What do you do when your child continually disobeys you for the same offense?
This is one of the most frustrating experiences as a parent. Sometimes we feel like we say the same thing again and again and again, with no changes in our child’s behavior.
Notecards: Take a notecard and write the two or three things that you are really working on right now with your child. Place it on the fridge or somewhere prominent in your home, so you can easily reference it. This will remind you that everything doesn’t need the same amount of attention from you. It also encourages you when you remember that, hey, we have been working on this and it is getting better.
Praise: Look for the opposite behavior in your child and praise them like crazy when they do it. You can even orchestrate opportunities for the opposite behavior. When my (Renee’s) kids went through a lying stage, I would ask them questions that I knew they could answer truthfully. Seeing her bed was made, I would ask Emma, Did you make your bed this morning? Knowing that she could truthfully say “yes” and then I could praise her helped to elevate the opposite of lying.
Call your child: When you see things starting to deteriorate, simply call your child to come to you. This is like a mental “reset” and calls them away from the temptation to misbehave. If they don’t listen, then you can work on that, too. It’s a health and safety issue as well as a great tool to help them have a responsive heart to your voice.
How do I love my kids and husband sacrificially without losing myself?
So many moms struggle with this! We pour ourselves into our families and can find ourselves lost in the process.
Maintain healthy boundaries: Every woman in her 20’s should read the book Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. There is so much good advice in there about personal boundaries in many relationships of life. Identify where you aren’t honoring your own boundaries and talk to your husband about how you can carve out time for yourself. One friend of ours gets up at 5am to exercise. Her husband is “on duty” for the hour. No matter the need for her four kids, they are his responsibility.
Find a group: Bible study groups like Community Bible Study or Bible Study Fellowship offer children’s classes as well as classes for adults. There are morning and evening times as well. We had a small group that met at Bonnie’s house for over 15 years! This is a lifeline for all of us in trenches of raising little people.
Take up a hobby: Don’t let your phone gobble up your free time. Pour yourself into something you’d like to learn. When homeschooling, Renée decided that she could take her cooking to another level, and this has become her favorite hobby!
How do I find time for myself when my husband is away 70% of the time?
This is hard! Acknowledge that and recognize that sometimes you’re not going to be at your best. We all need a break, and you’re not getting much of one. Speak to yourself with kindness as you navigate this situation.
Ask for help from family and friends: In some seasons of life, I (Renée) didn’t have any family nearby, so I relied on a trusted friend from church who was my mom’s age. You can trade childcare with a trusted friend as well. This works best if you have the same number of kids (or close!) so it’s a fair exchange.
Get up early or stay up late: Carve out some time when you know your kids will be sleeping. And don’t let the time slip away by scrolling through your phone. Be intentional. Read that book you’ve had on your nightstand for 6 months. FaceTime with a friend. Exercise. Listen to a podcast. (We know a good one!) ☝️
Join a mom’s group or gym: During Covid many gyms have a two-child limit, but a gym is a great option for ensuring you will get that “me” time you desperately need. Mother’s Day Out preschools also give you four or five hours of free time, and many churches offer them at reasonable rates as a ministry.
What was it like to be on a budget with little people?
At the time it kind of felt like a bummer, but looking back, we see that it forced us to think outside the box and relish the little, everyday things.
Shop smart: Yard sales are a treasure trove of bargains, but it’s like fishing. You have to go consistently, knowing that some will be complete duds. Renée had a friend who shopped for her family of six at yard sales. She was able to get much of their clothes, furniture, and several household appliances for a fraction of the cost. Watch the sales at grocery stores and big box stores. You can adjust your weekly dinners to align with what’s on sale.
Be selective: Sometimes a big-ticket item is worth the cost for extended use. The $100 family membership to the local children’s museum affords unlimited visits. If we took our kids there four times a month, the visits were $2.08 each… for all of us! Have a zoo nearby? It’s another great option for a selective splurge that brings months of fun.
Be creative: Lots of crafts and games cost almost nothing. Homemade play dough is just pennies to make (and you’ll look like such a cool mom; that warm dough is scrummy!), coloring books, cooking together, and regular playdates with your child (we had tea parties and railroad building parties on the regular for several years) are all super fun ways to spend very little money.
Remember that the grass isn’t always greener: If you are a stay-at-home mom and money is tight, don’t assume that two-income families are having more fun. Ask any family where both parents work, and you’ll hear that scheduling is dicey and household chores loom large with no-one at home all day. You may have more time while they have more money. Both families must be creative to achieve their goals.
Pray over your budget: Renée had a friend who encouraged her to pray over her grocery budget before going shopping. This is a tangible way to invite God into your everyday life. You’ll notice that things stretch just enough right when you need it.
I am beginning to understand how huge it is to build trust with your kids, but I wonder what I can do to make it stronger. What did you do to build trust?
Do what you say: If you’re not sure if you can do it, don’t say you will. It’s better to hold off if you’re not sure. Kids don’t have the life experience to understand that circumstances change. They just know that you are in charge, so be reliable and do what your say.
Don’t betray a confidence: Sometimes what your kids tell you seems silly, funny, or small, but it could be really big to them. If they hear you laughing with your spouse or a friend about something they said, their trust in you could be damaged.
Mirror their emotions: This is good advice for all relationships! Have no idea what that drawing is? That’s okay! Mirror their excitement over it and ask them to tell you about it. You never know when a child will let you into their private world. Being available emotionally and mentally builds trust.
Have some routines: There is security in routine. Several personality types like to know what is coming next. Give your kids the security of the same bedtime or dinner time. Give them the security of regularly attending church or small group.