It’s a problem for lots of American families. Our kids are so-called “picky eaters”.
What is the source of the problem in our kids’ eating habits?
Starts with us. Examine your eating habits? Do you snack all day? Do you skip breakfast and fail to eat until you’re “hangry”? Are YOU a picky eater? Is your husband? We’ve said again and again on this podcast that kids learn how to do life in families. They learn how to speak words that build up or words that tear down. They learn how to handle arguments and disagreements. They learn about friendship by interacting with their siblings. And they learn how to eat by how WE EAT.
In a study conducted by Stanford University, two identical meals, one in a plain wrapper and one in a package from a popular fast food chain were offered to a group of children. Even young children associated a better taste experience with the name-brand selection, suggesting that marketing and expectation have an impact on perceived taste, even in children [source: Center for Health Study].
Infants, Toddlers, Elementary, and Teens
Food writer Bee Wilson has a message of hope for parents struggling to get their children to eat their veggies: “As parents, we have a far greater power than we think we have to form children’s tastes.”
In her book, First Bite, Wilson examines how genetics, culture, memory and early feeding patterns contribute to our food preferences. She says that a child’s palate can be formed even before birth. “…the things that our mothers eat, even before we’re born, affect the way we’ll respond to those flavors when we later encounter them because they seem familiar,” Wilson says.
Pregnancy
Bee Wilson notes that “There have been remarkable studies done showing that if someone eats a lot of garlic when they’re pregnant, their amniotic fluid will taste and smell garlicky. So imagine swimming around in that for 9 months. … That baby will grow up to love garlic. … It feels like home, it tastes like home. One of the main things we know about taste is that liking is a consequence of familiarity. So the things that our mothers eat, even before we’re born, affect the way we’ll respond to those flavors when we later encounter them because they seem familiar.
Nursing vs. Formula
Breast milk has varied flavors, whereas formula milk has a single flavor, depending on which brand you pick. But even with formula-fed babies there are some interesting things that have come out of scientific experiments. There’s a type of formula called hydrolysate, which is designed for babies who can’t tolerate regular cow’s milk, and to adults it has a really offensive, horrible, hay-like, musty aroma. But to the babies who’ve been reared on it, it’s like nectar. One study showed that these children, when they were older, when they’re aged 4, gravitated towards sour flavors. So it was if they were imprinted with the flavor of this nasty formula milk. But, again, it’s a really useful case of how powerful these early tastes can be. As parents, we have a far greater power than we think we have to form children’s tastes.
Baby-Led Weaning
From the what to expect website: Popular in the U.K. and gaining traction in the U.S., baby-led weaning is a practice where babies 6 months old or older jump straight to finger foods as soon as solids are introduced, bypassing purées and mashed-up foods.
This approach is called baby-led weaning because that’s what the premise is — letting your little one feed herself the healthy foods she wants to eat right from the start (which is why this works only for a baby who’s at least 6 months old and capable of self-feeding).
Baby-led weaning allows babies to learn how to chew (or more accurately, gum) first, then swallow. It also prevents parents from pushing food, since babies are in control of how much they put into their mouths.
Experts, including the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), now say the best time to start solid foods is around 6 months. By that age, most babies are able to sit up by themselves and grab and hold onto objects. They’ve also dropped the tongue-thrust reflex (which causes them to push foreign substances out of their mouths), plus their intestines have developed the necessary digestive enzymes to absorb solid food.
Article has a whole list of foods that work for this approach. (See p. 21-22 of French Kids book for her daycare experience: food and manner in which they ate)
https://www.whattoexpect.com/first-year/feeding-baby/baby-led-weaning/
Are you authoritative, authoritarian or indulgent?
Authoritarian: Force-feeding would be an extreme example, but also just any form of saying, “I demand that you eat this.” … “I want a clean plate.” Did either of us experience that? Results?
That style of eating creates an unpleasant atmosphere at the dinner table, but, interestingly, research shows it also seems to result in children who are actually less responsive to their own hunger cues, so they’re more likely to end up overweight, paradoxically. The parent who thinks that they’re doing the right thing by insisting that you finish this nourishing meal is not allowing the child to develop their own skills, their own judgment about when they stop and when they start eating.
Indulgent: The other style of feeding is indulgent. It stems from loving intentions but it’s not helping. To feed a child in an indulgent way would be to be highly responsive to them as a person, what they love, what they seem to need, the foods they crave, the foods they demand, but the indulgent style would place no demands on them to eat well, or fewer demands. There’d be no sense of, “Are you really hungry?” There’d be no sense of, “Well, I only want you to have these foods because they’re the ones that’ll do you good.” Again, there are studies done showing indulgent parenting is strongly correlated with higher child obesity. …
Authoritative: An authoritative feeder puts high demands on the child to eat well. In other words, you wouldn’t be stocking your house with loads of junk food. You’d make sure there were nutritious, home-cooked meals on the table, but equally you would be highly responsive to the child and their needs, and you would be respectful when they say “no.” Which were we? Which are you, listener?
How do we help our kids learn to eat well? Picky eating seems to be ubiquitous in America. But you know what? That’s not the case in many other countries around the world! (Tell story of kindergarteners in Mexico.) And probably one of the BEST countries to learn from in terms of a healthy, positive approach to food and to eating is France.
French children happily eat everything–and most of what they eat is healthy. That’s not all: child obesity rates in France are significantly lower than in many other countries. So how do French parents teach their children how to eat so well? And how do the French government and school systems support families, teachers, and farmers to provide food education? FRENCH KIDS EAT EVERYTHING answers these questions and more.
Moving her young family to her husband’s hometown in Northern France, Karen Le Billon was prepared for some cultural adjustment, but was surprised by the French food education she and her family (at first unwillingly) receive. In contrast to her daughters’ picky eating habits, French children feed themselves neatly and happily—eating everything from beets to broccoli, salad to spinach, mussels to muesli. The family’s food habits soon come under scrutiny, as Karen is lectured for slipping her fussing toddler a snack–“a recipe for obesity!”—and forbidden from packing her older daughter a lunch in lieu of the elaborate meal on the school menu.
The family soon began to see the wisdom in the “food rules” that help the French foster healthy eating habits and good manners—from the rigid “no snacking” rule to commonsense food routines that we used to share but have somehow forgotten. Soon, the family cured picky eating and learned to love trying new foods. But the real challenge came when they moved back to North America—where their family commitment to “eating French” was put to the test. So, we’re going to walk through her 10 food rules over the next few episodes.
Food Rule #1: Parents, YOU are in charge of your children’s food education.
Page 9: According to the French, this should start when children are very young, well before their first birthday. After all, eating is one of the first acts that an infant performs consciously, and then independently, even before walking and talking.
What did Bonnie and Renee do?
So how do they educate their children about food? Isn’t fostering independent eating really important in helping kids build autonomy?
The French say absolutely not. We are responsible for helping our kids learn to enjoy all kinds of food and eat well. They believed eating includes manners, behaviors, habits and tastes developed through discipline in the home. They believe that this is just as important as developing self-esteem, and, indeed, is tied to self-esteem! What children eat, they say, will be of great importance to their health, happiness, success, and longevity. (p 12) French parents think about healthy eating habits the way we think about toilet training or reading. If your child consistently refused to read or use the toilet, would you give up trying to teach them? Would you say they’ll eventually grow out of it or figure it out? Probably not!
When a French toddler refuses a food, the parent knows that they just need to try it again. And again. And again. French psychologists and nutritionists have systematically assessed the average number of times children have to taste new foods before they willingly agree to eat them: the average is seven but most parenting books recommend between 10 and 15!
French saying: Tell me what you eat and I’ll tell you who you are. And they’re thinking: Show me how your kids eat, I’ll know what kind of parent you are. (p13)
French Food Rule #2: Avoid emotional eating. Food is NOT a pacifier, a distraction, a toy, a bribe, a reward, or a substitute for discipline.
- Whining: Give your child food when they are fussy and whiny and they’ll learn that whining works.
- Distraction: Need a few minutes to yourself? Kids complaining that they’re bored? If you use food to distract your kids, you are encouraging impulsive eating that is a hard habit to break later on. The French love to invite their children into the kitchen to cook, but it’s around scheduled mealtimes.
- Bribe/Discipline: be good in the store and you’ll get a cookie. Withholding meals b/c of bad behavior or rewarding good behavior. Good idea? Bad idea?
- Toy: The French have a deeply respectful attitude toward food and believe they should teach this to their children. (p. 27 “dressing the table”) They never eat standing up, in the car, or on the go. They never eat alone if someone else is around.
What did Bonnie and Renee do?
French Rule #3: Parents schedule meals and menus. Kids eat what adults eat: no substitutes and no short-order cooking.
The French believe that scheduling meals leads to more balanced eating habits and a healthier digestive system.
See p. 36 for Le Billon’s daughter’s kindergarten menu! Describe the cafeteria (p.37) Learning to eat what is put in front of you is a skill. The schools support this endeavor by hiring chefs who cook from scratch with local ingredients.
Three key goals with this approach: protect children’s health and support their academic performance by feeding them nutritious food. To educate the palate: cultivate how to taste, teach food hygiene and nutrition, open their minds to food as culture, art, and national heritage.
How much did Bonnie and Renee follow this?
See quote from French National Ministry of Education (p42) “School is a privileged place in which children are educated about good taste, nutrition, and food culture. Good taste must be taught and learned, and can only be acquired over time.”
The French believe we “awaken our children’s taste buds.”
What about taste buds?
From a January 2013 Guardian article: Infants have around 30,000 tastebuds spread throughout their mouths. By the time we hit adulthood, only about a third of these remain, mostly on our tongues. So eating is an intense experience for the very young.
Babies’ tastebuds are configured in line with their craving for fat and sugar-packed milk. “They need more calories in relation to their body weight than at any other time in a person’s life,” says Mohammed Moghadasian, a professor of human nutritional sciences. Salty and sour flavours, therefore, aren’t on their radars yet, and bitter foods are rejected as potential poisons. Interestingly, umami, the immensely moreish taste that has been synthesised in the form of monosodium glutamate, is abundant in breast milk.
Children don’t tend to lose their extremely sweet teeth until puberty. The reason they often don’t eat their greens could be that the bitter notes in them are amplified by so many tastebuds. And as we keep pairing flavours with experiences and forming prejudices, by the time children’s palates are more accepting of vegetable flavours they are negatively associated with parental nagging – an altogether different mood to that of the fun occasions when sweet treats are bestowed. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/wordofmouth/2013/jan/29/changing-tastes-food-and-aging
From the How Stuff Works website: Our taste buds introduce us to a particular flavor, but the experience of eating is a packaged deal. If we think we’ll like a food, there’s a much better chance that we actually will. https://recipes.howstuffworks.com/menus/kids-taste-buds.htm
We are Hard-wired to Love Sweetness
All human beings are hard-wired to love sweetness. This is a cross-cultural phenomenon — it’s been seen in babies in every continent of the world, that they smile if you offer them a little taste of something sweet. Equally, we all are born with a mild aversion to bitterness.
Christian Worldview of Food
I love how God integrates feasting into the life of Israel. In Deuteronomy God is talking about tithing (1/10th) of your produce each year. And then he tells THEM to eat it in His presence – at the tabernacle/temple. And then he makes an accommodation for those who live far away…
Tithes
…But if that place is too distant and you have been blessed by the Lord your God and cannot carry your tithe (because the place where the Lord will choose to put his Name is so far away), 25 then exchange your tithe for silver, and take the silver with you and go to the place the Lord your God will choose. 26 Use the silver to buy whatever you like: cattle, sheep, wine or other fermented drink, or anything you wish. Then you and your household shall eat there in the presence of the Lord your God and rejoice. 27 And do not neglect the Levites living in your towns, for they have no allotment or inheritance of their own.
Eating and rejoicing and banqueting are all biblical images of the way God wants our world to work. We are partnering with him in providing for our families, generously giving back, and also enjoying some for ourselves!
Taking this approach to food/eating with your children will flip the switch from negativity to positivity. I “have to” eat becomes I “get to eat” with my family and with God.
For part 2, we’ll cover the next 3 rules of eating according to the French.