The spectrum of girlhood is wide. Not every girl is born loving everything princess and pink. Our daughters have more opportunities afforded them today than ever before. Ballerina or soccer star? Astronaut or kindergarten teacher? Each of our daughters is unique, with her own gifts, talents, and temperament.
We spoke with Lori Shea and Amy Sain, long-time friends who’ve raised their three daughters each alongside one another. Lori is a speech therapist, and she observed that in general, girls are more verbal than boys and become so earlier. They tend to narrate their lives. Any mom with a toddler girl in the backseat of the car knows just how much chatter can go on back there!
Drew & Lori Shea with their 3 daughters 
Robert & Amy Sain with their 3 daughters
As our daughters reach the teen years, we need to purposefully keep those early lines of communication open. Find ways to relate to each child on her wavelength. For one of her daughters, that meant doing some sort of activity–taking a walk or making something in the kitchen. Lori admitted binge watching The Walking Dead with one of her daughters was what it took to give them a space to reconnect during some difficult years. Amy’s three daughters have always been open to talking, but not always on her timeline. In her case, she had to learn when to step away and give them space to be ready to talk.
If you get their feet moving or their hands moving, often their mouths will follow.
–Lori Shea
A critical aspect of raising girls is guiding them to cultivate good, solid friendships. In her home, Amy spent a lot of time talking about what godly character looks like and encouraging her girls to seek that out in someone they’d be spending a lot of time with. It’s common in middle and high school (and even earlier) for girls to form ever-shifting cliques and best friends, which inevitably means someone is excluded, disappointed, or hurt. We all talked at length with our daughters about what is ok and not ok. Basic “golden rule” behavior was required. All of us checked and monitored phone usage, which is where a lot of bullying and mean girl behavior takes place. We talked through what it means to BE a good friend to someone else and how important trust and friendship is. As adults, we all cherish our female friendships and can model good ones to our daughters, being honest with one another, supporting each other, and calling each other out in love if necessary.
Phones are a two-edged sword. They’re necessary for navigating homework and social aspects of school, but they’re the source of so much anxiety, stress, and negative emotions for girls (moreso than for boys). It’s up to us as adults to model appropriate TIME spent on technology, how to CURATE the input we “feed on,” and how to think critically about what we are seeing. How to discern between what’s REAL and what’s filtered or designed to present a particular image.
Image is another huge area when raising girls. As moms, we need to realize our OWN body image issues translate directly to our daughters. We need to practice speaking kindly to ourselves, letting people take our photos, and teaching our daughters to love how they are fearfully and wonderfully made. They face mixed messages of “how to be” on every front: have opinions, but “be nice;” don’t be too aggressive; be feminine but slay on the soccer field; look pretty and thin; be sexy but not to easy; filter, filter, filter. We have to work EXTRA HARD and almost daily to instill in our daughters what GOD thinks when HE thinks of them. How they are His masterpiece and loved already, no matter what. They are worth everything and no one is worth settling for or compromising your value for. They need a steady input of messages contrary to what they see on every magazine, instagram post, and in music lyrics. Fathers especially need to reinforce these messages!
When it comes to fathers, they need to date their daughters, showing them what it looks like to be treated well and cherished. They need to continue embracing their girls, even during the awkward adolescence. A word from dad (a girl’s main male role model) can mean the world. Modeling this in your marriage is also often overlooked as a powerful tool to demonstrate the value of women and how they should be treated.