Is joy the icing on the cake in life or is it the fuel on which it runs? Are some people just born happy? Is joy just random and fleeting?
Today we begin exploring the concept of JOY. This series of podcasts is taken from a little book by Dr Marcus Warner and Chris Coursey: The 4 Habits of Joy-Filled People: 15 Minute Brain Science Hacks to a More Connected and Satisfying Life.
If you like what you hear, we strongly recommend that you buy their book and begin practicing their simple exercises.
But first, let’s explore the idea of joy.
So, Bonnie, when I say the word “joy” what do you think of?
John 15:11
“These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.”
In John 15, we’re in the midst of some of Jesus’ final teachings to His disciples.
In just a few short chapters, we move from this moment on to the crucifixion. And thats part of what makes this particular passage such a powerful teaching on the subject of Joy. And really, in the surrounding context, joy isn’t even the main idea.
By this point, Jesus has already told his disciples that one would betray Him. He’s already foretold of Peter’s denial. By this point, the disciples had already been told of Jesus’ impending death.
Yet, in the midst of that, He delivers one of the most poignant teachings on joy which can effectively be summarized: if you will live according to my words and my commands, if you will walk with me – abide in me, stay attached to me, you will be filled with joy.
It’s truly that simple.
Philippians 4:4
“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice.”
Paul likely wrote Philippians during his first imprisonment. Though the book is shorter, and lacking in some of the lengthy examinations of theology that we get from books such as Romans, it was generally an encouragement to the church of Philippi.
What may be most notable about this letter of Paul’s, however, is the joyful undertone throughout.
Despite the fact that he wrote this letter from prison, he writes of his joy at least 11 times throughout the four short chapters. So, it can supercede our circumstances or maybe a better way to put it is that we can experience it in “easy” or “difficult” circumstances.
The Psalmist connects joy to a love relationship with God.
Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love,
that we may rejoice and be glad all our days. (Psalm 90:14)
Nehemiah 8:10
“Do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”
This section of scripture in particular comes as Ezra is reading the Book of the Law to the people (a practice which was to be carried out every seven years during The Feast of Booths, but had been neglected).
The people, having just heard the books of the Law, and being confronted with their egregious neglect and violation of it, were moved to sorrow. But the people were comforted by Ezra, Nehemiah, and the Levites as they explained that “the joy of the Lord is your strength.”
Basically, the same God who punishes sin also blesses and delights in obedience. So the same knowledge of the Law was the same knowledge that would set them free to walk in obedience, and delight in doing the will of God.
So when you are weak, the joy that comes from the Lord can be your strength.
—-
Our Inner World
We all have an inner world. it is a world of thoughts, emotions, and impulses that others don’t see. We can smile at people around us while we are dying inside. we can put on a good front even when inwardly we feel like we are falling apart. In order to grow our capacity for joy we have to bring some structure to that inner world. we have to tear down the House of Fear in which most of it, and begin building a house of joy.
Joy is the key to emotional resilience; it’s like the air in the ball that lets it bounce. Let’s face it. no one goes to counseling because they have too much joy and need to get rid of some of it. We don’t stand around the water cooler at the office and complain to our coworkers about all the joy we had over the weekend or whine about how Joy is ruining our lives. When we start our day with joy, it’s easier to face the challenges we will meet throughout the day.
Foundation
so how do we build a joy house in our inner world? first, we need a foundation when it comes to Joy that Foundation is laid by two essential habits – calming and appreciation. it has been said that the ability to share high-energy States like joy, then quiet and calm from upsetting emotions, is the number one predictor of emotional stability throughout life. nothing grows Joy faster than learning to experience the feeling of appreciation several times a day. routinely quieting ourselves and entering into feelings of appreciation just a few times each day lays a foundation for a life of joy as it trains our brains that joy and peace are normal experiences.
Framework
Once the foundation of calming and appreciation has been laid, our house needs to be framed. this framework helps us return to joy and peace from a variety of troubling emotions. to construct this part of our joy house, one of the most important habits we can form is that a storytelling.
Storytelling is specifically referring to sharing brain friendly Joy stories. these are practical Tales of times we faced upsetting emotions without getting overwhelmed, or times we got overwhelmed initially but were able to recover. collecting such stories constructs a framework for resilience in our brains. Joy stories anchor our brains in the understanding that no matter what emotion I may be feeling right now, it is not the end of the world. there is a path back to Joy from there.
Outfitting the House
Then it is time to finish the structure and complete the joy house. we do this by learning to attack the toxic thinking that so often Keeps Us locking negative, self-defeating emotions and behaviors many of us are imprisoned by unhelpful narratives about how unlovable we are, or what failures we are, or how the world is out to get us. as these narratives take root toxic thinking becomes a habit of its own and we need a game plan for winning the battle for our minds. learning to distinguish what is truly satisfying from what is temporarily pleasurable is essential to building a life worth living.
To help you remember the four habits you’ll need to build your joy house, the authors use the acronym CASA, which means “house” in Spanish.
C – Calming
A – Appreciating
S – Storytelling
A – Attacking Toxic Thoughts
We’ll unpack each of these steps in future episodes and give you examples of habits the authors recommend, but let’s look at some wrong ideas, or myths, about joy.
Some Joy Myths (p23-28)
- Joy is a choice.
- Some people are just born joyful.
- Joy-filled people have fewer problems than low-joy people.
In Western cultures we tend to see joy as a choice. but joy happens predominantly in the relational right hemisphere of the brain, while choices and cognition happen in the left. This is significant, because the data flow in the brain moves from right to left, not the other way around. Right brain activity informs left brain activity, not the reverse. Joy is primarily a relational experience that is more like a reflex anchored in the relational part of our brain. so our choices can help us move toward Joy. we can choose to visit a friend who lights up to see us. we can choose to dwell on memories of relational joy. We can choose to spend time quieting and appreciating the good things in life. At the time of birth the part of the brain that grows with the experience of joy is barely developed. how well it develops and grows is largely influenced by relational activity. These essential skills can be developed before we are even old enough to speak. and we can develop them all throughout our lives no matter our childhood experiences.
From a neuroscience perspective, Joy is always relational. When my right brain interacts with your right brain and we are happy to see each other, usually through eye contact, the result is joy. there is a bonding or attachment element to the experience of joy that cannot be reproduced simply by medication, herbs, or drugs. chemicals like dopamine and endorphins are involved in the experience of shared Joy but there’s more to it than this.
Most of the problems we have in understanding joy come when we miss the important role relationships play in creating it. Not all pleasure is relational, but all joy is relational.
Whether we feel that Joy by remembering the past, anticipating the future, or experiencing the present, there is a relational component to Joy and it is that relational component that separates mere pleasure from real Joy.
Your joy Center is located behind your right eye. Its technical name is the right orbital prefrontal cortex. This part of your brain is largely undeveloped at birth, but it grows to become the captain of the emotional Command Center in the brain. this part of the brain remembers who we are, who are people are, how it is like us to act, and contains all sort of information we need in order to bring the best version of ourselves into any situation we face we called the right orbital prefrontal cortex The Joy Center partly because it is easier to say but also because it grows with the experience of relational Joy. The area of the brain that houses a well-developed joy Center can expand to fill up nearly 1/3 of the brain. On the other hand, a poorly developed Joy Center can remain quite small and make it very difficult to live with joy, remain relational under stress, or act like ourselves when we get upset.
The second area of brain development we need to experience if we were to become joy-filled people is the creation and strengthening of Joy pathways. A joy pathway is a neurological path that helps us navigate from upsetting emotions in the back of our brain to the Joy Center in the front of our brain.
As infants, we are not born with joy Pathways in our brains. Because of this, we have no ability to act like ourselves when we get upset. One of the primary tasks of a parent when it comes to their child’s emotional development is to recognize when they are experiencing an upsetting emotion and help them quiet from that emotion and return to joy. the more this happens, the more emotionally stable children become.
Infants and small children have to learn how to act like themselves despite the way they feel. This is not something that happens overnight; it can also not happen without a lot of help. such skills can only be developed relationally. we need to see others do it. we need them to help us do it. and we need it to happen with every difficult emotion we face– repeatedly.
As more mature people help babies and toddlers recover from their big emotions, a neurological pathway begins to develop in their brains. as this neural pathway develops it becomes stronger and more stable. as it gets stronger it eventually wraps itself in white matter, which is the sign that a habit has formed.
White matter allows signals to be passed through the brain as Superfast speeds most of the brain is composed of gray matter, which is not slow. it processes data at rates of about six cycles per second. but white matter can process data up to 200 cycles per second. The result is that white matter allows us to develop instinctive reactions that are much faster than conscious thought. Once white matter develops around the pathways of the brain that allow us to return to joy, even young children can begin to remain relational, maintain a stable identity, and quiet themselves relatively quickly without even thinking about it. it can happen so fast that it seems to happen automatically. this is a sign that a well-formed joy pathway has been developed and has been wrapped in white matter.
Most people have both underdeveloped Joy centers and underdeveloped joy paths. As a result, I can find myself at age 60 still unable to cope with certain emotions because my brain never developed the neural Pathways needed to recover from them. Instead I get stuck in my upsetting emotions and live out of the fear centers in the back of my brain rather than living from the command center of joy in the front of the brain. all sorts of disorders, dysfunctions, addictions, and emotional problems arise from underdeveloped Joy Pathways in the brain.
To be clear– having a well-developed joy pathway doesn’t mean you quickly stop feeling unpleasant emotions like fear, grief, anger, or Despair and suddenly feel happiness instead. it means that these emotions don’t trap you in the back of your brain without access to the command center. Well developed Joy Pathways enable us to maintain a stable identity regardless of how we feel. without this I turn into a different person with every emotion I feel. That is how infants act.
If people walk around us on eggshells because they never know when we are going to remain relational and act like ourselves and when we are going to turn into someone else by blowing up, melting down, or shutting down, it means we have never developed a strong pathway from those emotions back to the command center of the brain that remembers who we are and how it is like us.
To say it again: my ability to recover from difficult emotions and still keep the command center in charge is what marks me as a mature person. the more easily overwhelmed I am emotionally the less mature I will be. Many of us may not have thought about our emotional challenges as Joy gaps, but joy– and the confidence that there is joy to come– play a tremendous role in giving us the capacity to deal with the hardships of life. What neuroscience has been teaching us is that creating Joy is a more predictable event than we may have thought. Instead of waiting and hoping that we will get zapped with joy from out of the blue, there are concrete habits we can develop that make Joy a much more predictable part of life; those habits are what the authors call building a joy house.