Welcome back to part 4 of our Grandparents series where we get real with some grandmas (and great grandmas) and talk about their lives, their approach to parenting and grandparenting, and just try to glean some wisdom from these amazing women who have lived some life!
On our previous episodes we’ve mentioned that more and more grandparents are providing care to their grandchildren. It is increasingly common for Grandparents to be the primary caregiver when both parents are working, as well as providing a much-needed respite so parents can take a night out together.
And Grandma and grandpa’s home is the perfect place to start showing children that they are loved, safe, and secure in other homes. Children need to see how other families work, how other relationships succeed, and how other homes can be safe and loving too.
Pat Thweatt, is my (Renee’s) mom’s little sister. She is also good friends with Pat Whitaker, who, after our interview with her recently, suggested we reach out to you about grandparenting and especially about being a grandparent for a child who is neurodivergent or autistic (let us know which terminology to use!). I’m so glad you said “yes”!
Tell us a little bit about yourself. (Husband, kids, grandkids, jobs, where you’ve lived, hobbies, anything you’d like to share)
What are your and your husband’s grandparent names? How did you get them?
What kind of relationship did you have with your own grandparent(s)? Did that affect how you approached grandparenting?
What are some of the most memorable times you had with your own grandmother or grandfather? (what years would this be—grandparents who would’ve been born in ______?) How do you think grandparenting – or parenting– for that matter has changed since you were a child and since you were a parent?
How did you and uncle Bruce react when your grandchild received a diagnosis?
What did you do to support your daughter and her child?
What helped you most here? Educating yourself? Taking cues from parents? Support from other grandparents/families?
How would you encourage other grandparents who have grandkids with various diagnoses, not just autism? For example, one article I read on Focus on the Family recommended these six things. Perhaps you could comment on them? (Feel free to come up with your own advice. These type of lists are for our benefit and research.)
Be accepting
How should Grandma and Grandpa respond, and how can they help their child and grandchild?
The first step is acceptance. Family members often experience grief and denial when a child is born with disabilities. You struggle with what might have been.
Be fearless
Even though special needs children are a blessing, their daily care is exhausting and, at times, overwhelming. Grandparents can play a part in easing that load.
Sometimes that means overcoming fears about unfamiliar things, like therapy, injections and feeding tubes.
Be ready
Sometimes welcome help arrives in the form of a grandparent taxi service. Taking a grandchild to therapy and appointments cemented strong bonds between grandparents and grandchild, helping them develop a close relationship. At the same time, this also can provide much-needed help to the parents, who may have several other children at home.
Be available
Grandparents can also be a blessing to the other children in the family. Having Grandma and Grandpa there to attend ball games, fix supper and lend a hand with homework helps smooth the difficult path faced by siblings of children with disabilities. Being available for them, too, can also help prevent resentment and jealousy.
The most important part: Love
Accepting, overcoming fear, being ready to help when needed and being there for the other siblings are important jobs for grandparents. The most important part, though, is love.
You love the child for who they are. They are a great joy to the whole family.
What are some of your favorite things to do with your own grandkids? Why?
Do you find your grandchildren appreciate stories you’re able to tell them about their mom or dad when they were little?
What sorts of things do you share with your grandchildren that their parents (perhaps) do not? (gardening, canning? Farming, a certain sport etc…?)
Is there something your grandchildren/great grandchildren know to count on/expect when they come to your house? (cookie jar always filled; a ride on the golf cart, a particular tradition? ….)
How have you handled the different methods of parenting that your own children may have chosen that might be different from the way you did it?
What have you learned as a grandparent that you wish you knew as a young mom? (That is, what would you tell your younger self from your vantage point as a grandmother or great-grandmother?)
What do you do to stay a part of your grandkids’ lives as they move into the pre-teen and teen years?
In our introductory episode we mentioned that the apostle Paul wrote to Timothy, “For I am mindful of the sincere faith within you, which first dwelt in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am sure that it is in you as well.” 2 Timothy 1:5
Paul is saying that faith made its home in Lois and Eunice’s lives. It took up residence. It made a bunch of memories, on good days and bad days. Faith was present. Faith in God has been there through it all, living life with them. Sometimes when we think of an “alive faith,” we think of “being on fire for God.” Like going out and being a missionary or preaching on the curb. Those things matter. Those things are good. But that’s not how the Bible defines a living faith. Living faith is one that goes through life every day and seeks to know God, love him, and follow the Holy Spirit wherever he leads. That’s an alive faith. That’s a faith that dwells in us every day.
What do you do to pass along a spiritual inheritance to your grandkids?
What would you say to someone about to be a grandparent for the first time? Any cautionary tales or particular advice?
SInce you also represent the generation above US, what wisdom would you impart on our generation & those younger than ours—about marriage or raising a family? How might you distill the most important things you wish you could impart?
“Grandparents can be very special resources. Just being close to them reassures a child, without words, about change and continuity, about what went before and what will come after.” –Mr. Rogers
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