If you are a #girlmom, you’re likely familiar with the idea of “girl power” and all its manifestations in movies, music, and culture. On today’s podcast we want to take a look at CONFIDENCE, where it comes from, and how we can best give that to our daughters, from the perspective of a Christian worldview.
We have a guest with us today to help walk us through this conversation, and we’re excited to introduce Kelly McCasland.
Kelly: Registered dietitian, with an MS in exercise science. Worked in clinical dietetics for about 15 years. Also manages rental homes & is a substitute teacher. Married to Evan for 20 yrs and has two children (a boy and a girl) in their tweens.
Not long ago, you taught a series on this topic that seemed to spark a lot of dialogue.
Why did you come up with CONFIDENCE as your topic when you were asked to speak?
Where do you think we get our confidence and what might affect it? We hear a lot in parenting circles about kids’ self esteem & how we should protect & foster it. Is that the same thing?
2 Corinthians 3:4 Such confidence we have through Christ before God. 2 Corinthians 3:5 Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God.
Let’s talk about feminism for a minute. And—for the record—I’d like to outline in broad strokes what we mean when we say that word, because I know some listeners bristle at the term. I know a lot of young women—Gen Z’s—who couldn’t really give a straight definition of it or who might think it has nothing to do with them or their lives in 2024.
It has been hijacked by intersectional feminists. intersectional feminism is a brand of feminism that aims for inclusion of minority women, and the more minority groups you “intersect” with, the greater the possibility for you to experience injustice. This created the idea of microaggressions, or small-scale comments or jokes that are based in gender or racial inequality.a
Christina Hoff Sommers is one of the most sane voices in this space. Sommers is an equity feminist, a brand of feminism rooted in enlightenment ideals that aims for the moral, legal, and social equality of the sexes. Equity feminism is credited with inspiring the first wave of feminism that led to women’s suffrage.
Christina Hoff Sommers is a resident scholar at the American Enterprise Institute. She hosts the video blog The Factual Feminist and is the author of several books including “Who Stole Feminism?” and “The War against Boys.” Find her on Twitter: @Chsommers.
Within living memory, the American women’s movement was a valiant, broad-based vehicle for social equality. It achieved historic victories and was rightly admired for its determination and success. But today, Big Feminism is a narrow, take-no-prisoners special-interest group. It sees the world as a zero-sum struggle between Venus and Mars. But most women want equality — not war. Men aren’t their adversaries — they are their brothers, sons, husbands and friends. As Henry Kissinger reportedly said, “No one will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.”
In general, there are 4 broad “waves” of feminism historically. These have some overlap and subsets. It’s not that one wave simply ends and another begins—it’s a little more complicated than that, but broad brush:
- 1848-1920 Suffrage…Women wanted equality that meant they could vote, own property, be included equally in inheritances, have their own bank accounts, etc. I think all of us living in the US today could agree that this was a good thing! Notably: these “equal rights” did not always extend to women of color, so not all women were equal.
- 1963-1980s Betty Friedan’s book The Feminine Mystique was published in 1963. She was describing the 1950’s malaise that many women felt as they’d been essential in the war effort but were now back at home, with many new time-saving gadgets that gave them a lot of time on their hands. The prevailing belief was that women who were truly feminine should not want to work, get an education, or have political opinions. Women wanted equal pay; The Pill popularized in early 60’s; Roe v Wade case was 1973. “Mommy wars” became a part of culture.
- 1990s sexual harassment in the workplace, (Anita Hill hearings); More about expressing sexuality & individuality.
- Present: relatively difficult to define—(tagged Intersectional feminism by some) as some people argue it’s simply a continuation of the third wave—the emergence of the Internet has certainly led to a new brand of social media-fueled activism. #MeToo movement
- Intersectional feminism, pioneered by Patricia Hill Collins at the University of Maryland, College Park, arose out of concerns that traditional feminism held the experience of white women to be emblematic of all women, something Sommers conceded was a legitimate concern.
- “My problem with intersectionality is that it fights sexism, racism, classism by labeling everyone into gender, race, and class,” she said. “It reinforces what it is trying to eradicate.”
Sommers again:
Feminism needs to take women as they are, not as it wishes they would be. In a 2013 poll, Pew asked American mothers about their “ideal” working arrangement. Sixty-one percent said they would prefer to work part-time or not at all. Catherine Hakim, a sociologist at the London School of Economics, found similar preferences among Western European women. As journalist Tina Brown said, “There are more tired wives who want to be Melania sitting by the pool … than there are women who want to pursue a PhD in earnest self-improvement.” When women want the “wrong” things, feminists tend to write it off to entrenched sexism and internalized misogyny. But it’s 2016, not 1960. Why not credit women with free will and respect their choices?
Kelly, where do you see the role of “feminism” in the topic of “confidence”? What comes to mind when you talk about feminism?
Present day feminism, like a lot of things in American culture, beats the “identity” drum… I’m referring to divisive identity politics that tends to pit groups in an us-against-them stance. That’s one negative connotation …. Because
Megan Hill at The Gospel Coalition explains that identity (and therefore, confidence) comes from within you in a secular worldview and comes from outside of you (God) in a Christian worldview. This is a critical difference because in a secular worldview we have a ton of pressure to figure ourselves out with no frame of reference except what we are like, what we want, etc. In a Christian worldview our identity is primarily as an image bearer of God and our lives can now be lived in reference to a walk with him. Eyes on him. Interacting with the Holy Spirit he put inside us. In this way, our confidence and assurance can be solid, because God is unchanging.
Such is the spirit of our age: I tell my story because it proves something about me. It says who I am, what I’m capable of, and what I want to accomplish. I’m the meaning of my own story.
Feminism like [this] may come naturally to us as self-focused sinners… but only God’s good design for womanhood truly enables us to thrive and see ourselves as part of a bigger story.
[The assumptions of] feminism tell the story of an individual—who I am, what I’m capable of, and what I want to accomplish. In contrast, [a Christian worldview] presents womanhood as a story about God—who he is, who I am in relation to him, and what he is accomplishing in my life. As Courtney Reissig explains in her book The Accidental Feminist: Restoring Our Delight in God’s Good Design, “God cares about what story we tell with our lives. We are his image-bearers. Our very lives, for better or worse, tell a story of him.”
Talk about the source of identity, Kelly. (Christ vs. the every and quick-changing world).
One thing you did in your series was to take scenarios or topics and look at them thru a kind of “confidence lens,” so let’s do a little of that here.
What do you see when it comes to a lot of women & finances/money?
This may be a North/South thing?? Women playing the “damsel in distress” or the princess who needs rescuing. Let’s run through some of the lessons we were taught & how we learned to be proficient/confident.
- Education
- Budgeting–check out the book Give, Save, Spend
- Car maintenance/Driving
- Power tools/yard work
- (Things your dad told you before moving out): You can always call me for help…if you’ve been arrested or whatever! You need to be able to go from being nice to being a bitch in about 2 seconds (when it’s called for)
Confidence to do the right thing/stand up for others. Kelly, you have a sobering story about this.
Bonnie: Witnessing a girl in a locker room bullying a younger girl.
Switch gears a bit and talk about body image & relationship with food, from an RD perspective. How might we consciously or subconsciously transmit self consciousness or preoccupation with appearance to our daughters (and sons)?
@birds_bees account: Don’t talk to your child about their body except for function & boundaries. Don’t say anything if she’s lost weight. Don’t say anything if she’s gained weight. If you think your daughter’s body looks amazing, don’t say that. Don’t talk about YOUR body or YOUR diet. Don’t talk about how many carbs you’ve had or how you wish you could eat those French fries but can’t. (I wish I could eat dessert like you but it goes straight to my hips. Ugh, let’s take this photo again from a different angle.)
Don’t talk about OTHER WOMEN’S bodies, good or bad. Don’t say how amazing her legs are or how your stomach used to be flat before your had your kids. (Oh, she has zero wrinkles on her face.)
We as parents play a huge role in shaping the body image of our children. How many times have people said to you (or they will say!) how much your daughter looks like you? Then, when you trash talk or denigrate your appearance, what is the logical conclusion?
The opposite of poor body image might not be thinking you’re beautiful. It’s believing your presence is more valuable than your appearance.
They’re going to be influenced by peers and advertising and social media but you can be one voice of consistent reason.
So let’s talk about social media. Opinions?
@scrolling2death account: Talks about a recent CCDH study (Center for countering digital hate): TikTok—within 2.6 min of setting up a test account for a 13 yr old, self harm content was pushed into the feed; within 8 min, TikTok served eating disorder content.
Muddlingthroughagain.com …. suggests putting your social media use (who you’re following, what content you’re seeing, etc.) thru the lens of Phil 4:8. Whatever is true, noble, pure…. think on these things. If it doesn’t fit the criteria, it shouldn’t be in your feed.
What do you think about parents using Life 360?
Used for the wrong reasons it may communicate to your child “I don’t think you’re capable” or “I don’t trust you.” Neither of those is something you want your child to internalize.
How about confidence in relationships? Are we actually teaching our kids what’s reasonable to expect or not expect? Are we assuming they’ll get this stuff from osmosis from peers/movies/google?
Pressure to do things they’re uncomfortable with…what are some relationship red flags we should be pointing out? (For dating, if you’re going to let your kids do that and ultimately when looking for marriage material?)
Paul’s words to the Philippian church are for us today as well:
3 I thank my God every time I remember you. 4 In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy 5 because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, 6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.