This episode is a shorter conversation just to do a bit of a gut check.
Renee, you were just saying the other day that you’d been talking to a friend who’s about to move here from central America, and that you were giving a big head’s up about the pace of life here in the US. Explain.
It’s not just that we move so fast, but there seems to be so much TO DO and so much TO TAKE IN.
When our kids were little, we had a lot of free unstructured play built into our daily routines. Even once they reached school age, aside from a bit of homework after school, we had time outside and time to just hang out. Maybe they read a book, maybe they played with Polly Pockets or Batman…
It wasn’t until middle school and maybe even later middle school into high school that after school time started to get busy. They each had a “thing” they’d do & that would take up some of the afternoons.. but I never wanted life to be a hectic push from the time they woke up until their heads hit the pillow.
Summers…. Summers had a LOT of leisure built in.
Now, in addition to activities after school & summer (even for little preschoolers), our culture has added this fire hose of information we’re also supposed to digest. In 2023, one study reported that on a typical day, teens received about 240 phone app notifications, with a quarter of these messages arriving during school hours and another 5% at night.
What does this PACE do to us and our children?
It’s true that children (at least in the US) aren’t working in factories or in the fields as “little tractors” like they used to… We talk about how adolescence is extending and stretching longer than it once did… kids are less likely to drive or get jobs (reach for independence) than they used to, so does that mean they get all the childhood they need?
I was thinking about this the other day and Psalm 46:10 came to mind: “Be still and know that I am God”. Is there any time in our day when we are still? What does it mean to be still?
I had much less time to be still—or at least I thought I did—when my kids were small. BUT…there’s something about the natural pace of a small child….
It drives us crazy as adults when we’re trying to get out the door and suddenly they’re lost in imagination or enamored with a spider web. Let’s go! Hurry up! Get your jacket!
Parenting a child forces us to S-L-O-W our roll…. Their stride is shorter, they take more time to chew, they want to play until the bath water’s cold… The world is new and there’s so much to notice and discover! That’s one of the BEST things about being a parent…seeing the world all over again thru your child’s fresh eyes. Watching them discover.
The Hurried Child (first published in 1981)
What happens when we model our pace to our kids? Let’s just grab this meal to go. You guys can eat in the car and watch a video… parents get some quiet & kids get fed. Check and check. What are they learning is most important? (What we DO or who we ARE… What we ACCOMPLISH or HOW we made someone else feel?)
Meals—which once were a chance to connect and linger and check in, maybe discover some new tastes or laugh at something silly—are now a thing on the list to cross off on the path to bedtime. (i.e., more quiet for parents, which we don’t get enough of)
In so many ways, we’re telling our children hurry up. Grow up. Pick up the pace. That interest/focus/discovery you’re in the middle of isn’t as important as my next task or destination.
If we slow down or opt out we worry they’ll fall behind. I gotta ask, though: fall behind what? Behind who exactly?
Instead of respecting the natural pace of a child, we expect our children to match the grueling speed of the adult world.
Except grandparents… grandparents get it. They’re also slower and they have less on their to-do list because of their stage of life. They’re totally available for discovery.
What do our vacations look like? Fitting in all the rides at the theme park to get our money’s worth? Or long stretches of days at the beach? We had some of both… when trying to “check off” all 50 states, there were some places we knew we’d likely not come back to—so we wanted to be sure we “saw it all.” Other times, it was more stay in one place and soak it in. I can tell you which ones our kids liked better as a rule.
So … what does this topic stir up in you? We’re never trying to make moms feel even MORE mom guilt for yet another thing…. If this conversation struck you and you thought, “yeah, when I think about it, I DO find myself saying hurry up to my kids a lot and I DO feel impatient a lot of the time…” then don’t feel guilty about it. We’ve all done it.
Instead, maybe see what you can say YES to tomorrow. Can I say YES to one or two extra books at story time? What if we say YES to some downtime and don’t actually go to the class we signed up for? (see how your child reacts to that)
Say yes to a game after dinner instead of rushing to bath & bed routine. Make some soup together and have a conversation around the table.
What ways can you S-L-O-W down this week? We’re about to get into the holiday rush… how can you have a slow holiday?
Remember—God built in an entire day of creation dedicated to REST. He was clearly trying to make a point.