Most kids are plugged into devices like TVs, game consoles, tablets, and smartphones well before they can even ride a bike. Technology is part of our lives. As much as we might like to eliminate it altogether, most of us probably won’t or can’t. BUT. Is it good for us? Can we tame the technology beast?
Let’s start with the lay of the land by looking at kids & media use: by the numbers
Recent Common Sense Media research shows that media use by tweens (ages 8–12 years) and teens (ages 13–18 years) has risen faster in the two years since the pandemic than the four years before. The research found 8- to 12-year-olds spend an average of five and a half hours a day on screens and consuming media. That rate climbs to over eight and a half hours a day for teens.
Among teens, 79% said they use social media and online videos at least once a week, and 32% of these said they “wouldn’t want to live without” YouTube. And nearly two-thirds (65%) of tweens said they watch TV, 64% watch online videos and 43% play games on a smartphone or tablet every day.
Average daily screentime rates soared highest among Black and Hispanic/Latino kids and those of lower-income families. These teens and tweens were spending between 6.5 and 7.5 hours a day on entertainment screens.
In another survey, 71% of parents with younger children (under 12 years old) said they were concerned about their child spending too much time in front of screens.
That’s A LOT of screentime. A LOT. So, I think we should move to our question like we’ve done so many other times on this podcast: What is media/technology FOR? Because we need to understand what media is for before we know if it’s working for us and our kids.
So, what is technology for?
In the best sense, technology can be used for
- Education
- Entertainment
- Information
- Connection
Digital media use can be used for:
- Exposing us to new ideas and information.
- Raising awareness of current events and issues.
- Promoting community participation.
- Helping students work with others on assignments and projects.
Digital media use also has potential social benefits that:
- Allow families and friends to stay in touch, no matter where they live.
- Enhance access to valuable support networks, especially for people with illnesses or disabilities.
- Help promote wellness and healthy behaviors, such as how to quit smoking or how to eat healthy.
So, are you using it for that? I know that sometimes I (Renee) just needed a break. I needed my kids to sit still for 30 minutes or an hour while I got some stuff done. And hands down, using media was the quickest and easiest way to get that break. But what is the tradeoff? I think we know in our gut that there are trade-offs we make when we use technology as a virtual babysitter. So, let’s hear from some of our listeners about their experiences:
Mom of preschooler
For the good–I really appreciate Listener Kids on YouTube. It’s all worship music for kids and always helps us re-center on what’s important–especially on those hard days!
For the bad–the addiction to Bluey and assuming that TV time will be all of the time has opened our eyes to why TV shouldn’t be constant.
My dad wrote a book on this and did tons of research. Happy to share if you want!
Mom of teens
Our boys used to watch Jessie on Disney Channel. They would watch a couple of episodes during their screen time for the day. After about a month they got incredibly disrespectful towards both of us, but especially their dad. We originally didn’t realize it was that particular show, but we cut their screen time to just Skylanders (a video game) for 30 minutes a day. Within a few days, their entire attitude changed. We started letting them watch a show a day again, and they picked Jessie. Back came the attitudes so Jessie got banned and Disney shows were off limits as well.
Also, in a “modeling” behavior, when scantily clad women would come on tv, usually a commercial during football season or an ad for Victoria’s Secret, my husband has always looked away. Both of the boys, 13 and 16, do it on reflex now as well and make comments like “The ceiling looks great” or “I never noticed that wall before.”
Mom of four, including a newborn
We have done several detoxes and completely screen free weeks. We talked about it beforehand, so the kids really didn’t fight it. They enjoyed so much more quality playtime together, were very creative and were outside exploring more. With adding baby number 4 recently, I’ve relied too much on tv and I think it’s time to get more serious about screen free time again!!
Mom of 9 year old twins
We got the girls new tablets for their birthday 2 weeks ago. They’d outgrown their kid’s fire tablets, and we wanted them to have something that could run their school apps too. We bought some that were touted to be “kid tablets.” They’re not. You can add tons of safety features, but they don’t come pre installed. Even with ALL of the parental features in place, Google Play can be quite the quagmire. The girls can’t download anything without my approval, and I got tired of reading through all the details of every app to see how safe it was and to make sure it wasn’t a multiplayer game.
Things also quickly escalated from tablet time being a privilege to feeling like a right. So, two weeks into having their new “kid tablets,” they are not allowed on anything that isn’t already installed, cannot ask for any new apps, and have to earn the privilege of tablet time. I find myself questioning if we should just return them, but first I think I’m going to pull the reigns in a bit tighter and try limiting them to the educational apps only. I’d like them to be able to access their school apps still.
Also, YouTube. It took me awhile to figure out what was making my kids so disrespectful and downright mean. Within days of Seth and I realizing it was YouTube and banning them from the app, our sweet, respectful girls returned. It was crazy the difference it made, especially because nothing they were watching seemed inappropriate. There just weren’t specific “morals to the story” or anything encouraging them to be smart or kind or loving. I didn’t realize that “neutral” shows could be so detrimental. I learned the hard way that there is no “neutral” when it comes to screen time. It’s either enriching in nature or it’s not.
And we haven’t even reached cell phone age yet. Well, several of their little friends already have phones (and it’s a disaster), but we’re not near dealing with them having their own yet. I will definitely need all the wisdom on how to best navigate that phase when we get there!
Mom of 5 year old
We noticed my daughter saying “horrible” and “boring” after watching Peppa Pig, so one day in a calm moment we had a short chat about choosing kind words and not just repeating everything we hear. We made it clear that if she used those two words inappropriately we would not allow her to watch PP. A few days later she said one of them, so we calmly told her she would not get to watch PP for one week. She was upset but not surprised. After a week we let her try again and she didn’t use those words for a long time.
We are in the thick of teaching her not to say “hate” right now and have no idea where it came from. The only shows she watches regularly are Bluey, Peppa Pig and T.O.T.S. and when she’s sick or on a long trip she likes watching Frozen (1 & 2), Encanto and Mary Poppins.
Oh and I try to intentionally keep a rotation going of the music we listen to, specifically in the car. Caspar Babypants, Seeds Family Worship, Classical Piano, Hide ‘Em in your Heart, Daddies Sing Lullabies, MP soundtrack, etc. Listening to songs that are straight from scripture have a powerful effect on everyone in the car!
So you can see a pattern here. Too much is bad. Even “good” shows might not be okay for YOUR child. Disrespect and wanting more are common by-products.
Let’s take some time to talk about the risks and drawbacks of media use by children & teens
This is form the Kidshealth.org website:
The Obesity Link
Kids who spend too much time using media are more likely to be overweight. Health experts have long linked too much screen time to excess weight. When they’re staring at screens, kids are inactive and tend to snack. They’re also see lots of ads that encourage them to eat unhealthy foods like potato chips and drink empty-calorie soft drinks that often become favorite snack foods.
Studies show that decreasing the amount of TV kids watched led to less weight gain and lower body mass index (BMI). Replacing video game time with outdoor game time is another good way to help kids maintain a healthy weight.
Watching Risky Behaviors
Characters on TV and in video games often show risky behaviors — like drinking alcohol, using drugs, and smoking cigarettes — as cool, fun, and exciting. When these things seem acceptable, kids and teens might be tempted to try them. That might lead to substance abuse problems. Media can also expose kids to high-risk sexual practices, and studies show that teens who watch lots of sexual content are more likely to start sexual activity at a young age.
Seeing Violence
The average American child will see 200,000 violent acts on TV by age 18. Many of these are done by the “good guys,” whom kids are taught to admire. In fact, often the hero wins by fighting with or killing the “bad guys.” This can confuse kids as they try to understand the difference between right and wrong.
Kids who view violence onscreen are more likely to show aggressive behavior, and to fear that the world is scary and that something bad will happen to them.
Young kids are easily frightened by violent images. Because they don’t yet understand what is real and what is make believe, simply telling them that violence isn’t real won’t help. Behavior problems, nightmares, and trouble sleeping may happen after kids watch violence on screen.
Older kids can be scared by violent images too. Talking with kids this age will help them, so it’s important to comfort them and explain what they see to help ease fears. But it’s even better to not let your kids view shows or play games that could scare them.
Sleep, Mental Health, and Other Problems
Kids who use media in their bedrooms often don’t get enough sleep at night. Media use also can expose kids to cyberbullying, which has been linked to depression and suicide.
And media use can distract kids from important tasks, interfere with homework time, and hurt school performance. It can limit quality family time and make kids feel lonely or isolated.
Too Many Commercials
Young kids don’t understand that commercials are for selling a product, and sometimes can’t tell the difference between the show and the ad. Even older kids may need to be reminded of the purpose of advertising. Video games are especially full of pop-up ads with pressure to buy.
Explain that ads are designed to make people want things they probably don’t need and believe the products will somehow make them happier. Teach kids to be smart consumers. Ask them questions like: “What do you like about that?” or “Do you think it’s really as good as it looks in that ad?”
Instagram Account jerricasannes (raisewildflowers.com) has good information (startling!) on this too:
Young children, but particularly infants and toddlers simply take in the effects of the show – lights, sounds, flashes, colors – rather than the content itself. Screen-time is essentially just a super intense sensory experience.
We know from studies of newborn rats that if you expose them to different levels of stimuli… the architecture of the brain looks very different… The newborn human brain develops rapidly during the first two to three years of life, and overstimulation can create habits of the mind that are ultimately deleterious. — Dr. Dimitri Christakis
Cocomelon
Cocomelon is so hyper-stimulating that it actually acts as a drug, a stimulant. The brain receives a hit of dopamine from screen time, and it seems that the stronger the “drug” (aka the level of stimulation a show delivers), the stronger the “hit.”
This leads to 1)young children experiencing very real symptoms of addiction and withdrawal, obviously leaving them completely dysregulated, and 2)a general discomfort in the speed of everyday life.
The more a child watches the show, the more their brain begins to crave and expect this intense level of stimulation, making it impossible for them to play creatively without entertainment.
Now, if you think this is somehow an extreme view, or if you think maybe it’s an accident by well-intentioned producers, stop and think:
Are the creators of this and other infant/toddler shows unaware of how much money they’re able to make by drugging your toddler enough to form an actual addiction – an addiction that will inevitably lead to millions and millions of views on YouTube and a seemingly permanent spot on the Netflix Top 10?
It’s all about money which explains why cocomelon was just sold in a 3 BILLION dollar deal.
Your child’s cognitive development in direct exchange for their wealth.
Cocomelon is essentially baby cocaine – an intense and dangerous stimulant, which will likely result in an entire generation of children with attention, behavior, and executive functioning disorders.
And what about Daniel Tiger?
She writes: Here’s the thing: Daniel Tiger is AWESOME for helping PARENTS understand how to hold space for our little ones’ big emotions, how to model emotional intelligence, and how to help our toddlers develop self-regulation tools.
But young children simply can’t think that big picture. Before age 12 and especially before age 7, children take things very much at face value. They learn about the world by observing, and then mimicking what they see.
When Daniel has an angry outburst and knocks down his friend’s blocks, we see: Daniel was mad but he sang a song, breathed, counted, and calmed down. Next time he’ll sing and breathe instead of knocking over his friend’s blocks.
Our children on the other hand see each of those actions as separate events, and the “lesson” is lost in the fascination of Daniel’s interesting behavior. So naturally, our children will experiment with whichever action was most memorable – most likely Daniel’s negative behavior.
The show is also carefully designed to have a hypnotic effect on our children. The bright colors, the twirling shapes, and the interactive component are both overstimulating and addictive.
If your toddler has trouble transitioning to a new activity, playing independently, or falling asleep, they’re likely overstimulated. You also might notice frequent meltdowns, laughing hysterically when nothing funny happened, running or moving their body uncontrollably even if you try to stop them, chewing on their fingers, and being unable to calm down and make eye contact.
I think we’ve begun brushing behavioral issues off as being the toddlerhood norm and then later over-diagnosing learning and behavioral disorders when in actuality… we’ve just accepted the habit of overstimulating our children as a societal norm–essentially drugging their developing brians and setting them up for failure.
In summary, she recommends (and so did Tiffany, my neuroscientist friend)
0-24 months: No screen time
2-4 years: NO more than one hour daily – less is better
Resources for smart media use:
Plugged In online by Focus on the Family. You can go to pluggedin.com to find reviews of the movies, TV, music, games, books, and even YouTube channels! They have tutorial videos on how to use parental controls on streaming services like Disney+, Netflix, and Hulu. They are really keeping up with the ever-changing world of technology. This was a go-to resource for me (Renee) when our kids were growing up.
Common Sense Media is another great resource. It has reviews on movies, TV shows, games, apps, books, podcasts, YouTube, and more.
@JerricaSannes (raisewildflowers.com) is a GREAT resource. Her website has a TV Detox program you can do. She encourages you to find your child’s no-screen BASELINE behavior–which many of us don’t know! She also gets very specific about popular children’s shows deemed “educational” (& therefore, presumably, “good for your kid”). You can find eye-opening stats about Daniel Tiger, Cocomelon, Ms. Rachel (on YouTube) & more.
Alternatives to Media:
We would be remiss if we didn’t mention alternatives to using mainstream media sources. Some of our mom contributors gave some good suggestions already:
Seeds Family Worship
RightNow Media app that has Christian worldview cartoons, shows, etc
Sing the Word Bible Memory Songs by the Harrow Family for those of you who like “old school” Christian music
Adventures in Odyssey audio drama – a Sproles family favorite!
A note about audio books:
- Audio books help develop your child’s imagination because your child must picture the scenes and characters described.
- They promote a better vocabulary and understanding of words, their meaning, and how they work.
- Audio books help children cope better with long journeys as they can be played in the car or even on trains and buses.
- Audio books help your child understand complex language.
- Children who listen to audio books learn to understand language above their reading level, and learn new words and advanced constructs.
- Hearing books read aloud teaches an appreciation of phrasing.
The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. Proverbs 14:1