As with everything else in our culture these days, we seem to have this view that holidays need to be extraordinary. We have to go all the places, see all the displays, and deck all the halls. I think (hope) we’ve found that with the year we all had in 2020, we CAN have holidays without chaos, scheduling, and being so busy it’s all a blur.
So that’s our first point: SLOW DOWN.
Figure out what YOUR family priorities are and what would best help YOUR mental health and do that unapologetically. (boundaries!!) Holidays can be a stretch of serial family meals that test our nerves and best selves. (Jesus take the wheel). But do they HAVE to be?
Newlyweds need to iron this out before the holidays hit so they can set up family expectations. New parents need to do this, too.
EXAMPLES OF HOW WE DID THIS. BONNIE WITH PARENTS NEARBY AND RENEE WITH THEM HERE AND FAR AWAY.
Holidays aren’t kind to toddlers who need to nap or babies who get overstimulated.
Maybe have a quiet day at home the day OF and get with visiting relatives the day AFTER when it’s not so crazy. Or don’t go for the meal, but show up for dessert once the baby’s rested.
If you’re visiting relatives out of town, this choice-scheduling may not be possible, but you can take breaks. Read a book with your toddler in a quiet back bedroom. Go for a walk with your baby in the stroller outside to release some nervous energy. Opt out of the late-night movie or midnight mass. The point is to say YES to some choice together time so you & your kids don’t get pushed into meltdown overload.
MORE THAN ME, ME, ME:
Holidays can have a very inward focus as you see family you haven’t seen in a while or focus on the day’s specialness. Christmas (as we all know) can be the most commercialized game in town—starting before we even finish all the leftovers from Thanksgiving.
It can be all about gifts and PRESENTS!
Think about taking a breather to focus on someone else and teach your kids the rewards of giving.
If they’re too young to BUY gifts for others, they can make something—you can make cookies together to give out or set aside some time to do a craft for grandma & grandpa.
Even further outside the family: look for ways to help in your community: nursing homes, Journey Home (adults with disabilities), BoroDash, Cedar Grove (juvenile home), local toy drive, thanksgiving meal @ grocery store, Samaritan’s Purse, kids at school, Angel Tree. Filling up Jesus’ manger. Bowl of straw and add one piece to manger by doing something kind (secretly) for another family member.
BE CHOOSY ABOUT YOUR CALENDAR:
Do you have to go to EVERY school event, light show, Santa photo shoot, tree lighting, live nativity, chorale ensemble? …. Nope. You’re not a Grinch if you say no to some things.
ENLIST & DELEGATE
It falls to moms most of the time to “create the magic” of the holidays. I know I’ve started to feel the overwhelm creeping in sometimes before Halloween. That’s almost 2 straight months every year of extra stress and lists and juggling things.
Who asked you to do all that? Get real with your partner & your kids (older ones obv). What is it that would make the holidays special for you/us? What are some must-dos (a tree? Certain meal?). Their answers might surprise you. If nobody cares about the holiday cards, can you NOT do them? If hosting a cookie exchange or holiday party only stresses everyone out, don’t do it. (doesn’t matter what others’ expectations might be)
If the tree is important, then everyone’s in on it. You’re not the only one dragging out the ornaments and decorating it. If the tree is fine, then don’t ooze over into everything else…. No one cares if you buy the poinsettias, mull the cider, and hang wreaths in every window. What can you pare down.
Everyone can help COOK, EAT, and CLEANUP AFTER the big Thanksgiving & Christmas (holiday) meal. If it helps, make a jar with slips of paper with names on them & tasks for the day. This helps your kids/family realize that the “magic just doesn’t happen” while they watch Elf for the 10th time. Helps them appreciate the effort, teaches them cooking, for younger kids may help them eat what’s on the table.
Who sets the table? Who picks the playlist? Who serves dessert? Everyone can do SOMETHING.
Elf on the Shelf… Sure, The Elf on a Shelf may have seemed like a fun tradition when you first got it, but then you realized how much work it is. As a parent, you’ve already got plenty of other things to do around the holidays. See this article for 17 ways to get rid of it! 🙂
https://ravishly.com/17-fun-ways-get-rid-your-elf-shelf
THANK YOU NOTES
If you & spouse agree that gratitude is an important family value that you want to cultivate in your kids, then schedule an evening where you ALL sit down and make sure those are written. If there are some you need to send as a family, you and partner can take turns writing them so they all get done by everyone.
Proper thank you is specific. What it is, why you like it, what you’ll do with it, closing.
REMEMBER THE POINT OF THE DAY
Thanksgiving is a reminder for gratitude. Take a moment to actually BE grateful and voice that to your family.
Christmas is a celebration of Emmanuel. (Fisher Price nativity sets are great for this). If you’ve never done devotionals or short readings for Advent (the days leading up to Christmas), this is a good practice to start.
Hanukkah—this festival of lights does this well, in lighting a different candle each day of the season.
OUR OWN TRADITIONS:
Bonnie
- Mini muffins on Christmas morning. While we open stockings, I bake a tray of mini muffins. One of them has a tiny ornament baked into it. Whoever gets the muffin with the tiny ornament gets to open the first present under the tree.
- 12 Days of Christmas Tree…to spread out the overload from Christmas morning, we had a smaller tree with smaller numbered presents underneath. One child got odd numbers, and one got even. Starting on Dec 1 (odd), one present per day. The 23rd and 24th were always Christmas pjs they could wear Christmas eve.
- Under the tree, each person’s presents are wrapped with a distinct paper. No name tags. Discourages comparing/peeking/shaking, etc. When they get to the toe of their stocking on Christmas morning, there’s a small folded piece of their wrapping paper so they know which ones are theirs.
- Tablecloth—get (or make) a tablecloth that you reuse every year for thanksgiving or holiday meals. Have each guest sign it with the year next to their name. Makes for sweet memories as some people are no longer at the table or tiny handprints or childish prints change thru the years.
- Tablecloth—taking the “formal” pressure off by splattering wine.
Renee
- Advent calendar: little treats (alternating days) up to Christmas. Also used to do a chain-link construction paper chain to count down the days to Christmas. As they got older, I’d go to yard sales and find things I thought they’d like (books, clothes, toys) and wrap those for Advent presents. We’d read a book about the Advent season and anticipate the arrival of baby Jesus.
- We made paper cut-out snowflakes each year and hung them up the staircase.
- Christmas school. Spent the weeks of December doing special read-aloud books, crafts, service projects, cooking, homemade ornaments, and generally fun stuff.
- Christmas playlists. David had each of us make a top 20 list of our favorite Christmas songs and we play those throughout the season.
- Special small Christmas tree. For ornaments their grandparents gave them.