On today’s episode we’re talking about another one of the 4 temperaments—the way a child is built socially/emotionally/relationally. There are lots of ways to categorize temperaments (Enneagram, Myers/Briggs, etc.), but to simplify the concept, we’ve divided the four basic temperaments into colors, which is easier to remember for busy overloaded parents!
Proverbs 22:6 (Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it) may well be referring to the temperaments and a word of advice to wise parents who discern their child’s tendencies early and work within them to teach, correct, and motivate a child.
On today’s episode, we’re looking at the child with a GREEN temperament.
Only about 12% of the population is green, so if you have a green child, chances are he/she may be the only one in the family. They’re probably the most misunderstood of all the temperaments.
Entrepreneur magazine had an article on the temperaments and noted that Jack Dorsey (co-founder and former CEO of Twitter), Mark Zuckerberg (Facebook), Steve Jobs (Apple) are all green. 🙂
Is your child slow to get going? Does telling them to “hurry up,” have the opposite effect? Are they chronically late? hard to motivate?
Greens meet their goals with the LEAST amount of effort. They tend to have low energy reserves. Of all the temperaments, they have the least amount of energy and the levels decrease as the day wears on. They really need to know the purpose and significance of anything they spend their time/energy on.
They can be perceived as daydreamers. That’s because they are often lost in thought and are very cerebral. They are analyzers and are often very intellectual.
Facts are important. But relevant facts. They can remember specific information like historical dates, baseball stats, the periodic table, but they may not catalog their brother’s birthday or where they put their shoes. (absent-minded professors).
Because they spend so much time in their heads, there’s less reserve for what they’d call “relational” or “emotional” things. They’re not into mush or sentiment. They tend to be very private and need a lot of alone time and personal space. They’re really uncomfortable around “huggers” (like the blue temperaments we talked about before).
People can read them as aloof or stand-offish. They’re perfectly happy on an 8-hr car trip with a carful of people not saying one word. In their mind, they’re participating by being there and observing when they’d probably rather be alone reading a book. They HATE small talk/chit-chat. (stereotypical engineer)
Renee, you and I each have a child (or spouse) who is either all the way or partly green. What are some stand-out behaviors that marked life with this child?
(Too many questions! Need for silence/disengagement after school or a social event. High justice sensor: if you’re going to accuse, it should be private & backed up with evidence. Like a worthy challenge and will do verbal combat. Specific “systems” that work for their mind: piles as a filing system.)
(Justice, yes! Ex: preschool incident w/ H. Space to think: thinking chair in the balcony. Appreciation for their thoughts. Like to argue/debate: interesting navigating the pre-teen/teen years. Very loyal to “their” people. Slow to make decisions: oh, the ice cream aisle at Kroger! Very determined when they decide to do something: push-up challenge)
Greens tend to procrastinate. They hate group projects. They’re often off to themselves at recess or playdates, preferring “parallel play” to interactive play. (one reason school can be exhausting)
They’re also very slow to make decisions. Because facts are so important to them, they will research something thoroughly before deciding—if you marry a green person, know they have weighed EVERYTHING before proposing or saying yes and decided on YOU as the absolute best option.
They’re very loyal to their friends, but they’re ok with just a few close friends. Large crowds, loud noises, bright/loud environments are not their jam & may overwhelm them.
They love options. (cereals, shampoos….)
If this resonates with you as how one of your children behaves (or yourself, or your spouse!), how best can you relate?
Motivation: the WAY you compliment/praise a child most effectively is different depending on their temperament. (We say this all the time: YOU know your child! Kids aren’t all alike.)
Motivation tools for a green child: Make sure you express your appreciation in words that show you’ve thought about what they’ve said. Listen to them. It’s good to give a green temperament a head’s up before you need a decision from them. They do best with a “5 minute warning” before transitions because change can be difficult. Don’t micromanage them. Give them space to do and try.
Make sure you’re allowing them plenty of alone time in a day to recharge/restore. Consider ways to fill their love tanks: visit a museum together, read a book together & discuss, take an interest in their interests)
Besetting Sin
Each of the temperament types is also associated with a negative tendency, or what the folks over at Parenting Made Practical call a “besetting sin.” It’s a trait that’s a natural tendency but if left unchecked or unrefined, can become an ugly aspect of someone.
**(For more in-depth resources about the temperaments, the Parenting Made Practical website has a new video & workbook that are super helpful! You can also register for Zoom classes on “How Temperaments Impact You, Your Spouse, and Your Kids.”)**
For the green temperament, this can show up as stubbornness or lack of initiative.
Remember to focus on the virtue you’re wanting to elevate, not squash:
- Proverbs 21:5 The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty.
- Proverbs 22:9 Do you see someone skilled in their work? They will serve before kings.
- Colossians 3:23-24 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.
You may need to work on attitudes of submission, flexibility, & thinking of others. Green children resent being pushed (why hurry up doesn’t work), which can make them more stubborn.
They can control others with their stubbornness by simply waiting their parents out. They can refuse to do what’s been asked, and if mom or dad gives in and does it for them (in the interest of time or hassle), the child will use this tactic again and again.
You can teach how to use stubbornness for good—standing firm under pressure, being solid in their faith or confident in their work.
You’ll need to help this child focus on doing things in a timely fashion. (We timed the kids’ morning routine so they set the pace for when they needed to be up and going. One size doesn’t fit all here.) You can’t do for this child what he/she refuses to do for himself. Work on immediate & complete aspects of obeying…they’ll often try to get by with “good enough.”
Since they’re not led by emotions, they don’t respond to emotions in conflict, so if you blow up or lose your temper at their stubbornness, it won’t have your intended effect.
Keep it simple. 1-2 tasks at most. Too many instructions tire them out and are hard to remember. I need you to go brush your teeth and put your pjs on, then come back to me & show me you’ve done it. Maybe set a timer. Remember, it is important to give feedback on the quality of their work (“You did a great job brushing those teeth!”) and recognize their capabilities and ideas.
Help this child learn to admit when they’re wrong. They can dig their heels in and feel very justified in their “rightness.” (Repentance, forgiveness, restoration)
Help this child learn to communicate what she feels. Talk about emotions and what they look like/feel like. Peel the onion. Greens will often avoid conflict and “stuff emotions”.
If you’re a parent with a green temperament, you will likely not be pulled into conflict with your teenagers like a blue or gold spouse might. You can be the calming influence. (Sav’s frustration with Bob’s responses to texts).
Greens can be worriers, so as a green parent you may be the safety conscious one (Bob—always wear shoes, pack a med kit, put your life jacket on, etc…). Don’t let over-worrying lead to a fearful outlook on life.