One of the most highly discussed – and debated – topics among parents today is screen time. How much is too much? And what impact will screens have on children’s development? Amid these growing questions, the World Health Organization issued guidelines last year on the amount of time young children should spend in front of screens.
The Pew Research Center noted that parents are apprehensive about the long-term effects of smartphones on children’s development: 71% believe the widespread use of smartphones by young children might potentially result in more harm than benefits.
Internet addiction. Phone addiction. Technology addiction. Whatever you call it, a lot of parents are expressing worries that their children are addicted to their devices.
What parents are alarmed about is usually two things: the sheer amount of time their kids spend on screens, and their kids’ resistance to cutting back on that screen time. Getting them to put away their devices and come to dinner, engage in other activities, go outside or do their homework (without also checking social media and streaming TV shows) seems to be an increasingly uphill battle.
Lots of kids use the word “addiction” to describe their own behavior, too. In a 2016 survey by Common Sense Media, half of teenagers said they “feel” they’re addicted to their mobile device. Three quarters of them said they felt compelled to immediately respond to texts, social media posts and other notifications.
Is the behavior that parents are concerned about really addiction?
In August 2016, Dr. Nicholas Kardaras wrote a book titled, Glow Kids: How Screen Addiction is Hijacking our Kids-And how to Break the Trance. He also wrote an editorial for The New York Post about “digital heroin,” where he compared the addictive potential of screens — video games, social media, smart phones — to that of a drug like heroin.
The article hit a nerve. Six million views later, the term “digital heroin” has entered the popular culture.
Today is the first installment of a _3?_-part series on screens and kids. We (Bonnie and Renee) had a different experience with screens than many of our listeners,
I (Renee) allowed a couple of 30-minute TV shows (1 morning and 1 afternoon) in the early years. We allowed a Game Boy in the elementary years (ask Houston the limits…) and got a Wii for family nights etc. Emma got a flip phone when she began babysitting at age 11. Smart phones in high school. H played Call of Duty w/ David. Emma was never as interested (we’ll get to that later).
Bonnie’s experience…Grew up watching saturday morning cartoons and some TV in the afternoons after school (Gilligans Island, Brady Bunch…typical 80’s fare. My mom (& a lot of my friends) also watched soaps (Guiding Light/Days of Our Lives), speaking of addiction. My own kids watched some morning TV as well–like you, a couple of a.m. 30-min things, maybe a video in the afternoons. We had a minivan with the pulldown screen for movies on long road trips. [There used to be an outcry about TV, too–that it was turning our brains to mush and limiting our time outside. I would argue that with TV there can at least be some element of “story,” BUT the content of shows when TV first came out vs. TODAY’s cable content is certainly giving us story, but it may be one that’s degrading our worldview.
Ben, too, played Call of Duty. He had a Game Boy. Before that, he was into “educational” computer games (on a CD). Savannah was not interested in video games. Occasional Wii–but not even that much. (For her, Middle school was when the first flip phones were coming out.)
Distracted Parents
From Pew: The conversation around screen time is not limited to children. Parents themselves grapple with their own device distractions. When asked if they spend too much, too little or not enough time on their phone, more than half of parents overall (56%) say they spend too much time on their smartphone, while about seven-in-ten (68%) say they are at least sometimes distracted by their phone when spending time with their children.
Phubbing–bids for attention. Too many of these go unnoticed and child learns to stop trying. Also–language development. Constant narration of day contributes to child’s word recognition, speech, and interactive behaviors. You’re not narrating anything when you’re scrolling.
Again, from Pew: YouTube has emerged as a key platform for both younger and older kids. Fully 89% of parents of a child age 5 to 11 say their child watches videos on YouTube, as do 81% of those who have a child age 3 to 4 and 57% of those who have child age 2 or younger. (Videos of people playing video games!!)
Educational Research & Screens
Lots of schools use screens (smart boards, iPads etc). But is this good?
Full disclosure: Bonnie’s kids (on purpose) went to a magnet school in our area that was specifically FOR “technology and communication.” Fundraisers every year for more/better tech in classrooms so they could practice broadcasting, presentations, etc.
Renee’s kids were homeschooled and had little exposure to technology in education until junior/high school. Lots of homeschoolers are “behind” in the technology world. Can they catch up?
P. 3 “There is not one credible research study that shows that a child exposed to more technology earlier in life has better educational outcomes than a tech-free kid; while there is some evidence that screen-exposed kids may have some increased pattern-recognition abilities, there just isn’t any research that shows that they become better students or better learners.”
What is happening when kids get exposed to screens?
P. 3 “Brain-imaging research is showing that glowing screens-like iPads-are as stimulating to the brain’s pleasure center and as able to increase levels of dopamine (the primary fell-good neurotransmitter) as much as sex does.”
Also correlated with psychiatric disorders like ADHD, addiction, anxiety, depression, increased aggression, and psychosis.
China has identified IAD (Internet Addiction Disorder) as its number-one health crisis.
Why are we putting screens in schools???
P. 11 “Today, 97% of all American children between the ages of 2 and 17 play video games.” (2008)
P. 23-24 ADHD and screens
P. 29-30 Screen time dulling our senses
P. 31 Steve Jobs quote on screens in classrooms
P. 33-34 “underprivileged kids” and tech (billed as their “right” to have)
Stripped of Wonder
P. 11-12 Science has stripped us of our myths. We search for meaning. Gaming gives that.
How can we reintroduce wonder to ourselves and our kids?
Alienated Kids vs. Cool Kids
Each have their drug of choice (p 14)
Are Screens Like Heroin?
P. 43 Distractibility and poor impulse control are hallmarks of addition
P. 48-ff Digital morphine and US military; SnowWorld and non-opioid pain mgmt
In May of 2017 Dr. Kardaras received a shocking e-mail that answered the question once and for all of whether or not screens can be as addicting as a drug.
The email was from Pamela Collins, the clinical director of the Air Force Family Program, and she was asking Dr. Kardaras to speak at the annual gathering of mental health providers who treat Air Force families. Why did they want a presentation on the clinical signs of screen addiction? She replied, “We have seen increased issues with gaming addictions in the [military] parents of young children and we have seen five cases where infants died as a result of physical abuse or neglect related to parents’ constant gaming.”
Apparently, gaming had become the new drug of choice for young soldiers.
The problem of gaming addiction was so significant that Collins told Dr. Kardaras the Department of Defense had created a new designation for the death certificates: death due to “electronic distractions,” where the fathers had been up for days gaming as their babies died of neglect.
The e-mail went on to elaborate on the problem: “We identified airmen with personal hygiene issues are a red flag for gaming addictions as they don’t take care of the house, themselves, the kids or even the pets when they are gaming. They don’t even stop to go to the bathroom, they drink power drinks then they urinate in the bottles and they are lined up under the TV they are gaming on.”
Going days without sleep. Not able to break long enough to go to the bathroom. Playing to the point where your neglected baby dies. If that’s not an addiction, I don’t know what is.
Extreme Cases of Gaming Addiction
But video-gaming parents whose babies died of neglect aren’t just limited to the military. Several such civilian stories made headlines: In 2005, Gregg J. Kleinmark of Fostoria, Ohio, left his 10-month-old fraternal twins, Drew and Bryn Kleinmark, unattended in a bathtub for 30 minutes in order to play on his Game Boy as the boys drowned; Mary Christina Cordell and her live-in-boyfriend in Springdale, Ark., were so obsessed with playing “EverQuest,” they left their 3-year-old daughter, Brianna, in an overheated car for several hours where she died in 2003.
Admittedly, these are all extreme cases — but they show just how powerful an addiction gaming can be. Indeed, the World Health Organization has finally come around and recently added “gaming disorder” as an official diagnosis.
Distracted By Screens
But beyond the infant fatalities of gaming addicted parents, many of us are guilty, to some degree, of what’s become known as “distracted parent syndrome” — parents who are so distracted by their electronics that they fail to give their children the attention that they so critically need: the father at the airport whose 3-year-old is pulling at his pant leg while he stares into his glowing palm; the mother pushing her stroller across the street with one hand while texting with the other; the couple binge-watching Netflix while their baby cries in the crib. The fact is that when we’re electronically distracted, we’re robbing our children of our undivided attention and the meaningful eye-to-eye contact that they so desperately need to be emotionally and psychologically healthy and well-adjusted.
According to research by Boston Medical Center, 73 percent of parents used a mobile device continuously while dining out; most of those families observed were found to be completely engrossed in their mobile devices, swiping, texting and ignoring their children altogether.
Ignoring kids can not only be emotionally and psychologically damaging but can also be physically dangerous. According to Dr. Ari Brown, a pediatrician and expert in “distracted parenting,” parents should limit screen time because the danger from distracted parenting is no different than that of distracted driving: “It only takes a minute with a caretaker’s eyes and attention elsewhere for a little kid to get into trouble — it’s a safety risk.”
And speaking of distracted driving, the CDC reports that nine people die and over a thousand are injured every day as a result of this phenomenon — which usually involves texting and very often involves child fatalities in the car.
It’s clear that bad things can happen both to us and to our children when our attention is hijacked by a screen device. Digital heroin can indeed be fatal. So kick the habit — at least around your kids. (Easy to say, but hard to do…have some physical boundaries in place that help you do this.)
Who is Prone to Addiction?
(this will be part of the series–can we inoculate our kids agst addictions in general)
P. 59-61 Stats on kids of addicts
Why? Genetics, trauma, abuse, Attachment Theory… “underlying storm of genetic, psychological, environmental, and neurobiological factors that make a person ripe for addiction.”
Why do we prefer opium to broccoli? Or Why do our brains prefer certain substances?
P. 60-63 Dopamine
P. 63-66 Myelination, or the brain’s white matter, that works like cable insulation, enveloping the trillions of stemlike parts of neurons called axons that connect neuron-to-neuron to form a single, functioning network.
As we grow and learn, our myelination increases in areas of the brain that need it. Appropriate stimulation makes “sled tracks in the snow” … so, for example, with language the neural pathways associated with language myelinate and become hardwired.
But just as understimulation is bad, so is overstimulation.
Middle of p 66 overstimulation effects…
P. 67 One week of video gaming and effects
I think we need to address how a parent might know when to introduce tech. There’s a couple of overarching beliefs that I hear (and have felt myself!):
- We live in a technology driven world so the earlier they learn their way around technology, the better. It’s like a second language–kids pick that up easier the earlier you introduce it.
We have our own children’s childhoods as an example that this is not necessarily true. They didn’t have FULL-ON 24/7 access to phones, etc. until age 12-13, and I’m here to tell you, they can run circles around me with technology. They “caught up” just fine. (In fact, I often remind them to not get so snooty about it–I actually had to teach them to use a SPOON once upon a time!) Rec is NO SCREENS until age 10. (for some kids, even later is preferable)
- If I don’t get my kid a smart phone, won’t they be left out?
Yes. If you delay smart phones & social media until their brains can handle it, they will 100% get left out.
(This is from Brooke Romney): They will be left out of dangerous TikTok trends.
Left out of instagram drama.
Left out of Snapchat nude pics.
Left out of comparison and body image traps.
Left out of knowing what every friend is doing without them.
Left out of mindless scrolling.
Left out of living online.
Left out of pornsites.
Left out of addictive gaming.
Left out of inappropriate conversations.
Left out of possible predators.
Left out of incessant bullying.
Left out of sleepless nights.
Left out of MA shows.
Left out of endless distractions.
& probably some friend groups & cool crowds & funny memes & middle school romances. It’s a bummer.
Holding off on a phone, social media or internet doesn’t take away all the junk. But it also doesn’t open the door and usher it in with a hearty welcome. There are far worse things than being left out. If more parents would choose this path, it would be a little less lonely (for kids and parents alike) & maybe even cool.
If you are already down this rabbit hole— & think uh-oh, how do we pull back now?
—be honest with your child. EXPECT PUSH BACK. Sometimes we make mistakes & we feel like we made one when we allowed you to ________________ (have a cell phone so early, not have controls, take phones into bedroom, etc.). We’re seeing we need to do better. It’s impossible for any of us to be completely controlled online—even adults can’t stop. Everything on your phone/game was MADE to be addictive, and I want you to be able to live without that burden… so we’re going to make some changes (plugging in at 9 each night, installing Bark, regular phone checks, no social media, whatever is appropriate).
Have some conversations about how you can make this bearable. Tell them you’re willing to put their well being before “what’s easy.” You’ll have to be accountable, too.
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