A 2020 PEW Study found that 52% of young adults ages 18-29 live with one or both parents. The highest percentage ever. The pandemic we know is a factor in that statistic, but college debt, housing costs, and the comforts of home contribute to it as well. Maybe more alarmingly for parents, one in four young adults cut off communication with parents, which often reflects a failure to launch or leave home positively.
INTRO: Our guest today is Dr. Jack Stoltzfus, a psychologist and America’s Launch Coach whose mission is to help parents successfully launch their children on the path to adulthood while maintaining a caring bond with them. New book: The Launch Code: Loving and Letting Go of Our Adult Children. Jack’s a dad and a grandfather 11 times over. He lives in St Paul, MN.
There’s definitely been a trend toward “extended adolescence” in the past couple of decades. It wasn’t unusual for a 15 or 17 year old in the past to be able to apprentice, know marketable and practical life skills and be able to help out the family and/or strike out on their own.
In 2023, roughly 18% of young adults aged 25-34 in the U.S. were living with their parents. This translates to about 8.5 million individuals. This is more common among young men than women.
Is it harder or just less of a trend for parents to launch adult children today and if so why? What does “failure to launch” look like?
What can parents do to successfully let go and launch their young adult?
My mission goes beyond getting the young adult out of the house.
The launch code of key practices parents need to strengthen if they are to build a successful launch pad and sustain the relationship with their young adult.
The growing problem of estrangement with young adults– cut off from parents. According to a recent study, over a quarter of young adults are estranged from one or both parents. This estrangement can involve no contact or a strained relationship with limited contact.
Adjustments parents need to make during late adolescence and young adulthood.
When is it time for young adult to leave home? We’re not opposed to some of the “ways things are done” being revisited. A college education/path isn’t necessarily for every kid, for example. Who said it was the best idea to pack up a 17-18 yr old for a 4-yr stint away from known support structures?
Can an adult child be launched and still live at home? (Apartment at the end of the driveway.)
We should be working to create resilience in our children. AND in ourselves. Having our children leave home and launching into separate lives of their own is good for us, too. It allows us as parents to step into the necessary next stages of our own lives.
SIX HELPFUL STEPS:
love unconditionally
stay involved but shift to more of a coaching role (from the sidelines)
do the healing practices of forgiving and apologizing
Forgive yourself
Love AND have a backbone (doesn’t mean you must have unconditional approval of your kids’ choices)
acknowledge letting go (it’s a hard process & takes some time!)