“It always seems impossible until it is done.”
– Nelson Mandela
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts.”
– Winston Churchill
“A bend in the road is not the end of the road… unless you fail to make the turn.”
– Helen Keller
Each of these famous people are talking about aspects of PERSEVERANCE. And that’s what we want to talk about today. This is another episode in our Cultivate series.We are always saying that it’s so much better to elevate what you are looking for in your children (the virtues!) rather than squashing what you don’t want (the vices!). So we’ve been talking about how you can cultivate character in your kids through the years.
Some things are achieved in a short space of time; Nehemiah famously completed his wall around Jerusalem in 52 days. Most however, take much longer than this. Did you know that Thomas Edison failed 1,000 times before he was successful in creating the lightbulb? Can you imagine what would have happened if he just gave up?
Consider the following:
- Moses worked for Jethro, his father-in-law for 40 years and THEN spent 40 years leading the Israelites through the wilderness.
- Joshua spent 30 years conquering the tribes of Canaan.
- William Wilberforce spent 20 years fighting to abolish the slave trade.
- Sir Isaac Newton’s mother pulled him out of school as a boy so that he could run the family farm. He failed miserably. Realizing her son was not meant to till the land, she let Newton finish his basic education and was eventually persuaded to allow him to enroll in Cambridge University. Newton went on to become one of the greatest scientists of all time, revolutionizing physics and mathematics.
- J.K. Rowling, who wrote the first Harry Potter book in 1995, was rejected by twelve different publishers. Even Bloomsbury, the small publishing house that finally purchased Rowling’s manuscript, told the author to “get a day job.”
The question is not IF we will HAVE TO persevere in life, but WHEN we need to persevere WILL we do it? Well, what is perseverance? It’s sometimes called grit. It’s persistence in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.
Why is it important?
Because life can be hard! Recent research shows that grit may be more important to success than IQ and talent. People with high levels of grit tend to approach life as a marathon and not a sprint. If your child is passionate about something, whether it’s academics, sports, or a hobby, and they continue to work hard at it after experiencing setbacks and failures, chances are they’re showing some perseverance already.
I love this Japanese proverb: “Fall seven times and stand up eight.”
I’m encouraged to persevere by looking at examples of others who lived before me:
William Wilberforce (1759-1833)
William Wilberforce regarded slavery as a national crime for which all Englishmen were responsible. In 1818 he wrote in his diary, “In the Scripture, no national crime is condemned so frequently and few so strongly as oppression and cruelty, and the not using our best endeavors to deliver our fellow-creatures from them.”
Wilberforce and his friends engaged in an antislavery public opinion campaign unprecedented in English history. In 1814 they gathered one million signatures, one-tenth of the population, on 800 petitions, which they delivered to the House of Commons.
In the summer of 1833, Parliament passed the second reading of the Emancipation Act, ensuring the end of slavery in the British Empire. Three days later, Wilberforce died.
Wilberforce’s Perseverance
Never, never, will we desist till we have wiped away this scandal from the Christian name, released ourselves from the load of guilt, under which we at present labour, and extinguished every trace of this bloody traffic, of which our posterity, looking back to the history of these enlightened times, will scarce believe that it has been suffered to exist so long a disgrace and dishonour to this country.
When you discern a vision and believe it’s from God, ask yourself the following question. Would you be willing to persevere over this for the next 20 years?
It’s not always the case that it will take that long. And it’s not always the case that the vision isn’t from God if you find yourself answering ‘no’ to that question. But it’s always worth asking.
Wilberforce’s perseverance over two visions led to the end of the transatlantic slave trade, and to a new period of missionary work in India. It’s always worth persevering if the vision is from God.
Dr. David Livingstone (1813-1873)
As a child, he worked in the cotton mills to help support his poverty-stricken family. David Livingstone learned perseverance and went on to put himself through medical school and become a doctor before following in the footsteps of Robert Moffat and going to Africa as a doctor and a missionary. Missionary, explorer, and champion of the anti-slavery movement, Dr. Livingstone used his influence and experience to fight great wrongs in the society of his day and to blaze a path for other missionaries to follow in the villages he went to. He believed that he was not called to preaching as much as he was called to finding routes and resources for trade that would displace the profit in slave trading and worked tirelessly towards this end. He was loved by many and respected by the tribes with whom he had contact.
Mary Slessor (1848-1915)
Growing up in the slums of Aberdeen, Scotland, with an alcoholic father and little hope of changing your circumstances doesn’t seem like a promising start for anyone. But for Mary Slessor, her childhood taught her a tenacity and a strength that would serve her well in her years spent living in Nigeria. Mary grew up hearing her devout mother read the mission paper every month. In her heart grew a desire to share Jesus with others. She was 27 when David Livingston passed away, and she decided that she would go and continue his work to reach all of Africa. Mary’s work began in Calabar, and she lived and worked in places where no European had ever been. She faced life-threatening illness and hardship, but “Mighty Mary” did not once consider giving up. She lived with Okoyong and Efik people for 15 years, learning their languages and helping them settle disputes; working tirelessly to educate and overcome superstitions, such as twin-killing and women’s rights. She earned their love and respect and as a result was able to spread the gospel to areas no other missionary could.
How do we teach our kids?
The building of perseverance comes every day when your child learns how to deal with minor setbacks.
Help them struggle and fail well
“Hope is a function of struggle,” Brene Brown.When we don’t allow our children to experience struggle, failure and disappointment, we take away their hope. The hope that there is always a chance to overcome a struggle. The hope that when you fail, you can try again and succeed. The hope that when you feel disappointed, there is always a chance to experience success.
How your child deals with failure is a key aspect of building resilience. If a child never fails, they may never learn to overcome obstacles. Learning is a process, and failure is part of that process. It can be hard to watch your child struggle with something but try not to jump in right away if they are in a safe and supportive environment. For example, if your child is struggling with a puzzle, or homework, or even cleaning up, try to let them complete the task, even if it’s slow. If you see your child struggling, you may want to say, “What else could you try that might work better?” or “I think you can do this. How else can you solve it? What can you change or do differently?”
Try something new
Try something new with your child, like roller-skating or a new arcade or video game. No one is perfect at anything when they start, and this is a great way to show your child that falling down or not winning isn’t the end of the world. For example, you could say “I know that roller-skating was hard. It was hard for me too, but if we keep trying we’ll get better at it. I’m proud of you for trying something new!” It’s important to give your child opportunities to overcome an obstacle, whether it be a new sport or a difficult homework assignment.
Talk about it
Talk to your child about how long it took them to start walking — how they fell down many times, but they eventually learned. By supporting your child and giving them a safe environment to take risks and try something new, you’re giving them a good base to develop their perseverance.
Point out when they persevere
Point out times when your child perseveres or shows grit. Try to avoid criticizing them or comparing them to anyone else, and let them know when they do something well by praising them. For example, if your child gets a good grade on a test, try not to just say, “Congratulations on that good grade.” Instead, say, “You studied so hard for that grade and you didn’t give up. I’m proud of your perseverance.” By focusing on effort rather than completion, you are teaching your child to value the little accomplishments they made in order to complete the larger task. This will help them learn how to move past any obstacles they may have along the way.
https://www.today.com/parenting-guides/here-s-how-encourage-young-children-persevere-t177117
Back to Thomas Edison… When a reporter asked, “How did it feel to fail 1,000 times?” Edison replied, “I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.”
- “It’s always too soon to quit!”
– Norman Vincent Peale - “The only guarantee for failure is to stop trying.”
– John C. Maxwell - “Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other.”
– Walter Elliot - “Many of life’s failures are people who did not realise how close they were to success when they gave up.”
– Thomas Edison - “Failure is only the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.”
– Henry Ford - “Success is no accident. It is hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, love of what you are doing or learning to do.”
– Pele