticket”). An estate attorney will need to lead you thru this process. If you have name/number of someone to notify in your book, so much the better.
Include copies of important documents—ssn, marriage certificate, birth certificates
- Cars/Vehicles : Include titles, loan info. Where are keys located? (keys to riding mowers, tractors, locked trailers, etc.). Once you’ve sold a vehicle, don’t forget to take it off your insurance policy.
- Real Estate: home, rental properties, businesses, etc. Include deeds, lease agreements, tax ID numbers (for businesses)
- BANK ACCOUNTS: list all bank accounts, online access/login info, passwords, etc. List investment info (IRA accounts, stocks owned, mutual funds, etc.) and all associated passwords, logins, account info. It’s a good idea to designate beneficiaries on all these accounts—which you can usually do online by filling out some info. Whatever accounts you have beneficiaries on (and SECONDARY beneficiaries), can be inherited without waiting to go thru probate.
- INSURANCE: list all policies. Name, beneficiaries (see above), how much it’s for, when it expires, policy number, annual premium paid. How do you get online access? What are logins and passwords? Include HOMEOWNERS and CAR insurances. Include HEALTH insurance.
- CREDIT CARDS: access info, etc. Include stuff like Kohls, Target, Sams membership, etc.
Started doing this after I lost my mother: if kids expressed interest in a certain item, I’d either give it to them right then or make a note of it in “wishes” part of will for future reference so there’d be no tension/division over STUFF. The more you accumulate and/or keep, the more you leave for your kids to deal with.
If you’re dealing with the loss of a parent and having to go through their belongings, especially if you don’t live in the same city or state as them, it can be tempting to quickly clear things out.
(example of Angie’s mom). But hold up…people from older generations hyper concerned about security or who went thru the Depression etc., tend to STASH things. Check:
Toilet tanks (taped inside lid, room for a jar of jewelry)
Freezers (credit cards/coins frozen in blocks of ice…)
Pantries (look inside cereal boxes, flour bags, coffee cans)
Bookshelves (hollowed out books, Bibles…shake out every book on the shelf)
Loose floorboards, loose edges around wall to wall carpets
Old Trunks—under lining, false bottoms
Closets (every piece of clothing & every box, inside pockets)
Drawers—women’s vanities sometimes have at least one drawer with a false bottom…