When you’re a first-time mom, you have nothing to compare your child to. Unless you’ve had lots of exposure to other kids, you imagine what your child does or how she behaves is how most children behave. True, most children fall under the large swoop of the skill/behavior bell curve, meaning they tend to exhibit “average” intelligence, behavior, or skills.
That leaves the “ends” of the bell curve, where a good number of others exist. These children may have exceptional intelligence, well-developed skills in a given area like music, art, or verbal acuity. Still others may show atypical behaviors such as extreme sensitivity to sound or light, a dislike for being touched, or little perception of or interaction with others. These types of behaviors or skills are what we talk about in this episode.
Stephanie Wolfe, a special education teacher and mom of four children, joins us. She is currently at work on a PhD in literacy studies (the neuroscience behind reading). Of her four children, three have tested as “gifted” and a fourth is on the autism spectrum with additional associated behaviors.
When we talk about spectrums of behavior, there are many. All of us lie on some point of any given spectrum, but some of us may be at one extreme end or the other. The types of spectrum behaviors that most people are familiar with include anxiety, ADHD, OCD, dyslexia, autism, sensory disorders, or giftedness.
Giftedness
Ask any pediatrician and they’ll tell you most every parent believes their child is a brilliant wunderkind. In fact, there is a “legal definition” of giftedness, or criteria that must be met through testing that will enable a child to receive services from state school districts.
According to the National Association for Gifted Children, a child must exhibit specific traits and characteristics in order to be considered gifted. These include unusual alertness, rapid learning, intense feelings and reactions and deep or insightful thinking. Gifted children also tend to display extreme focus in one area and are often highly sensitive.
The Davidson Institute, a private foundation serving profoundly gifted children up to the age of 18, cites observed characteristics common to gifted kids and those with ASD (since many of the SAME behaviors overlap different spectrums), which include:
1. Verbal fluency or precocity
2. Excellent memories
3. Fascination with letters or numbers
4. Specialized areas of focus or interest
5. Hypersensitivity to sensory stimuli
6. Memorization of factual information at an early age
Once a child is tested by a psychologist–which parents or teachers may initiate–and found to be gifted, he/she is then eligible for accommodations in a school setting. Teachers and administration will then work with guidance counselors and parents to form an IEP (individual education plan) for each child. This team then meets annually, evaluating and changing the plan as necessary.
This plan can include such things as pulling a child out of a general class setting and allowing them to meet with other high-achieving students or tutors for a faster paced and more challenging curriculum. They may be able to take class tests earlier or move ahead in some subject areas, do independent or more in-depth studies, or practice activities (logic, puzzles, group projects) that are levels above most students at their grade level.
Gifted students may become bored in general class settings and start to have behavior issues as a result. Depending on the classroom/teacher, they may be enlisted to tutor their classmates or do “busy work” to keep them occupied. Neither of these options is a good long term solution for a gifted child. Around the third or fourth grade year, curriculum often becomes more challenging and social dynamics come into play. Children are more aware of themselves and others and, if they feel uncomfortable or singled out as “different”, they may “play dumb” or downplay their abilities or skills so as not to stand out or be “‘weird.”
Gifted children often need additional non-academic goals. They may need coaching in areas of social or personal skills, intrapersonal or relationship skills, or organization/time-management. They often have explosive feelings (due to frustration, high stress, anxiety, or laser focus).
Parents of gifted children may often feel inadequate or even outpaced by their own child’s abilities or intelligence. As with everything “on the spectrum,” earlier intervention is always better. Involvement with other parents of gifted children and the children themselves can often normalize a parent’s or child’s feelings and take some pressure off. By taking advantage of all opportunities and services available to them, children can reach their potential and parents can feel equipped/prepared to help them do so.
Dr. Julie Barrier, worship minister, concert artist and adjunct professor at Golden Gate Baptist Theological Seminary, raised two gifted daughters. One was a dynamo, high performer who thrived on accolades and one was a fireball type, and a rebel, who once pilfered a copy of her church school’s dress code regulations, found that it mentioned nothing about shoes, and began a bunny slipper revolution amongst her peers.
Her advice is similar to what a lot of good parenting looks like.
- Don’t ignore your kid’s needs. Intelligent children often appear self-sufficient, but they need love, acceptance, affirmation, approval and encouragement and TIME like any other child.
- Just because your children are smart, doesn’t mean they are WISE. Proverbs teaches that wisdom and fear of the Lord are essential to good parenting.
- Discipline must be firm and consistent. Don’t let your child manipulate you. They can and will “work the system” because genius can morph into mischief in a moment’s time.
- Make home a safe haven. Help them feel NORMAL. Some of their peers feel jealous and treat them unkindly. Some of their teachers are intimidated and treat them like aliens from another planet.
- Be an example. Show them how to love God deeply. They may know all the answers in Sunday School, but they learn loving Jesus from you.
DEVELOPMENTAL OR OTHER DELAYS/DISORDERS
When her older two children were 9 and 6, Stephanie and her husband adopted a son, who was two at the time. It became clear almost immediately that he had developmental issues they would need to address. He would not make eye contact or respond to gestures, and often registered their presence as “background noise,” rather than an opportunity for interaction. With her background in special education, they soon consulted a pediatrician, and their son was diagnosed with ASD (autistic spectrum disorder), with accompanying sensory perception disorders.
Armed with a diagnosis, they were able to intervene early with OT and speech therapy, which they took advantage of for nearly 40 hours/week at first. Later, Stephanie was trained in the techniques and was able to do many of the activities at home. Still, she had two older children to parent, both of whom needed their own attention, since she’d determined homeschooling met many of their gifted needs.
Often, the family was divided, as one parent remained at home to minimize sensory meltdowns for their son, while the other went with the older children to enrichment and other activities. Sitters were often out of the question. What young teenager could be trusted to handle the temperament of their son? They felt a lot of isolation.
Parents need to be able to allow themselves to feel grief over what their expectations may have been for their child. It’s common to feel grief and then guilt for the grief. Parents need care and respite, and they need to prioritize their marriage and other relationships as well, as best they can. Celebrating small victories and progress helps encourage the whole family. Remembering that God has gifted you this child and can shape you into someone who can faithfully steward this gift can be a powerful encouragement as well.
As with giftedness, if a child on the ASD spectrum has a tested diagnosis, it benefits the child and the parent as far as what services become available. Each state varies on what therapies insurances cover, but many of the accommodations in a school system are free. Children may be able to receive seating preference in a classroom, take breaks during the day to calm or destress, have information read to them so it can be received aurally rather than reading, testing accommodations, extra time for assignments or tests, etc…) and these accommodations can be available all the way through college level.
IS MY CHILD ON A SPECTRUM?
https://www.autismspeaks.org/screen-your-child
https://www.tn.gov/education/student-support/special-education/intellectually-gifted.html
Beyond the Diagnosis by Amy Mattson