Welcome & Intro:
Deana Thayer is a podcaster, speaker, and author with over two decades of experience in the marriage and parenting sphere. She originally served as a doula and childbirth educator before moving into parent coaching and podcasting.
Deana and her husband Scott have drawn on their stepfamily experience to lead a blended family ministry through premarital coaching, mentoring, and small groups. They’re empty nesters with five young adult children.
The podcast you once co-hosted was called Future Focused Parenting. Curious about the title and content because aren’t we supposed to always be mindfully IN THE PRESENT? Or, barring that, then looking back at how our past may be affecting our parenting now?
Discuss with spouse: what are the 5-10 values that are important to us. Figure out your “Why” of parenting so you know where you’re aiming.
Are we really raising adults, not children? Explain. (Can’t that get expectations out of whack as we expect too much from our 2 year old? Or give our kids much more than they can handle when they’re too young?)
What would you say have been some of your biggest parent wins? Leaning into RELATIONSHIP even when you don’t agree. Asking children to “tell me more” to listen and hear them. To get to know them.
The 3-month “performance review” or invitation for feedback from your children. Asking them a couple of things you’re doing well and a couple of things you might improve on (keeping in mind you’re in charge and are free to disregard).
In your experience with coaching and mentoring & your work with FOF, what would you say are some of the biggest issues facing parents today? (that are difft from what we faced/ or similar)
Parental unity
Being too busy or struggling with time management so parents omit time prioritizing their couple relationship
Crisis of authority? Lack of foundations/models? Distraction/noise?
There’s a fear of mental health crisis in our children, and we need to parse out what’s real and what’s suggested or popular. We need to be able to separate our kids’ feelings from their behavior and parent/correct/address accordingly. Instead of being so afraid we’re going to stifle or hurt their feelings that we let all behaviors go. Is it trauma or drama?
Empty nest phase: what’s been your biggest adjustment? What would you say to your younger self—when your kids were in elementary or middle school—about how to start prepping for the empty nest?
Learning what to let go of and what to hang on to. Taking care of SELF more, having more attention to give to marriage.
Having compassionate curiosity…”I’m sorry that happened, tho maybe it should’ve.”
Topics I’m passionate about on the parenting side:
- Blended families (since I’m a stepmom!)
- Intentional parenting – “raising adults”
- Postures/systems in parenting
- Resilience
- Taking care of the marriage
- Communication
- Parenting with Emotional Intelligence
- Empty Nest/Parenting adult children
- Responsibility and privileges
- Mental health (educate, engage with them & people in their world, empower and don’t excuse.