We did an episode back in the day on the Sandwich Generation. If you don’t know the term, it refers to those who are “caught in the middle” caring for both children and elderly parents. Typically, these are people (chiefly women) in their 40s and 50s caring for aging parents. While this group is subject to unique challenges and stress, they can also benefit from strong multi-generational bonds.
Millennials make up approx. 24% of caregivers in the US. For most of us, our 20s and 30s are the busiest decades of our lives—we’re building a career, raising children, moving… More people are marrying later & having children later….which means they’re more likely to still have younger children at home when it comes time to care for older parents or in-laws.
American Psychological Association article from 2008 noted sandwich generation moms were feeling the squeeze. Aged 35-54, these moms “feel more stress than any other age group”.
Our guest today is Rachael Piltch-Loeb. She was exactly in this spot in her own life and (as if she didn’t have anything ELSE to do) has written a fantastic book about it. It’s called The Millennial Caregiver: Caring for Loved Ones in the Busiest Years of Your Life.
INTRO RACHAEL. (Where from, family, background. Siblings??) public health expert; based in NYC.
First, some definitions. You put a new spin on what “sandwich generation” means. You actually say there’s a “new sandwich generation.” What do you mean by that?
The new sandwich generation has aging but not conventionally old parents. Many of our grandparents may still be alive. We have youngish kids, or maybe we’re thinking about having kids. That means there are more sandwich layers above us than below us. That means there are many different interpersonal relationships to navigate, especially in caregiving. Also that there may be multiple people who need care in different ways.
What does being a “millennial” mean to you? What would you say defines your generation?
The millennial generation, also known as Generation Y, refers to the cohort of individuals born roughly between the early 1980s and the mid-1990s. While there is no universally agreed-upon definition, millennials tended to be in grade school or secondary school on September 11, 2001, a day that forever changed perceptions of safety and security and global politics. Millennials were young workers or professionals, working on establishing careers or entering parenthood when the COVID-19 pandemic hit, disrupting ways of life, some of which were forever changed. Perhaps most unique to millennials is being the cohort that has grown up with digital technology.
So why did you write this book, Rachael? What’s different or unique about being a millennial AND a caregiver?
(Gave birth to first child the year father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease).
I learned a few things about what made caregiving at a younger age particularly challenging:
• Role Reversal: taking on caregiver responsibilities for an aging parent at a younger age can feel like a significant role reversal. Fundamentally, you are used to being cared for by your parent. That changes drastically. It is emotionally challenging to see a parent who was once strong and independent now in need of care.
• Balancing Life Transitions and Multiple Roles: the nature of being young(er) means that you are likely in a chronic transitional phase. Maybe you are still searching for a home of your own, a partner, or starting a career or family. Younger caregivers often find themselves balancing these transitions with caregiving responsibilities. This juggling act can be overwhelming, as they must divide their time and energy among various roles, often experiencing feelings of guilt and self-doubt.
• Limited Life Experience: Younger caregivers may have less experience to draw on than their older counterparts. They may not have as much knowledge about medical conditions, navigating healthcare systems, or complex caregiving situations. Younger generations tend to be less connected to in-person healthcare facilities, preferring online modalities to access care. This lack of experience can add an extra layer of stress and a steeper learning curve in patient navigation on behalf of someone else.
• Impact on Personal Relationships: caring for a parent at a younger age can affect personal relationships. It may require understanding and support from partners, friends, or other family members, who may not have anticipated taking on caregiving responsibilities at this stage of life, and who may be as ill-equipped to take on this supporting role. Maintaining open communication and seeking assistance from loved ones can be crucial in managing these dynamics. Asking for that kind of help is hard.
• Emotional and Psychological Impact: caregiving can take a toll on millennials’ emotional and psychological well-being. Witnessing the physical and cognitive decline of a loved one, managing medical crises, and making difficult decisions about healthcare can be emotionally draining. Caregiver burnout, stress, anxiety, and depression are common challenges that all caregivers face, especially when they struggle to prioritize their own self-care needs.
• Social Isolation: younger caregivers may face a generational gap between themselves and other caregivers. Younger caregivers may not find as many peers going through a similar experience, which can make it harder to find support, share experiences, and seek guidance from those who can relate. It is also natural in our current society to compare your own life to that of others, and the life of a caregiver is often far from glamorous. This can contribute to feelings of loneliness and envy.
• Financial Considerations: younger caregivers may face financial challenges unique to their age group. They may still be paying off student loans, starting to build their savings, or establishing their careers. Balancing caregiving expenses with personal financial goals can be difficult and may require creative financial planning or seeking assistance from available resources. Taking on caregiving responsibilities can further strain their finances, as they may need to cover expenses related to medical care, home modifications, and additional support services. The financial burden can lead to increased stress and limited resources for their own personal and professional goals.
• Limited Workplace Support: Millennials often encounter workplace challenges that hinder their caregiving responsibilities. Many face inflexible work hours, lack of paid leave, and limited understanding from employers about the demands of caregiving. This can lead to conflicts between work and caregiving responsibilities, forcing millennials to make difficult choices and potentially impacting career growth, and, in turn, financial stability.
• Caregiving Complexities: millennials may find it challenging to access adequate resources and support services for caregiving. Affordable healthcare options, respite care, and professional assistance can be limited, leaving younger caregivers to navigate the complexities of caregiving on their own. The lack of community support and awareness about millennial caregivers’ unique needs can further compound their challenges. There are very limited resources that provide guidance on the all-encompassing nature of caregiving, let alone how to balance that with all of the other complexities of life.
• Impact on Future Plans: as a younger caregiver, the responsibility of caring for a parent can impact future plans and personal goals. It may require adjusting career aspirations, delaying educational pursuits, or altering lifestyle choices. Considering the long-term implications and making decisions that align with personal and caregiving needs can be complex and require careful thought. Many millennial caregivers face the daunting task of planning for their own long-term future while providing care. They must balance their current caregiving responsibilities with concerns about their own financial security, retirement savings, and future care needs. The uncertainty of their own caregiving journey can add additional stress and anxiety.
You had a second child & mention in the book that your parents were unable to be there for you the way they’d been with the first (b/c of your father’s decline). You mention this in your chapter on Coping with Grief and Loss….
Just as caregiving can take a toll (physically, emotionally, etc..), so does grief. Can you give us a glimpse of what it was like having a newborn & adjusting to the newness of that in your family while at the same time feeling the exhaustion and emotions of what your mom & dad were dealing with?
What do you wish you knew before you began this journey?
What did you learn about balancing career and caregiving?
What did you learn about balancing parenting and caregiving for your father?
Social media dos and don’ts ?
Skills you can put on your resume that you learned from this experience?
You include in the book chapters on communication, finances, health care management and advocacy—very practical and helpful tips for others who may be in a similar situation. (and the stats say there are many).