The days are long but the years are short. On our side of the parenting adventure, that really strikes a chord, but we do remember how, in the thick of things when our children were small, we did wish sometimes for time to hurry.
I don’t think that’s a mortal sin. We’re human, after all, and raising children can be exhausting in ways nothing else is. A good friend of ours posted something the other day I thought was especially sweet. She’s got a 5 yr old and a 2 yr old and her post was about some very ordinary interaction between her 2 kids. She was just able to pause a moment, capture a picture, and wrote a reminder of how she really does have the life she always wanted, despite the daily frustrations and weariness. A lot of us feel that way—we really DO love our families and are grateful for what we’ve been given!
AND we can also wish our kids would potty train quicker or at least TRY the broccoli without a meltdown.
We thought it would be fun to walk down memory lane on this episode to give moms in the trenches a glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel. Our children DO grow and become more independent. It’s not always THIS hard. Here are some of our favorite kid milestones:
- SLEEPING THRU THE NIGHT. Every parent’s dream goal. We were pretty diligent about getting on a routine early on so our kids could differentiate between day and night. That shocking moment when you wake up in the morning and realize you DIDN’T get up for the baby is cause for celebration! This was about 8 wks for each of mine. It can have a HUGE effect on your mood and outlook.
- SPEECH! One of my fav stages is the 2-4 year old because their language development takes off. I remember loving hearing their jabber and their funny expressions. Nothing better than “I love you, mommy.” We still to this day say “hippo-mo-pottamus” and “Charlie car” (trolley car) and “sketti” (spaghetti).
- NO MORE DIAPERS! We waited until our youngest was potty trained before we attempted our travel-to-50-states campaign. When you think about the money, time, and “waste management” involved in diapers…with more than one child….it’s kinda mind boggling. I was so glad to chuck that diaper Genie and graduate to underwear! Thing I didn’t count on: them not being able to wipe themselves for a LONG time after they knew how to get to the potty. You gotta consider their coordination, whether their little arms are long enough to reach, how to fold the TP and how much to use….there’s a whole other process AFTER the getting-to-the-potty part! Kindergarten teachers are legally unable to help kids with this—so by age 5 they have to be getting this down.
- BLOWING THEIR OWN NOSE. One of the things that still grosses me out is using those “snooter snotters” or suction bulbs for baby stuffy noses. It’s so hard for kids to get the concept of blowing just through their noses….they stick their nose in the tissue and blow out their mouths. There are some hilarious videos of kids learning how to blow bubbles. It’s just a whole concept that requires trial and error. So I loved it when they could blow their own stuffy noses. (Took a little extra instruction for them to know to ALSO throw them away and not leave used tissues sitting around the house or hand them to me.)
- READING! This was such a magical moment with each of my kids. Learning about words, spelling, reading, putting language together. We had funny things to help them remember how to spell certain things. I remember “ACCIDENT” (which we still say) and our last name, which has 8 letters so was a bit tricky for my son. But watching them read through those first books and follow a story line was one of my absolute FAVS.
- BRUSHING THEIR TEETH. Pediatric dentists were good for this…. Instruction and encouragement from someone OTHER than the parent seemed to help. This was just a task I didn’t love. I know these days you’re even supposed to brush your dog’s teeth —also something I’ve never done!—but I was grateful when they could handle the teeth brushing on their own. There’s some extra instruction here too—don’t leave blobs in the sink or on the mirror—that took a little longer. The whole “loose tooth” thing gave me the willies: that was my husband’s area to handle.
- POWERING THEIR OWN SWING. I didn’t mind pushing the swings at the playground, but watching them get it and really use their own power to pump those legs and go high was such a thrill for them and a joy to watch.
- RIDING A BIKE. This isn’t something that’s a given anymore. Average age to learn used to be around 5. Now, if they learn at all—lots of kids are older, like 10-11. There’s just not as much incentive because of all the restrictions and more urban sprawl. But this skill is so great for lots of reasons—motor skill that touches lots of areas (coordination, balance, anticipation, etc.), but also so great for independence/confidence!
- GETTING IN AND OUT OF CAR. This encompassed a lot of stages. When we graduated from the infant carseat carrier –which is probably the single greatest contributor to my back problems to this day. When they could climb into the car & buckle themselves in… For a Mom with arms full of another child or all the stuff, this is so helpful! Then, when they graduated out of car seats altogether! Wahooo!!
- LOSING ALL THE STUFF. It was awesome when we could go on a trip and no longer have all the STUFF….no car seats, playpens, strollers, backpacks…. We love to travel & losing all the gear made it much more apt to happen. Our kids are STILL big travelers and they travel so light! It’s only carry-on luggage for them, no matter how long the trip.
- MAKING A MEAL. This was a fun one. When they were old enough to do more than set the table or help in the kitchen. Occasionally, they could make dinner for the family and come up with the menu & execution. Both my kiddos are married now, and my daughter enjoys coming up with fancy dinners a couple times a year (10-course meals). My son enjoys all kinds of flavors and is very capable in the kitchen.
- DRIVING. I didn’t love GETTING TO this milestone… teaching our kids to drive did bad things to my blood pressure! But the results were great. They both went to schools where parents had to drop off and pick up, so that was a LOT of driving to and from for years and years. When the oldest got her license and they could take themselves to school, it was a game changer as far as my day getting broken up into chunks. Again—this is a skill that I think is not a given anymore. In urban areas (where you have public transportation) or with the use of Uber and Lyft, it’s not such a necessity, and kids are more anxious to do it—I hear this a lot. They have no interest so there’s no incentive to get the practice hours in, or they’re panicked about the interstate. They don’t know where they are….GPS has made them not pay attention. It’s a great idea to make your kids pay attention when you’re out driving them around. Ask THEM where to turn and how to get home…without Google Maps.
One of my favorite reminders in the Proverbs is 17:44 A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Staying present, noticing the milestones, celebrating them. Getting curious: what did you love about this season before and after the milestone? What did you dislike? They are all ways of cultivating a cheerful heart.
And as we are always saying on here: start taking control of your internal dialogue. One resource put it this way:
The mind is a wonderful tool for planning and problem-solving. An untrained mind, however, can color and shape our reality in ways that are not resourceful. The tool, in some sense, becomes the master. The stories you tell yourself create your reality, even yourself.
The voice inside our head comments, judges, complains, likes, dislikes and so on. We tell ourselves stories under our breath, and thoughts bubble up ceaselessly. Buddhism refers to this unconstrained state as “monkey mind”, because it’s almost like the mind is a tiny monkey running amuck and making noise. In this distracted state, we do not experience true reality.
We unconsciously identify with our mind until we have trained ourselves to realize something pretty profound: we are not the thoughts in our minds; we are what hears the thoughts. Whenever you observe your mind objectively, you are no longer trapped in it. The monkey puts down the drum. You feel peace. This is the beginning of freedom.
The apostle Paul calls this demolishing arguments against knowing God and taking every thought captive in obedience to Christ. We can celebrate the milestones and enjoy them when we are present.