Contrary to what most moms report, the toddler years were some of my favorite times in my kids’ lives. The baby stage wasn’t engaging enough & I felt very unequipped. Give me like 18 months to 3 years old & that’s the golden time.
AND it’s also true that these little miniature people will test and try you. There’s a reason they get the nickname “terrible twos”. I think 3 gives 2 a run for its money!
So today, we’re running down a list of top 10 toddler tips that we hope will encourage you parents in the toddler trenches.
- It’s a toddler’s JOB to push boundaries. They’re professional line-crossers. It may sometimes FEEL like it, but they’re really NOT doing it to see if they can break you, mom. Don’t take their behavior personally. You are their default “safe space” so the fact that they’re pushing all the boundaries around you means you’re safe to try new things around. It’s a compliment! Their brains need to know what’s me and what’s not me. What’s safe & what’s not safe. How far can I go? Cause & effect. A toddler wants to try it and will get frustrated when he can’t do it.
- A toddler is a portrait of opposites. Within the span of a week, she might LOVE carrots and LOATHE carrots. He’ll go near & far (I want to wander alone across Walmart AND I don’t want you to leave me with babysitter). He will be unable to do anything (I can’t get dressed, I can’t pick up toys) AND want to do everything (ME do it!! Buckle car seat, zip jacket, pour cereal…). If one aspect of your 18 month old is driving you nuts, just wait a week. Or a day. Or a couple of hours. It’ll probably change. Everything at this stage is a phase. They’re going thru incredibly rapid development. Vocabulary, motor skills, preferences, everything is changing.
- A toddler (much like a teenager…& a lot of 20-somethings) is inherently self-interested. At this age, you can start teaching concepts like sharing, being gentle, being kind, apologizing, waiting (interrupt rule), but don’t expect them to get it the first 48 times you’ve explained or modeled the behavior you’re after. They’re impulsive and developmentally don’t have the capacity to self-regulate. Repetition, encouragement/praise, and setting them up for success is key. They want what they want when they want it and this doesn’t make them bad or selfish or mean. It makes them a toddler. Consistent teaching is your friend.
- Tantrums. Again with the self-regulation. Toddlers have big emotions in their little bodies, and they don’t always know what they’re signaling. If they didn’t get to sit next to daddy at dinner and that triggered WW3, what’re you going to do? A lot of times, tantrums trigger something in parents that makes them almost match the emotion. If that’s you, then before you do anything about it, PAUSE and remind yourself YOU’RE the adult. Reacting with anger, frustration, or shaming to a little person’s emotional turmoil doesn’t help them. It teaches them their emotions are “bad” or that only certain emotions are “good.” Instead, remove them from the situation, be gentle & calm yourself (body language, tone of voice). Usually mid-tantrum is not a time when they can listen to you, so it’s ok to let them get it out of their system somewhere safe (crib, playpen, etc.). When they’re calm, then you can “peel the onion” and help them find WORDS for their big feelings. Talk about how to express those big feelings in a better way. Let them try again. It doesn’t necessarily mean they get the thing they wanted (to sit next to daddy)… they have to learn to accept “no” gracefully, too. (that’s ok, maybe next time)
- This is the age when kids are realizing preferences. They may also be changing sleep routines. YOU need to be in charge of their naps and meals. YOU know how much sleep a 2-3 year old needs and what their nutrition needs are. Introduce new foods all the time!! Around 18 months is when most kids drop the morning nap, but you can balance that with an earlier bedtime at night. 18 months to 3 yrs old still need 12-14 hours of sleep/day!! If they refuse a food, keep trying it in different forms. A hungry or tired toddler is a tantrum waiting to happen…only you can prevent forest fires.
- Routine & Freedoms. Just because your 2 yr old CAN do something, doesn’t mean she SHOULD. If you’re having a lot of behavior issues during the day, if you’re frustrated much of the time, try breaking your day into manageable segments and YOU determine the activity. Routine and predictability are your friend. Don’t be afraid to claim your authority as PARENT. Your child NEEDS you to be in charge. Most behavior issues will disappear when you rein in the aimless wandering and decision-making you allow a toddler who’s too young to handle that kind of power. Too many choices/decisions are stressful for a toddler.
- Too early for spiritual growth? Nope! Great time to incorporate God throughout the day. Pray before meals, praise for the outdoors, bedtime prayers. Those tantrums and big feelings can be given to God. Stop and pray about behavior issues in the day. Sing songs (Seeds Family Worship!), read Bible stories, listen to stories (adventures in Odyssey, Veggie Tales). Very young children are fresh from God & often will surprise you with their perceptions and insights! Attend church services. Find a church with a thriving children’s department.
- Exposure! Toddlers are sponges. These are great times to introduce your child to …. Well, everything! Travel with them. Meet different people, people who look different and talk different and talk about those differences. Take classes (mommy & me gym classes, dance, music). Get a sandbox, a kiddie pool, take early swim lessons. I’ve seen kids as young as 3 zipping past me on the ski slopes! Ride bikes with them on the back, go to playgrounds and swing, slide, climb. Go to the zoo or a pet store. Get a pet! Let them ride horses, help in the garden, listen to music in a different language, play with paint, color, crafts. Go to the beach, a children’s museum. Go outside at night. Go outside part of each day, no matter the weather. The more they are exposed to, the more it feeds their imagination, curiosity, and resilience.
- Resist the pressure to push “readiness.” If your 2 yr old doesn’t know his piano scales, that’s ok. If your 3 year old isn’t reading chapter books, relax. The toddler years need to be primarily for PLAY and discovery. Those are the things that actually get them ready for the handwriting and reading you’re so worried about. Forget about what Bethany and Winthrop are doing in the Sylvan Learning program. Your child will catch up by the end of kindergarten and will be WAYYY less anxious and stressed than those two. Same goes for T-ball and toddler soccer teams that are just going to mean lots of family time for practices and games for a kid who’s likely not invested. Opting out means fewer fast food meals on the run and no cranky over-tired kids/frustrated parents.
- Health & Maintenance. See your pediatrician. By 18 months, most of the childhood vaccines are done. (you may have an add’l dose around school age—5 or 6). It’s a good idea to keep up with wellness visits because this is the age with such rapid development (When walking, motor skills, speech, socialization begins) and it’s good to get a regular assessment in case you need to address something. Dentist: recommended to see a pediatric dentist 6 months after the first tooth comes in….generally around 12 months, so if you haven’t done that yet, now’s a good time to get in the habit! (you may think they’re just baby teeth & they’re gonna fall out anyway…but it’s a good routine & they can catch development issues that can be addressed). This is also the time period for potty training and giving up that pacifier (we actually have separate episodes for each of those topics so check those out!)