- Affection: Gross them out! Your kids will feel secure when they see that mom and dad love each other. If you two aren’t okay, then their world isn’t okay.
- Praise: In front of your kids, speak words of affirmation and praise. This helps tremendously in creating a great vibe in your home. Your family can be characterized by praising each other if you model it well.
- Being a husband and wife: Your kids need to see you aren’t just a parent. You’re husband and wife. Going on dates and trips without them, let’s them know that your relationship is a priority that you take seriously.
- Service: Taking a meal, volunteering in the classroom or on their team, teaching a class, working the nursery at church. Your kids need to see that you serve the wider world than just your family. Involve the kiddos if you can!
- Faith: From your prayer life to church, from small groups to how you speak day-to-day, your kids need to see your commitment to your faith. Did your son interrupt your quiet time in the morning? Pull him up into your lap and pray together. Feeling disconnected from your husband? Try praying together for 5 minutes a day and see what happens. Being in the homes of people in your small group is a tangible expression of church other than that building you go to on Sundays.
- Kindness & Respect: Watch your tone with your spouse. You don’t have to give a voice to all those frustrations running through your mind, either. Treat one another with the respect you would give a trusted friend, even though this is easier sometimes than others.
- Other Interests: Continue to be a daughter, girlfriend, sister, or aunt, just like you were before you had kids. Do something radical like reading a good book! Grow in ways that are divergent from your role as parent.
- Disagreements: It’s normal to disagree, and you give your kids a huge gift when you fight fair and respectfully disagree. It’s okay to take the really heated arguments behind closed doors, but let them see you work it out on the backside. If they go to bed and you resolve your conflict afterwards, give them the security of knowing everything’s alright by roleplaying the resolution in the morning. This may feel weird at first, but remember that they didn’t see how things turned out.
- Apologies: I’m sorry for ___________. Will you please forgive me? goes miles in restoring relationships. When you ask for forgiveness, you place the power in the other person’s hands. They can choose to forgive or not. Give your kids the opportunity to see you model this, because you’ll want them to do it, too!
- Help: Be engaged and present with each other. One of the most magical questions is How can I help? Let your kids see that you are more important to one another than your phones or your work.
