Focus on the Family has a great article by Catherine Wilson, an associate editor at Focus on the Family Canada, about being intentional at the holidays. This is one of our primary mantras here at JAM: intentionality! And we loved every part of her advice.
So, we decided to do a two-part series on the holidays. This one will walk through that article and do what Renee is always suggesting: put everything on the table and then see what you can sliiiiide off.
In the second episode we will discuss lots of listener ideas for fun family traditions. Maybe between the two episodes you can lay down some things that aren’t working for you and pick up something that will SPARK JOY. 🙂
So, let’s get started!
Being intentional is often the first casualty of Christmas. So don’t be afraid of looking selfish – it’s not selfish to safeguard your time and energy so you can create the relaxed, Christ-centered Christmas you’ve always wanted for your family. Decide now to put reasonable limits on what you will and won’t do for Christmas.
- Make sure you sit down and actually ask your family which traditions are important to them. You may discover you’re wearing yourself out each year on activities your family has outgrown. Does your whole family have to choose the tree together, or is decorating it together the real priority – or neither? Does your family really want you to bake nine different kinds of cookies, or will they be happy with a few favorites? Do they care that you make your cookies from scratch, or are they just as happy decorating store-bought cookies?
- Can you create margin in your calendar by combining two traditions into one? For example, if you always get together with a certain family at Christmas, can you invite them along on your annual visit to Winter Wonderland? (You’ll also save the fuss of having to entertain in your home!)
- Can you postpone a tradition until the less-hectic days after Christmas? Save that special shopping trip with your girlfriends for the after-Christmas sales and buy for next Christmas, or for birthdays. Could your time-consuming Christmas Day dessert become your “two-days-past-Christmas dessert”? (Sell that idea by hinting there’ll be more to go around!)
- Can you start new traditions to replace complicated ones? When I replaced our usual Christmas Eve fare with a ridiculously simple Journey to Bethlehem meal (served as an eat-when-you-want buffet), my youngest son pronounced it one of my best Christmas ideas ever. Who’d have thought?
- Consider making “non-events” a Christmas tradition. As you add all the essential dress rehearsals, work parties and et cetera to your calendar, deliberately pencil in dates for a number of “immediate-family-only events.” When the time comes, your “event” may simply be unwinding with a Christmas movie and an early night to bed, but you’ll be glad you reserved that rejuvenating “just us” evening.
Re-thinking gifts for your immediate family
Creating a serene, holy, Christ-centered Christmas is a real accomplishment in our materialistic culture. The prospect of a windfall of gifts distracts kids, and it distracts parents too. Why do we shop as if Christmas is the only time of the year we can give gifts to our kids? Perhaps cutting back a little will restore some sanctity and sanity to your season:
- Many families use this rhyme as a guideline and give each of their children four gifts: Something they want, something they need, something to wear and something to read.
- Focus on the Family broadcast guest Karen Ehman, co-author of Everyday Confetti, recently shared her tradition of buying three gifts for each of her children: “Jesus got gold, frankincense and myrrh. So, now each year our kids get a gold gift, a frankincense gift and a myrrh gift. . . . Gold is something that was sought after and priceless and precious, so they get one thing they really, really want. Then frankincense was burnt and arose during prayer, so they get one gift that will bring them closer to Christ. Perhaps it’s a new Bible, maybe it’s tickets to their favorite Christian concert. And then on the third gift, the myrrh was a burial spice actually that covered a person from head to toe. So they get one thing to wear on their body.”1
- Kathi Lipp, author of Get Yourself Organized for Christmas, also limits her children’s gifts to three. On a November Focus on the Family broadcast she commented: “I want to buy something significant for my kids, instead of something that they’re going to use once and throw away. . . . We put it into three categories. We [buy] something fun for them. We do some clothes for them and then, we do something that is going to enhance them – maybe it’s spiritually or educationally – and so, maybe we’ll pay for a course that they want to do.”2
- Some families allow their children to write a gift wish list, but with the limitation that they can only write down three or four gift ideas. Having to think carefully about what they want most of all helps kids rein in some of the “Christmas gimmies.”
- Consider plumping up kids’ Christmas stockings with practical items like toothbrushes, combs, hair ties and fun shoelaces. Who says the whole stocking needs to be filled with unique (a.k.a. hard-to-find) gifts?
If all that gift wrapping leaves you unraveled:
- Surprise your kids with a special DVD to watch on Christmas Eve while you retreat to the bedroom to get an early start on wrapping gifts.
- Entice Grandma or Aunty to come and wrap gifts at your house while you’re out and about with the kids. Tape a named gift tag to each gift so your Christmas helper knows who each gift is for.
- Keep and re-use your gift tags each year. It will save you a little work, and the kids will consider the familiar tags another fun Christmas tradition.
- Don’t feel you need to wrap large gifts. There’s still huge excitement for kids in finding the gift beside the tree on Christmas morning. (Until then, perhaps hide it in the garage under a sheet, or have a neighbor store it for you.)
Re-thinking gifts for your extended family
If your family tree is showing some impressive growth, you’re likely not the only one in your family who’d love to prune back the long list of gifts to find for nieces, nephews and cousins. Perhaps this is the year to relieve everyone’s gift-buying burden by suggesting one of these alternatives:
- Agree to exchange a single gift per family, instead of buying individual gifts. Puzzles, movie passes, sports gear and board games make great gifts a whole family can enjoy. To ensure your gift will be a hit, search online for award-winning toys from associations like Parents’ Choice Awards and recognized board game critics.
- Create a secret Santa gift exchange and buy one fabulous gift for one special person.
- Exchange cookies instead of gifts. To reduce time and effort even further, exchange just key ingredients, along with the recipe, and let each recipient bake their cookies whenever they need something fresh on hand.
- Make it a mission-minded Christmas for your extended family and pool your group purchasing power to make a world of difference for someone in real need. Consider gifts to World Vision or Compassion International, or fill Operation Christmas Child shoeboxes for next Christmas.
Alternatively, you might choose to bless someone closer to home. Perhaps contribute to a missions trip for a family member, or if someone in your extended family has a severe permanent disability, contribute to a Registered Disability Savings Plan for them. It’s not only a practical act of love, it’s also money smart too, since contributions attract additional government funds.
Re-thinking decorating and entertaining
When it comes to decorating and entertaining, moms are easily tempted to overdo it. Be honest about who you’re really serving. Do your husband or kids care about the fancy, time-consuming ideas you saw on Pinterest? Not likely. Admit that you’re recreating them primarily to please yourself – a good reason to ensure you don’t shortchange your family as you go about it. Here are some shortcuts to help you deck the halls and fill the buffet table, and still retain some Christmas cheer:
- Put up your favorite, must-have Christmas decorations first. Decide to add the rest of your decorations only if you have time and energy. Pack your favorites away together for quick access next year.
- Remember that parties and family gatherings don’t have to be a sit-down meal. Try an after-dinner event and serve finger food, or host a dessert evening. Your friends and family may appreciate the chance to circulate a little more. If it lessens your burden, ask a guest to bring the centerpiece for the table or mantel instead of contributing to the food.
- Got a student in the family who doesn’t have a lot of money to spend on gifts? They may be thrilled to “gift” you a few hours of babysitting, house cleaning or hanging decorations before your big event.
- Decide now on a special dish you could bring to all the parties you’re invited to, then there’s no need to think of something different for each event. Just make sure you’ve got plenty of ingredients on hand.
- By mid-December it’s easy to become so busy preparing for what lies ahead, meals your family needs today get forgotten! Cook and freeze extra casseroles and stews now, so you’ll have quick and easy meals on hand for your most hectic days of the season.
However you decide to celebrate Christmas, just remember that you don’t have to recreate your mother’s Christmas, your mother-in-law’s Christmas, or your best friend’s Christmas. Create the kind of Christmas that’s right for your family in this season of your life!