We always tell parents you’re the expert on your children. It’s up to us as parents to figure out what makes our kids tick, their likes and dislikes, their strengths and areas where they’re weak. We’re not meant to make our children over into little US’s… Our job is to help them develop into who they were created to be.
We’ve done some episodes on temperament, which we break down by color so they’re easier to remember—blue, green, gold, and orange. Temperament is a very helpful way to know how your child might operate and perceive things, how best to motivate him or encourage her.
We’ve also done an episode with our guest Nora Martin, who walked us through emotional intelligence and why and how that’s important in our kids’ development.
TODAY we’re talking about another area where we need to get to know our kids and where we can help our kids get to know themselves, and that’s SPIRITUAL GIFTS.
This is assuming that you have a worldview that includes body, mind, and spirit, as we do.
What are Spiritual Gifts?
Every believer has at least one spiritual gift. While none of us has all the gifts, some believers may have more than one.
“We have different gifts, according to the grace given us… let [us] use [them] in proportion to [our] faith,” Romans 12:6. We can find spiritual gifts in three separate passages of scripture (Romans 12; 1 Corinthians 12-14; and Ephesians 4).
The Holy Spirit distributes these gifts as He sees fit, for His purpose. Each of us receives the exact gift(s) God wants us to have. They aren’t a result of a person’s maturity level, or because we requested a specific gift through prayer, or because of a person’s extensive education.
John Piper, the chancellor of Bethlehem College & Seminary in Minneapolis, Minnesota, who pastored Bethlehem Baptist Church for 33 years, said it’s essential for Christians to understand that “spiritual gifts” are “simply the outworking of our experience of the grace of God expressed through our personality.”
I agree with the words Martyn Lloyd-Jones preached in 1965:
“It is perfectly clear that in New Testament times, the gospel was authenticated in this way by signs, wonders, and miracles of various characters and descriptions . . . . Was it only meant to be true of the early church? . . . The Scriptures never anywhere say that these things were only temporary — never! There is no such statement anywhere.” (The Sovereign Spirit, pp. 31-32)
. . . I want to argue in this section that the New Testament teaches that spiritual gifts (including the more obviously supernatural or revelatory ones like prophecy and tongues) will continue until Jesus comes. The use of such gifts (miracles, faith, healings, prophecy, etc.) give rise to what may sometimes be called “signs and wonders.” Therefore, signs and wonders are part of the blessing we should pray for today.”
Let’s brush through some of the gifts found in these passages along with some hints or clues on how they might start to show up in a child. The older your child, the clearer things are going to be.
It’s okay to desire them!
Earnestly desiring the spiritual gifts looks like desiring them.
John Piper again: For the most part, the Bible is not a how-to manual. It holds out treasure to us and bids us to seek it out (Proverbs 2:4–5). Desire is the test, for desire fuels the quest. That is a key to understanding much in the Bible.
What do you do when you really want something? You don’t wait around for someone to deliver it nicely packaged, fully assembled, and ready-to-use. You go looking for it. You start asking questions of knowledgeable people. You read and watch and listen to a lot of information. You ask, seek, and knock (Matthew 7:7). If you really, really want it, you consider it worth the hard work of figuring things out and working till you get it.
That’s what earnestly desiring spiritual gifts looks like. But here are a few things for starters:
- Begin with the Bible. Soak in 1 Corinthians 12–14, Romans 12, and Ephesians 4. Read the book of Acts over and over until it ruins you for your worldly comfort and pursuits and fuels your desire to experience the reality of the kingdom you read there.
- Pray. If you’re ruined for anything less than knowing the fullness of the Spirit and seeing the kingdom of God advance, your discontent and desperation will drive you to pray the kind of prayers the Lord loves to answer.
- Consume Sound Teaching and Testimonies. These will fuel your desire as well as increase your knowledge. To find more helpful resources, type “Spiritual Gifts” into our search box. And read and listen to men like Sam Storms, Wayne Grudem, D.A. Carson, Tope Koleoso, and Terry Virgo who skillfully handle the Word and are personally experienced in the spiritual gifts.
- Meet a Need. The spiritual gifts are not fireworks for our oohs and aahs. They are mainly given as means to extend love and the grace of God to others. Taking steps for the sake of Christ to love others whose needs extend beyond our capacities puts us (and them) squarely in the path of God’s grace. When we’ve asked God to help us walk on water, we must then get out of the boat. https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/why-we-must-earnestly-desire-spiritual-gifts
Looking at the Spiritual Gifts
Wisdom
- Special insight into practical problems
- Peacemaker in a conflict situation (perhaps with siblings)
- Concrete in applying Bible verses to everyday life
- Excellent “common sense”
Knowledge
- May be studious and love learning new things about faith
- Wants to know what every Bible verse says about a question
- May “know” things about God that you haven’t taught them yet
Faith
- Easy, breezy when it comes to trusting God
- Not much of a questioner; accepts what he/she is told about God
- Not thrown by difficult circumstances
- Prays naturally and without worry
Healing/Miracles/Tongues/Interpretation of Tongues
if your kid has these gifts, it is probably going to be pretty obvious!
Prophecy
- Truth teller
- Rarely, if ever, lies
- May sometimes come across as harsh in speaking truth
- Hits the nail on the head
- Is often convicting, even to Mom and Dad
Apostleship
- Full of new ideas
- Loves to start something new
- Creative
- Interested in other cultures and peoples
- Interested in doing something to share Jesus with others
Teaching
- Loves to help younger siblings and teach them
- Patient
- Able to use multiple methods and words to get an idea across
- Conscious of whom he/she is talking to and able to tailor the message to them
Helps/Service
- Happy in the background
- Loves to help with practical tasks (loading the dishwasher, dusting, sweeping, setting the table)
- Is always following you around and wanting to work together with you
- Asks for jobs to help with
Administration/Leadership
(two separate gifts that often—but not always—come together)
- Always organizing friends (“you do this, you do that”)
- The kid who comes up with the ideas that everyone else wants to do
- Uncomfortable following others
- Likes a clean, organized room
- Inspiring
Encouragement/Exhortation
- Frequently reminds others “you can do it!”
- Sees the good in others, even when some people don’t
Giving
- Willing (or even offer) to give away their toys
- Love to always have something to give in the offering plate
- At Christmastime, suggests that you give gifts to the needy instead of to them
Mercy
- Might cry at the thought of children going hungry or suffering
- “First on the scene” when a friend or sibling falls or is hurt
- Big hugger and kisser
- Careful to speak kind words
- Tender and loving with animals or small children
Evangelism
- Invites friends to church
- Shares with friends about Jesus
- Even talks to grown-ups about Jesus
- Writes evangelistic letters to friends or family members who may not know Jesus yet
Shepherding
- Nurtures friendships
- Helps people join together and belong
- Caring
- Good listener
- Gentle
- Concerned for others
- Notices the person who doesn’t have friends and reaches out to them
- Gathers a troupe of littler kids around him/her
It’s up to each of us to discover, develop and exercise our gift. As a parent, you can aid your child in this discovery, development, and exercise process.
This link will take you to a self-scoring Spiritual Gifts Test and Inventory.
By the way, if you haven’t yet clarified your spiritual gift as a parent, take this time to learn together as you take the spiritual gifts test. It’s a great way to spiritually mentor your child no matter their age.
Discover by Doing
Your child’s spiritual gift may be obvious early on. Or, you/they may not recognize it until their teen years or even later. Don’t let your child become discouraged if their gift isn’t obvious right away.
In addition to doing a simple spiritual gift quiz, you’ll probably recognize your child’s gift as they experience it. Encourage your child to get involved in a variety of different church and community activities—more than sports or music. Then support their involvement. When you see your child excel in something point it out. Give attention to their opportunities for service, and to their interests, passions, and abilities.
Have periodic conversations: what do you enjoy doing well that someone might need? What do others thank you for?
Don’t Waste Your Gift(s)
https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/how-to-squander-your-spiritual-gifts
(From article by Marshall Segal in desiringGod.org)
Unlike our unique talents or other gifts (e.g., being a math whiz or great at piano), we shouldn’t think our spiritual gifts are ABOUT us or FOR us. They’re not about getting into a great college or a sense of achievement—they’re for blessing and supporting others (the church in particular). These particular gifts are because the church needs THAT in some way. God doesn’t want these gifts to die on the vines of self.
Help your child appreciate their gift without being prideful of it. Do they think the needs they might meet are beneath them? Are they “too gifted” for ordinary, thankless tasks?
Rom 12:3–…don’t think of yourself more highly than you ought to, but think with sober judgement, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.
Teach your child to balance & prioritize areas of their life. (This, of course, requires that you know how to do this for yourself!) Don’t spend the best parts of you at school or work rather than church or home. Don’t elevate sports/hobbies above another area. Find comfort/rest in community/God rather than scrolling everyone’s leftovers or zoning out.
Teach them to overcome passivity/laziness. For example: Good intentions or good ideas that never get executed. Knowing someone needed a call but we assume someone else would reach out.
Love is the aim of spiritual gifts. They are given to the church to help us love one another. In 1 Corinthians 12, Paul explains that each Christian is a unique member of Christ’s body and therefore each has a unique function and receives unique gifts that benefits the “common good” of the body (1 Corinthians 12:7, 12, 29–30).