Today’s guest has been a source of deep personal encouragement to me. When I found “by accident” her Instagram account, it was as if I’d stumbled smack into a hope and a salve to my soul. We’re so thrilled to have Kathy Cunningham with us today to talk about being a parent to grown kids.
Welcome & Intro.
Kathy has served in ministry for over 35 years in a variety of roles. She holds a Master’s Degree in Christian Counseling and is an ordained minister and Certified Life Purpose Coach. She currently lives in Tampa, FL.
For more than 15 years, Kathy has provided individual counseling and group support, specializing in Inner Healing and Biblical Counseling. Now she offers this same process in a 6-week inner healing coaching course that addresses family of origin patterns, faulty beliefs, and leads to freedom through forgiveness and release.
Kathy has been married for 50 years. They have two amazing adult children, their beloved spouses (who she loves like her own), and 4 incredible grandchildren.
We remember how hard those early years with little kids were. It’s physical exhaustion and constant change, neediness and busyness. What you can’t possibly fathom when you’re in those trenches is how you will LAUGH (a bit maniac-ly maybe?) at how easy it was compared to being the parent of a young adult.
The child you’ve nurtured and loved and sacrificed for may no longer want or need your opinion or advice. Might find some radically different path to forge from the one you’d set their feet on. Might abandon their faith and/or family. Might make choices that shatter your heart, kill any chance of a restful night, or send you to pray like never before.
Was it something personal from your own experience that set you up for being able to minister so effectively to parents of grown kids?
Kathy’s son faced addiction, and it was something they battled for 15 years. In the interim, she & her daughter had tension in their relationship as well. She helped found Parents of Addicted Loved Ones (POALO) in the Tampa area. Genesis 50:20 You intended to harm me but God intended it for good to accomplish what’s now being done, the saving of many lives.
What do you wish you’d understood sooner about being the parent of adult children?
(love freely, respect fully; let them set the pace; pray more, push less; be present in their world…. Loosen your grip & expand your grace. Trust that God is working, even in the waiting.) Learned to surrender control and work on self.
What are some hard truths about being the parent of an adult child?
(you’re not the main character anymore, trying to fix it can drive them away; it’s the small moments you’ll miss most; silence doesn’t always mean separation; your growth still matters) Jim Burns: Doing Life With Your Adult Children.
What do we need to learn to let go of with our adult kids?
Worry, advice, guilt-tripping. Your role changes to blessing them forward. Now you pray, encourage & trust. You must “put the basket in the water.”
What are some things that strain our relationship with our adult kids?
Unmet expectations; release the version of them you still hold onto; don’t live in a place of panic; make love safe, not earned. Unsolicited advice. Anne Lamott has a great acronym for this: WAIT, which stands for “why am I talking?”
What can parents do if they’re in a season when prayer seems unanswered, their child is distant or healing is slow?
(Let go of your timeline; God has a better one.)
What are we responsible for now in this stage of parenting?
working on ourselves; going thru a process of releasing and forgiving (others and ourselves). Have a statement prepared to replace the old soundtracks & beliefs.
You can join the growing community of support on Kathy’s website. Join her Grace Restored community. Grace Restored is a Christ-centered membership community designed to support you as a parent of adult children, to be a parent that models emotional maturity, wisdom, and faith. Whether your relationship is strong and you want to keep it that way—or you’re navigating distance, tension, or disappointment—this space offers guidance rooted in Scripture, best practices, and personal experience.
You don’t have to carry it all by yourself. With grace for the journey and truth for the road ahead, you’ll discover how to parent from a place of peace—and experience the joy of connection, even in hard seasons. JOIN NOW