There are generally two types of parents: those who happily sail along with their preschooler until they realize with a shock that little McKenzie is about to turn 5 and it’s time for kindergarten (which school are we zoned for, anyway?), and those who drive from the hospital labor room straight to the elite preschool to get on a waiting list so they can start constructing the “best” resume for Lincoln’s best chance at Harvard medical school. Maybe there’s a happy medium, too.
Our education experience is about as different as they come. One of us (Bonnie) started Montessori preschool, entered kindergarten a year early, and went to both private parochial school and public school, finishing with a degree from a large public university (Go Vols!). The other (Renee) attended private Christian school through elementary and switched to a public high school, finishing with a degree from a private college in Arkansas (Go Harding bisons!). Each of our siblings had their own varied educations–separate and different from our own.
When kids arrived, Renee started her firstborn in a private Christian school that featured a classical education. Although she had no complaints about the school or curriculum, she soon felt a certainty that she could accomplish as much with her child as the school could, and she set out to homeschool. She used a pre-set curriculum by Sonlight, so she could be sure to check all the boxes, cover the right material, and not have to reinvent the wheel. The structure of it suited her and her two children–she started her second-born child straight from kindergarten–and turned out to be especially convenient as the family made a series of out-of-state moves over the next few years. They loved the freedom of learning in their pj’s, reading aloud for hours each day, and adjusting the curriculum to explore subjects in-depth. Her children thrived in the aptly-named “Sproles Academy,” and eventually graduated high school this way.
Once they were older and able to self-direct their studies, Renee even co-founded and taught at a local homeschool tutorial, which hosts a growing number of homeschool families who seek additional instruction and more of a classroom setting on certain subjects. Homeschooling is perhaps a more accepted option now than even twenty years ago, and more families are opting to try it.
Renee would caution that it isn’t something to be undertaken lightly. It’s a huge investment of time and mental energy. You have to know your child’s temperament and whether you’d be suited being both parent and teacher to them. You have to figure out how to run a home (The bathrooms still need to be cleaned! The piles of laundry still appear! People still need to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner! Every. Single. Day.) You’ll need to take the extra steps to ensure they have outside outlets for band, sports, church, scouts, and other interests/opportunities. Once they reach high school, there are no staffed guidance counselors–you’re it, or you hire someone for college guidance/test prep. Homeschooling offers a lot of flexibility and opportunities for out-of-the-box studies like field trips/extended travel, but it’s not always a great fit for parents who tend towards less structure, especially in the high school years. To ensure you’re covering all the material and giving your child an excellent education, there has to be more than a modicum of organization involved.
Bonnie enrolled both her children in a church-based preschool for two days a week to give them a bit of socialization and practice in a small classroom setting. Before her oldest was five, she tested into a local magnet school (at the time K-8) and continued in the magnet school system until graduation. Her second child followed this path as well, and although the schools were academically rigorous (requiring a senior thesis and multiple higher-level AP classes), they (mostly) enjoyed the experience and felt more than prepared for college.
Sending kids to school or having to arrange for them to get there and back requires earlier mornings, time-management, and organization for the whole family. Unlike with homeschool, where a parent is the teacher, there’s added communication between school administrators and teachers for schedules, assignments, and evaluations. Being in a classroom with 20 other students may mean dealing with behavior issues (talking, keeping your hands to yourself, etc.) that might not even be a thing in a home setting. In addition, a traditional classroom setting may not always account for learning differences or make allowances for a child who’d prefer to wiggle or pace the room when getting work done. As always–know your child. Where one may thrive, another may wither.
Fortunately, in our county in middle Tennessee, we have many educational options from the public zoned school systems to private education, to magnet options. With the nearby university, there is even a “campus school” option, where students in the university’s education degree program rotate through their student teaching. Each one comes with its own considerations.
Private schools require tuition. This was definitely a consideration for us as a young family on a limited income. We had barely thought about saving for our kids’ college tuition at that point and couldn’t justify the added expense of paying for elementary and high school. Although we appreciated the values-based worldview/learning, we knew many teachers in the public school system shared our values as well. We sought a (free) challenging learning environment at a place where parent involvement was high. The positive peer pressure to do well and behave curtailed some of the behavior issues that teachers might otherwise have to deal with during class time.
Once our kids reached middle school/high school age, the magnet system required re-testing for entry. At this point, many of my kids’ friends diverged. Although our school had many of the typical sports teams, they were newer and not as competitive as the bigger area high schools, and they did not have football. No Friday night football games, which some families consider part of the “high school experience.” Although the magnet school was tough, other schools had honors programs and IB programs, and all the high schools allowed dual enrollment with the local university in higher level classes. By this point, not every child was thriving in the high-stress/high-expectation high school environment. Not every child intended to aim for the Ivy League or even a college education, and it made for a natural pivot point. Many of them excelled at sports and wanted a more competitive athletic program or better opportunity for athletic scholarships.
What we did NOT do:
Although we allowed our kids to give their input into the decision, since we knew our kids best, we did not allow them to make the final decision on where to attend high school. In our view, that kind of choice was best left for college. This could have backfired. Had they been different kids or had we not fostered a relationship of trust to that point, they might have dug in their heels and deliberately self-sabotaged. But they didn’t. Even though their best friends were choosing different high school paths, we didn’t believe 13-14 year-olds were quite mature enough to withstand the pull of peers in favor of a more far-sighted view. They would admit now — well into their undergrad and post-grad years– that that was a good decision!
An important thing parents should keep in mind when considering schools/types of education for their kids is that nothing has to be forever. While neither of us would recommend (for the child’s stability) hopping repeatedly from one option to another, if you find your child isn’t thriving in a particular environment, no path must be set in stone, and changing school options won’t damage your child’s psyche or put them behind any sort of curve. You can change direction and find something more suited to your child’s learning styles, academic requirements, or social needs, and it won’t mean you or your child has failed in some way.
The more, the merrier. When siblings reach school age, you may find that what’s right for one child will not necessarily be right for another. You could find yourself shuttling one to a magnet school, homeschooling another, and arranging carpool for a third to get to the private high school on time. This will be an especially busy time of life, but as with all aspects of parenting, this, too, shall eventually pass.
Renee referenced a great assessment tool for your older high school kids: Strengths Finder 2.0.
https://www.podserve.fm/dashboard/episode_player_2/23944