The arrival of the first grandchild marks the beginning of a new generation and the continuation or branching of a family’s tree. We were sitting around the dinner table the other night remarking on the odds of the family name being carried forward. In our family, our son is the last with the ability to continue that name. In my dad’s family, there is one cousin who has that on his shoulders, and he & his wife just had a baby (a girl).
It’s a blessing to know our grandchildren. Psalm 128:6 “May you see your children’s children.”
In Genesis 18:17-19 the Lord explains why He has chosen Abraham, “that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice”. God knew Abraham would pass on what God taught him to future generations. And Moses commanded the people of Israel, before they entered the Promised Land: Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them. (Deut 4:9)
Proverbs 17:6 says, “Children’s children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children.” (Proverbs 17:6).
Show me the money!
In America, the average age of a first-time grandparent is age 50. Grandparents have on average four to five grandchildren and spend annually a collective $179 billion on their grandkids, according to new research from AARP. The average spent is $2,562 a year.
What’s in a Name?
Many young grandparents-to-be have a hard time seeing themselves as grandparents. Sometimes, this disconnect is due to media portrayals of grandparents as gray-haired and curmudgeonly or senile. Or, we recall our own grandparents as aged and infirm. Our reaction is more visceral than intellectual: “I’m too young to be a grandparent!”
One way that some grandparents cope is by choosing a modern grandparent name. Instead of Granny, some choose GaGa or G-Mom. Instead of Grandpa, some choose Chief or Popz. Sometimes, however, the edgy name doesn’t take, and young grandparents are stuck with stodgy monikers. Almost without exception, they learn to embrace whatever their grandchildren call them.
Time Keeps on Ticking…
A separate issue is that being a grandparent at an early age can put one out of step with peers. It can be hard to turn down going out with friends, even for the joys of babysitting a grandchild. And even the best of friends may tire of hearing about grandchildren when they don’t have any of their own.
Becoming a grandparent always requires adjustments, but they are easier adjustments than one might think. And the joy of meeting a grandchild tends to make all other emotions fade into the background.
Trends
According to The Economist, two big demographic trends are making nana and gramps more important. First, people are living longer. Global life expectancy has risen from 51 to 72 since 1960. Second, families are shrinking. Over the same period, the number of babies a woman can expect to have in her lifetime has fallen by half, from 5 to 2.4. That means the ratio of living grandparents to children is steadily rising.
Depending on the country & its fertility rate and life expectancy, the grandparent ratio differs. In China (where fertility rates were kept low), a single grandchild may have both parents & all 4 grandparents caring for him, while in Senegal, where large families are the norm, some grandmothers may count 30 or more grandchildren.
Depending on their age and ability, grandparents can be there to lend a hand in childcare, giving moms a break or allowing them to work outside the home and not rely on institutionalized daycare. (My husband’s grandfather was caring for a toddler while he was in his 80’s. You might question how agile or vigilant an elderly person may be in that situation!)
Being a younger grandparent, though, may change the stereotype of the retired and gray grandparents. Many grandparents are still working themselves when their first grandchild arrives. Some (depending on where they live) retire for the sole purpose of being actively involved with grandchildren.
Mine were in their 70’s and lived over 8 hrs away from us. We saw them once a year at most, and they’d all passed away by the time I was in my early 20’s. Only one was still around for my wedding.
Renee—one set of grandparents lived nearby and their interactions were weekly/daily. The other set?
Our own children…. My parents were over 10 years older than my husband’s parents. We could see the difference grandparent age made in what they could do and how able they were to visit or help with care/travel together, etc.
Time Together
42 percent of grandparents see their grandchildren weekly; 22 percent see them daily. 48 percent of grandparents say they wish they could spend more time with their grandchildren; 46 percent say they spend the perfect amount of time together; and 6 percent say they’d like to see the grandkids a little less often. (from a 2014 survey)
Many parents are happier entrusting their children to their grandma than to anyone else. (Grandpas do much less child care, though more than in the past.) Grandparents love the kids, do not need paying and are often available at short notice. In Mexico grandmothers help look after nearly 40% of children under six. During an average week in America, 50% of very young children and 35% of primary-schoolers see a grandparent.
Grandparents’ care is good for grandchildren, too. In parts of Africa the presence of a grandmother makes it more likely that a child will survive.
Grandparents Raising Grandchildren
a social trend in America: the high number of “grandfamilies” — grandparents raising grandchildren.
Grandfamily Resources
The website grandfamilies.org (of which Generations United is a partner) is a clearinghouse for information about adoption, foster care and financial help.
U.S. census data show that 7.1 million American grandparents are living with their grandchildren under 18. Some 2.3 million of those grandparents are responsible for their grandchildren—about a third of those kids are younger than 6.
About half of the grandparents who are responsible for their grandchildren are 60+.
Generations United, a Washington, D.C.-based nonprofit that was launched more than 35 years ago in partnership with AARP, advocates for grandfamilies. “Grandparents have been stepping in to raise grandchildren since the beginning of our country,” says Donna Butts, executive director of Generations United. “But it has increased in recent years. We see spikes whenever there is a crisis.”LinkedIn
Twin crises
Parental substance abuse, incarceration and death of a parent are among the many reasons grandparents take in their grandkids. But two crises in particular have forced a spike in recent years. COVID is one. “Tragically, at least 140,000 children — 140,000 children — were orphaned by the pandemic and are now living with grandparents or next of kin,” said Sen. Bob Casey (D-Pa.).
The other crisis is the opioid epidemic.
The number of Americans living in a multigenerational household with three or more generations has nearly quadrupled over the past decade, with a dramatic increase of 271 percent from 2011 to 2021. Generations United estimates 66.7 million adults ages 18+ in the U.S. are living in a multigenerational household; that’s more than 1 in 4 Americans.
Among those living in a multigenerational household, nearly 6 in 10 (57 percent) say they started or are continuing to live together because of the COVID-19 pandemic. About 7 in 10 of those currently living in multigenerational household plan to continue doing so long-term.
The new study finds 66 percent of those living in a multigenerational household say the economic climate was a factor in their living arrangement. The top reported causes for forming their multigenerational household are the need for eldercare (34 percent), childcare/child education needs (34 percent), job loss/change in job status or underemployment (30 percent), healthcare costs for one or more family members (25 percent), cultural and family expectations (23 percent) and education/retraining expenses (23 percent).
The overwhelming majority of Americans living in a multigenerational home (98 percent) say their household functions successfully, citing various factors that contribute to the success, many of which fall into three categories further delineated in the report: family relationships and interactions, home design and supports and services.
There’s a huge rise in certain types of construction that bears this out. We just added an ADU (accessory dwelling unit), & our contractor said that’s the number 1 project they work on now. It may be an apartment above a garage, or a converted outbuilding, but it’s essentially a smaller living space separate from the main house that could be used for adult children landing for some time, or a caregiving situation like elderly parents. More and more families are seeing the economic and social benefits of combining resources and the convenience of proximity.
Providing Emotional Support
One of the most critical roles grandparents can play in developing their grandchildren is emotional support. Grandparents can offer their grandchildren unconditional love and a sense of safety and security, helping them navigate life’s challenges and uncertainties. Whether it’s a listening ear, a hug, or simply spending time together, the emotional support that grandparents provide can make a significant difference in the lives of their grandchildren.
As children face life’s ups and downs, they often turn to their grandparents for comfort and guidance. Grandparents can provide a unique perspective on life and offer a wealth of experience and wisdom that can help their grandchildren navigate difficult situations. They can also serve as a sounding board for their grandchildren’s thoughts and feelings, offering a non-judgmental ear and practical advice. By providing this emotional support, grandparents can help their grandchildren develop a greater self-awareness and emotional intelligence, leading to better social and academic outcomes.
In addition to offering emotional support during challenging times, grandparents can play a critical role in helping their grandchildren develop emotional regulation skills. By modeling healthy emotional expression and providing guidance on coping with strong emotions, grandparents can help their grandchildren learn to manage their feelings healthily and constructively. Research has shown that children with close relationships with their grandparents tend to have better emotional regulation skills, which can lead to improved social and academic outcomes.
Furthermore, grandparents’ emotional support can significantly impact their grandchildren’s mental health. Studies have found that children who have a strong relationship with their grandparents are less likely to experience symptoms of depression and anxiety. Grandparents can help their grandchildren develop a sense of belonging and connectedness, providing a buffer against the harmful effects of stress and adversity. By nurturing these critical relationships, grandparents can help their grandchildren develop the resilience and coping skills they need to thrive.
What are some of the other emotional benefits of grandparents?
Helping out frazzled, tapped-out moms
Grandparents relate differently to grandchildren; generally they can freely give attention, time than parents
Origin stories
Gives children a familiarity/comfort with older people
For Grandparents themselves—what have you found, Renee, to be unexpected boons to grandparenting?
Keeping you flexible/mobile
Connection to younger generation
Giving kids different insights into their mom/dad
Academics
According to a study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, grandparent-grandchild relationships can positively impact grandchildren’s academic achievement. The study found that grandparent-grandchild closeness was positively associated with the grandchild’s educational attainment and academic achievement.
A survey conducted by AARP found that 42% of surveyed grandparents reported helping their grandchildren with homework or school projects at least once a week. Of those grandparents, 87% said their involvement helped their grandchildren improve in school.
Grandparents can have a significant impact on the academic success of their grandchildren. By providing a supportive and stimulating environment, offering guidance and knowledge, and fostering a love of learning, grandparents can help their grandchildren excel academically and achieve their full potential.
Spiritual Heritage
Sadly, many grandparents have bought into the modern‐day notion that they should spend their golden years in retirement, leisure, and self‐indulgence. They don’t have time for their grandchildren. Their teaching days are behind them.
Or they see themselves as a free babysitting service. “Our job is to spoil the grandkids. Then we send them back to their parents.” We show up at birthday parties, but that’s about it.
But grandparents on the sidelines are missing out on a great opportunity and God‐given responsibility to make a significant difference in the lives of their grandkids. Grandchildren will listen to their grandparents when they will not listen to anyone else.
What if we could mobilize the more than 30 million Christian grandparents (in the US alone!) to take their role as spiritual leaders in their families more seriously? What if those grandparents intentionally committed to teaching their grandchildren about the love of Christ? How many children do you think this would impact?
John Stonestreet notes that there have always been shifts that have created divides between generations. However, the current divide between boomers and millennials, between grandparents and their grandchildren, is uniquely vast and challenging, and best summed up in three categories: technology, sexuality, and Trump.
That last point does not so much refer to a rift over the person of Donald Trump, although that certainly exists. I use the name here to the overall political divide, one that frames nearly everything in our culture. The political divide between grandparents and grandchildren has increasingly, over the last several months, taken the form of discussions about race, COVID-19, jobs, and many other things.
One fundamental reality grandparents desperately need to understand is that the most significant shifts that have taken place in the world, the shifts that grandparents have lived through but grandchildren are just living in the wake of, are not merely moral shifts. We tend to think that the most important issues of our culture can be boiled down to this: ideas and actions that were once considered right are now considered wrong, and vice-versa.
But the reality is, all of the moral shifts we’ve experienced are the fruit, not the root. In other words, the moral shifts are the result of a much deeper shift in American culture, a shift of anthropology. The most significant changes in our culture are not about what we think is right and what we think is wrong, but about what we think it means to be human.
Too often, grandparents find themselves in conversations about issues they understand to be moral concerns with children and grandchildren, who are fundamentally seeing the very same issues in terms of identity. This is an example of what we will be looking at during the Grandparenting Summit.
If you’re a grandparent who believes that God has called you to not just move to Florida and send money, but to be intimately involved in passing on a multi-generational faith, the Legacy Coalition is something you’ll want to check out. Visit the website (legacycoalition.com) to find resources and even a conference near you. They also offer a weekly webinar on Monday evenings.
When Grandparents Aren’t On the Same Page As Parents
Someone told me the other day of a woman who’d married a man very different from her family of origin. When they had children, they were very uncomfortable with and didn’t permit the grandparents to speak about their faith to their children (grandchildren). It wasn’t long before contact was cut off completely, and for this one daughter, the grandparents have very little contact with her and even less with their 3 grandkids. That’s a really sad and more and more common scenario that (in most cases) in the long run will be to the detriment of all involved.
We often have young parents asking about the fallout from a weekend with the grandparents—too much sugar, no naps, total freedom, etc. and the parents usually have a couple of days of reprogramming when their kids get back to reality.
It’s ideal if grandparents can/will respect your wishes. But, as we’ve said, the grandparent relationship IS different and there can be some bending of the way things work at your own home. As we’ve seen from the data, as more and more grandparents are LIVING WITH or greatly responsible for their grandchildren, in that case there probably needs to be a firmer stance where you’re both pulling in the same direction; otherwise, kids quickly learn the run-around maneuvers (if mom says no, I’ll just ask grandma).
Timothy, Eunice, and Lois
“Paul came also to Derbe and to Lystra. And a disciple was there, named Timothy, the son of a Jewish woman who was a believer, but his father was a Greek,” Acts 16:1
“For I am mindful of the sincere faith within you, which first dwelt in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am sure that it is in you as well.” 2 Timothy 1:5
“You, however, continue in the things you have learned and become convinced of, knowing from whom you have learned them, and that from childhood you have known the sacred writings which are able to give you the wisdom that leads to salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.” 2 Timothy 3:14-15
We are not given many words about Eunice and Lois, but we learn much about them.
Sermon by Jonathan Romig noted…
Eunice is Timothy’s mother. She is a Jewish woman converted to being a Christian. She is married to a Greek who is not a Christian. Lois is Eunice’s mother, Timothy’s grandmother, who too would have been a Jew.
Paul, addressing Timothy, says, “I am reminded of your sincere faith.” But it didn’t come from Timothy; it came from Lois and Eunice. The Greek word for “sincere” means “un-disguised.” Think The Phantom of the Opera. It’s all about the music and the mask. Who is the phantom who plays such amazing music but wears a mask? What is he covering? Why hide? He hides his face because he hides his scars. Eventually, he reveals his true face. Why do we hide? Is it our brokenness? We don’t want our kids to see who we really are? They see it, whether we want them to or not.
Lois and Eunice got real with Timothy. They didn’t put on a show for him. They let Timothy see their genuine, messy, imperfect, real faith in God. They took off their masks. They let him see their scars—that they weren’t perfect, but Jesus loves them anyway. What I so appreciate about my mom’s faith, my mother-in-law’s faith, and my grandmother’s faith, is that each of their faith is genuine, and each of them was willing to be real with their kids.
A caught faith is not perfect faith. A caught faith is not an “I have it all together” faith. A caught faith is genuine, un-masked, un-hypocritical, willing to be real kind of faith. I see that in our church too. It makes me thankful for the moms and grandmothers in our lives.
“I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice…” The word for “lived” is better translated as “dwelt.”
What Paul is saying is that faith made its home in Lois and Eunice’s lives. It took up residence. It made a bunch of memories, on good days and bad days. Faith was present. Faith in God has been there through it all, living life with them. Sometimes when we think of an “alive faith,” we think of “being on fire for God.” Like going out and being a missionary or preaching on the curb. Those things matter. Those things are good. But that’s not how the Bible defines a living faith. Living faith is one that goes through life every day and seeks to know God, love him, and follow the Holy Spirit wherever he leads. That’s an alive faith. That’s a faith that dwells in us every day.