We’re reaching way back into the archives for this one. We thought it would be fun (& informative) to look at what that first year with a baby might look/feel like for a new mom.
Even if you’ve babysat a lot or had younger siblings, or raised a puppy!—none of that really prepares you for the stark reality of bringing home a baby, whether you’ve come from the delivery room at the hospital or you’ve adopted a new little person into your family.
You’re now responsible for a fully formed person who’s depending on you for survival. Nevermind the hormone rush, exhaustion, wearing giant underwear with pads sewn in, or sitting on a doughnut for weeks—-what do you actually DO with a baby??
Feed them, change them, rock them to sleep. How hard can it be? Women have done this since the dawn of time, right?
WHAT MIGHT THEY LOOK LIKE?
Aside from maybe having grandpa’s nose or their daddy’s eyes, newborns can look—well, funny.
—jaundice is common
—funny shaped head
—peely skin
—bowed legs
—birthmarks
—they have spasmodic, jerky body movements (swaddling helps)
—their diapers can be…surprising
TRANSITION FROM WOMB TO WORLD
—in the womb, babies can “taste” the foods you’re eating and some become familiar (if you’re nursing you might notice difft reactions)
—in the womb, babies can recognize nursery rhymes or songs you read/sing repeatedly. Try these to soothe once they’re in your arms
—They know and respond to mom’s touch
—dark/quiet/warmth to light/noise/temp changes
Newborns want to suck.
They like to be rocked.
They like fresh air/outside (not too bright, please)
Your voice, your touch, your face.
WHAT TO DO WHEN THEY’RE AWAKE
Sing: it strengthens language skills, comforts them, increases their attn span
Read to them: at birth use high contrast books (black/white/red). 3 months—books with puppets/popups; 6 months—board books with one picture/page; 9 months—use facial expressions/hand motions; 1 yr—picture with a sentence or two. Can/should be reading to newborns.
You don’t need expensive toys.
Make lots of eye contact!! They NEED to interact with you, hear your voice/language, see your expressions. They need you to respond to their actions/face.
Structure day into segments: Eat/Wake/Sleep cycles.
Nursing takes a long time!
During wake cycle, which stretches into longer & longer time as they go from newborns to a few months, can lay them on floor beneath a play mobile, let them have some “tummy time”, giving support to their torsos. (refer back to our episode with our OT/PT experts).
Be a tour guide. Constant conversations/narration.
LEARN THEIR CUES
Overstimulation: high-pitched cry, clingy, arches back, claws at face, hyper. They can’t tell you “I need a break.”
By 3 months old, babies can see better—can see you across the room, can start cooing, smiling, holding their head up on their own. Interact more consistently. Know mom/dad’s voice/face and look for it.
Hungry—the breaking day into cycles of eat/wake/sleep helps you identify whether fussiness is hunger or tired or overstimulation — or just plain stress release (babies cry a lot). It was super helpful to keep a chart while nursing….which side, how long on each side, what kind of diaper so you can monitor intake & output to reassure yourself they’re eating enough.
Gassy—did they burp after eating? Did you eat something strong/unusual? Are they bunching their legs up? (bicycle legs, football carry, back pat, massage belly)
Tired—can look like overstimulation, too. Go outside & rock, go in quiet room to sway/sing, breathe. Yawning, scratching face, rubbing eyes, turning away head.
MONTH TO MONTH
You’re learning cues, preferences, personality sometimes. Figuring out sleeping. (Regulating days vs. nights) Figuring out pacifier/thumb.
The first three months of life are all about eating, sleeping and crying. But you can also look forward to baby lifting her head, making silly sounds and giving you a real first smile. Here’s what most babies can do by the time they are 4 months old.
- Smiles
- Laughs
- Likes to play with you
- Starts to babble
- Cries in different ways to show hunger, pain, fatigue etc
- Reaches for toys with one hand
- Watches objects move side to side
- Pushes up on elbows
May roll from tummy to back 3-6/7 months: With enough tummy time/floor time, babies will start rolling over (front to back and then back to front) and eventually sitting up as their muscle tone increases. Grasping and reaching practice. Finding their toes and fingers. [NOTE: You don’t always know when they’re going to reach a milestone—rolling over might happen on a couch or on top of a bed, for example!!]
Start interacting with Peek-A-Boo: encourages social skills, teaches object permanence, stimulates visual tracking, fun/humor
Around 4-5 months (pediatrician) can introduce most basic of solid foods. Then will keep introducing new ones week to week as baby learns how to use tongue/mouth.
By 6-7 months, they can sit in a high chair and have some meals, while you teach them to pick up small bites or encourage initial spoon/fork use. Cup/straw use.
Sleep is changing from that sleep/wake/eat routine to longer wake times and more like 2 solid nap stretches/day. (Sleep episode: brain development indicates they have all the “parts” needed for a full night’s sleep)
They start liking a challenge—toys slightly out of reach to encourage movement/crawling
Banging objects together, clapping hands, waving bye-bye, blowing kisses (shows they’re understanding way more language than they’re capable of speaking!!) Introduce sign language!!
TALK, TALK, TALK
ENGAGE, EYE CONTACT
7-9 months Exploring things, textures, feelings, smells! Think about engaging all the senses.
Around 9 months, some babies are pulling up and taking steps! You’ll have to be vigilant with increased mobility. (they’ll pull things over on themselves, knock on a coffee table or hearth, fall over into a chair…can’t childproof everything but try to soften some blows)
12 MONTHS—A WHOLE YEAR HAS GONE BY
Did you know?
Most 12-monthers are cruising — walking while holding on to something or someone. Plenty are standing on their own without holding on to anything. And a few are even walking already.
But a sizeable number of 12-month-old tots are taking their sweet time before taking those first steps, preferring to stay on all fours for now. In fact, the majority of young toddlers don’t walk well until at least 13 or 14 months, if not later.
- Soooo… time to childproof a bit
- Love routines
- Love nature
- Independence increases….wants to explore, wants to return to you
- Read! Sing! Talk!
- New experiences/textures/tastes
Take Care of Yourself, Mom
1. Get up, get dressed, go outside, and walk every single day.
Research shows walking outside for 10 minutes a day will level your blood sugar, increase your positive mood, and decrease symptoms of depression. No shower required! Eat a high-protein, highly nutritious food.
2. Eat often every 2 to 3 hours.
Drink lots of water. This may sound like silly and obvious advice. But the reality is we get stuck on the couch breastfeeding and don’t want to disturb a happy baby. But then they have a miserable mommy. Have easy to eat, fast, nutritious foods within reach.
3. Ask for help.
Consider the last time a friend had a baby. You wanted to help, and you wanted to be a part of it, but you didn’t know what they wanted. So you didn’t intrude, and you left them to have “family time.” Isolation is the leading cause of postpartum depression – and not surprisingly, connecting with our social supports is one of the treatments. In today’s independent world, we forget that we are inter-dependent. It’s hard to know how to manage this period – even for our closest friends. We have been misled to believe that others didn’t need help, so we shouldn’t either. This is a myth! ASK for help. See #9 for more on this.
4. Everyone should have a designated respite care provider before the baby is born.
I learned about this from friends of mine who just adopted 2 young babies. Part of the requirement was to find 1-2 friends who would be the official respite care provider in case of emergency.
5. Take care of yourself.
What do I mean by this? Time away from your baby! This goes for every mom, regardless of the age of your child.
One more thought: Soothing sore arms
Arms hurt from picking up baby? Many new parents note pain in the inner part of their wrists (thumb side), which gets worse when picking up a baby under the arms.
It’s not carpal tunnel (which you may have experienced during pregnancy), but a condition called DeQuervain’s tenosynovitis — a fancy name for an inflamed thumb tendon.
It’s caused by the excessive use of the wrist, such as when picking up the baby, because the wrist and thumb are shouldering most of the weight. Fluid retention also contributes to the inflammation.
If you’re suffering, try resting your wrists as much as possible. If you must pick your baby up under the arms, keep your wrists perfectly straight without letting them dip down.
Your doctor might also fit you with a wrist splint, and if the condition persists, may recommend a cortisone injection (not to worry — it’s safe for breastfeeding) or, for last-ditch relief, surgery.